Tuesday, June 27, 2006

I might be crazy...

I make myself FEEL crazy sometimes. You ever do that to yourself?

I feel all normal in one minute, then I do something and I'm like ...what am I, crazy or something? Like I went from just being all happy and normal to feeling sad in a millisecond. I think I'm just overwhelmed and tired. Things have been really busy and I think I'm just feeling it now.

Georgia rolled over for the first time tonight and it made me SOOO sad. Like I feel like it's the beginning of the end of everything "baby" in my life. Isn't that just lame? She is a happy, healthy, thriving, growing little girl -- that's the whole idea of having children, right? But then she does what she's supposed to be doing and I get sad. Made me feel crazy.

We're done having children. As much as I know that's absolutely the right thing for our family, I get sadder every time I think about it. Like -- what would life have been like without Georgia? Is there another little Lujan we're supposed to have? It's just insane -- we've never ever even DISCUSSED having 3 kids -- I never WANTED 3 kids -- but now that we have our two, and they're here, I'm sad that this chapter is closed.

I'm not sure I'm even making any sense. I wish I could put it into words that DID make sense and have it just be like "Yep -- I totally know" when anyone hears that. I just feel like saying that then the obvious response is "You're not done then - -you need to have more children." But that's not it because I KNOW we're done -- as much as I feel sad about it, I don't want any more children.

Okay -- I 'm just going to stop now before I sound even more ridiculous. Hopefully this will make sense to someone. If not just ignore it -- I think I'm hormonal tonight or something.

1 comment:

Jamie said...

I know the crazy feeling. I know mine is for different reasons, but I can honestly say I know how you feel.

On a sidenote... I just wanted to comment and it made me make a blog. Guess I'll have to try this out. :)