Tuesday, June 27, 2006

I might be crazy...

I make myself FEEL crazy sometimes. You ever do that to yourself?

I feel all normal in one minute, then I do something and I'm like ...what am I, crazy or something? Like I went from just being all happy and normal to feeling sad in a millisecond. I think I'm just overwhelmed and tired. Things have been really busy and I think I'm just feeling it now.

Georgia rolled over for the first time tonight and it made me SOOO sad. Like I feel like it's the beginning of the end of everything "baby" in my life. Isn't that just lame? She is a happy, healthy, thriving, growing little girl -- that's the whole idea of having children, right? But then she does what she's supposed to be doing and I get sad. Made me feel crazy.

We're done having children. As much as I know that's absolutely the right thing for our family, I get sadder every time I think about it. Like -- what would life have been like without Georgia? Is there another little Lujan we're supposed to have? It's just insane -- we've never ever even DISCUSSED having 3 kids -- I never WANTED 3 kids -- but now that we have our two, and they're here, I'm sad that this chapter is closed.

I'm not sure I'm even making any sense. I wish I could put it into words that DID make sense and have it just be like "Yep -- I totally know" when anyone hears that. I just feel like saying that then the obvious response is "You're not done then - -you need to have more children." But that's not it because I KNOW we're done -- as much as I feel sad about it, I don't want any more children.

Okay -- I 'm just going to stop now before I sound even more ridiculous. Hopefully this will make sense to someone. If not just ignore it -- I think I'm hormonal tonight or something.

Monday, June 26, 2006


That was me -- breathing a sigh of relief. I'm T-I-R-E-D.

Between baby showers, my parents' party, the baptism, my friend's visit, working and pretty much flying solo while Chris is in this crappy trial, I'm beat.

The good news is that the big stuff is over for awhile and I can kind of coast now. We still have stuff coming up and things like that, but for the most part, I'm good. It's funny how good things, celebrations and stuff can just wear you out. We spent a bunch of money, a ton of time and a boat load of energy on all of it and it just wiped me out. I'm ready for a few quiet weeks but I know that time is just gonna fly by!

On a good note -- we had Georgia's 4 month visit today and all is well. Everyone can ask me now because I finally know -- she weighs 16 lbs, 2 oz. It seems like that's all that anyone wants to know these days -- I think because she looks like such a chunk. I looked and Mitchell didn't weigh 16 pounds until he was 9 months old!! Crazy how different kids can be.

Mitchell was so funny at her appointment. He was nervous at first because I think it was sort of odd for him to be there without being the patient. Once he got comfortable he was Mr. Chatty Chatworth!! The nurse asked if I had any questions for the doctor and he said "I have a question." She said okay -- what would you like to ask? He said "I need to know about Sesame Street and C is for Cookie." LOL What a nut. She said "Well, you make sure to ask the doctor when he comes in." He was like that the rest of the time. Offered his bare belly for the stethescope at one point -- I think he was a bit jealous of the attention. Of course, had it been HIS appointment, I would have been peeling his head out of my lap.

Anyway -- that was our day. Oh - have to mention how completely INTO the library he is these days. It's the highlight of his week and this summer reading program has definitely got him going! I think I might just see if I can keep a reading log for him when it's done and see if they'll give him a sticker every week anyway -- he LOVES it and is so proud.

Okay -- tangent and then I'm done. Chris thinks I'm the only one who would ever notice this, but the weather person on the local 10 pm news is a woman. Every night while she's talking about the current weather, she has a list of 4 towns in/around Denver and EVERY SINGLE NIGHT as she reads the list, she ends with "...and it's ____ degrees in the ______ area." The last one is always the ____ "area". I don't know why it annoys me but it does. Makes Chris laugh because now we see the list flash up and before she says it we say "The Parker Area" or whatever it is. Do you really think no one else notices it? It's like bold print in a book to me.

I think I might be weird. I bet you're thinking that you already knew that, right? :)

Tuesday, June 20, 2006


These kids love us. I mean they REALLY, REALLY love us. Not because they have to, more because they just can't help it.

My hubby has been working really, really long hours lately and it's been awful for him. I'm not sure who is more miserable out of the four of us -- all I know is that we ALL hate it. We ALL really miss family nights.

The other morning Mitchell woke up when Chris was leaving and he got REALLY sad when Chris got out of the shower. He said "Daddy, are you going bye bye?" Chris said "Yeah, buddy -- I have to go to work." Mitchell just piled himself in a little crumpled ball on my stomach and just looked miserable. I asked him if he was said and he said "Yeah. I want my Daddy." So they had some big hugs and that I know made him feel better, but I think it made Chris feel worse. His trial ends next Monday and none of us can wait for that.

It just struck me today -- they just LOVE us. We think we just love them so much we're going to burst sometimes, but they are the same way, I think. Georgia gets fussy unless she knows you know she's there. All she needs half the time is some eye contact and the occasional "hi" tossed her way and she's fine, but she just NEEDS us.

Ugh. The good news is -- we LOVE these kids. It's more than mutual.

Monday, June 19, 2006

How in the world...

Do we accumulate so much STUFF???? Seriously.

I think that maybe with every holiday/event -- I'll make an effort to get rid of as many things as we take in. I'm just in a little cleaning/organizing kick and looking around the house, in the basement, heck - -even in the garage, we have SO MUCH FREAKIN' CRAP!!!

I don't know where it all comes from and I *really* don't know why we hang onto so much of it. I know there's one box in the basement we've never even unpacked -- it's been here since we moved in 4 and a half years ago. God only knows what's in it. Obviously some VERY important things. Not.

How does that happen though? We need to have a SERIOUS garage sale this summer. We say that every year, but seriously, I really want to this year. I'm thinking in August we'll do it. July is too crazy, and plus that will give me some time to get ready for it.

Ugh. Pack rat syndrome -- NOT good.

Friday, June 16, 2006

9 pounds...

I've lost 9 pounds so far. I need to lose 36 more to get to my first goal.

Now that I think about it -- I think I need to revise that. I need to lose 16 more to get to my first goal, 36 to get to my "real" goal. (If hit that first goal -- I'll be back down to where I was before I got pregnant with Georgia last spring.) If I ever see that end weight, then there are 10 more behind it that I could stand to lose, but I doubt I ever see that one happen.

It feels good and when I met my friend for a walk this morning she said "You've lost weight, huh? I can tell." That's always a good thing -- I think it's just depressing thinking about what darn hard work it has been just to get those 9 off -- and to put 36 more on top of it? Ick. My mom said to have that be my goal in the next year.

A YEAR????

I know that's realistic but the thought of it just pisses me off. I want to be thinner NOW. And I want to be able to eat ice cream, chips, cake, etc. So basically I want to lose a lot of weight quickly but not work for it.

I went for an hour and a half walk this morning -- 15 min in the middle to let Mitchell play at the park, but the rest was a briskly paced walk. Ummmm--guess what? All of my butt muscles HAVEN'T disintegrated after all -- in fact, they're all extremely upset with me right now. Owie.

I guess thinking about fitting into the clothes I want to wear sooner and being healthier and more energized for my kids is good motivation -- I just don't have a will of steel. It would be nice right now. I think I need something like "Biggest Loser" motivation to get me going. I'm competitive so that would probably be a good show for me.

Okay -- random off topic before I go. At the park today, it was really weird and I got kinda creeped out. We walked up (my friend had headed home already) and this woman was walking the perimeter of the playground and was TOTALLY staring at us as we walked up. I mean not even trying to hide it, bugging eyes out, turning head as she's walking a different direction staring. Mitchell got off of the stroller and ran over to the playground and she watched him the same way. (She was on her cell phone and speaking a foreign language of some sort, by the way.) There were like 5 kids on the playground already -- 2 about 5 or 6 years old, 2 about Mitchell's age and 1 in between. I kept looking for a parent - usually there are moms or dads hanging out on the benches. Well, then it dawned on me that she was probably their nanny.

Mitchell wanted to swing, so I parked Georgia (who was sleeping) in the stroller near the swings. The kids that were there were playing nicely at first but they were really spread out. I think it must be the teacher in me, but I found myself trying to keep an eye on them. This lady sure as heck wasn't doing it!! I watched her and the only children she paid any attention to were MINE. She didn't bat an eyelash at the little one who was wandering off to smell the flowers in the little bushes. She didn't ever even GLANCE at the playstructure to make sure the older boys and girls were playing safely. She just kept doing her laps, chattering away on her cell phone, pausing to stare at my children when she got near.

Creeped me the heck out.

So, anyway -- Mitchell had already put up with an hour walk and was SOOOO good. I didn't feel like I could say "Hey, let's go home" since I'd promised him some time at the park. When he was done swinging, I went with Georgia and the stroller to a bench near the play structure and just watched. One of the little girls looked SAD. I don't mean like someone took her doll -- I mean like emotionally sad from the inside out. She walked with her head down the entire time, stayed by herself and was instantly physically defensive/agressive anytime any other kids came near her. (She was the flower smeller.) It made me really, really uneasy. Another little girl was sad (but more like, I'm bored! Pay attention to me! sad) and was trailing after the nanny. She was (I think) saying her name and sort of whining/crying, but this nanny didn't even have a clue in the world that the girl was trying to get her attention.

Meanwhile -- on the play structure, one of the older boys was playing with Mitchell. No big deal, taking turns on the slide, asking him about his Thomas shirt, stuff like that. Well, after about 2 minutes he says "Come on, let's play. We're killer whales. Let's go kill her whole family." OMG -- what the heck is that about??? Mitchell just kind of looked at him like "Huh?" and ran the other way to go play this little piano thing. Well, two seconds later, the older girl and two older boys are playing what I guess was the "killer whale game" and the girl completely PUNCHES this one kid in the eye. Like just hauls off and punches him in the eye. I was like "whoa". Of course he starts crying and the girl says "Sorry. It was part of the game." I

t takes nanny woman about 2 minutes before her ears hear anything besides that blasted telephone conversation. She doesn't say let me call you back, instead she stands there with the crying kid and says "what happened" about 3 times. Then she finally says she'll call the person back. Mind you, Mitchell is on the other play structure (thank goodness -- there are two of them), but I had a ring side seat and watched the ENTIRE thing. Nanny woman is looking at me with this REALLY nervous look because obviously I'd been paying 110% more attention to those kids than she had! Anyway -- the older boy who didn't get hit reports that the older girl punched the other boy. The older girl instantly denies that she did anything. Nanny woman calls her a liar (she was, but still) and the older girl says "I didn't do it -- ______ did" and points to the really, really sad little girl who doesn't say a word. She just looks at the lady with those sad brown eyes and doesn't say a word. Older girl takes off running and throws herself on the grass to pout about the whole thing. By this time, the sort of sad little girl has finally caught up with nanny woman and goes over and clings to her leg. It was SOOOO obvious this girl just needed a "Hi sweetie" and a hug. You know how 3 year olds are -- they just need that every once in awhile. It took all of my strength not to go scoop her up. Her and the other little one -- I wanted to just cuddle that little cutie and tell her she was special. Anyway, nanny woman shooed the sad one away from her leg and she started bawling.

I was like "oooookay -- we are OUT of here." I called Mitchell over and the two older boys looked at me -- I think they knew. I said "Honey, we need to go now." He of course wanted to stay, so I did what any mother needing out RIGHT then would do -- I bribed him. I asked him what video he'd like to watch while I made lunch and he hopped right on.

It was a nutty 15 minutes, but man did it make me sad. Sad for those kids because two of them just seemed so -- well, SAD. One seriously just had a look about her like something just wasn't right. Can't put my finger on it, but it was just "off" somehow. But I wanted to follow that lady to whatever home she went to and then wait for each of the parents and tell them what my experience was. I can't IMAGINE having my kids with someone like that!!! I bet these parents all think they have a competent, loving, caring, responsible woman watching their kids. In the span of 15 short minutes I saw her ignore, push aside, namecall, and neglect these kids. Maybe she was having a bad day, I'm not sure -- but ick. Just gave me the creeps and I haven't been able to get my mind off of it all day.

I'm SOOOOOO glad I can stay home for this exact reason.

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Technology is a crazy thing...

Okay, so some girls from my birth board were talking about "my space" the other day so I made myself a page. Searched around and found some people I used to know -- bizarre how without even talking to someone you can get a personal glimpse into their lives.

The other day some guy from high school emailed me out of the clear blue sky because he saw my profile at classmates.com. I hadn't talked to him in 15 years -- it was fun, but so strange!!

When I was browsing around myspace.com last night (instead of cleaning my house), I saw these girls from my high school that were seniors this year. I looked at this one girl's page and her comments section read like a phone call. Seriously. It's like we used to pass notes -- they text message each other. We used to talk on the phone, they IM or post myspace messages. Weird.

I think I'm getting old because it's all starting to creep me out.

Monday, June 12, 2006

I love cake.

Mmmmmm. Cake. Good cake -- not dry, but yummy, moist, chocolate creme filled cake.

And I ate 2 pieces today. (And 2 yesterday.)

And this is EXACTLY why I CANNOT have these things in my house!!! My evil SIL insisted on sending it home with me. My husband with a will of steel (um, he was also only home about an hour before we went to sleep and is not locked up in this house with it all day) declined, but not me -- I ate one for each of us -- TWICE. So much for my AWESOME south beach 2 weeks. Ready for those pounds to fly back in my face -- I HAD lost 8 -- I probably just gained all of them back. Oh well -- I'll just start over. It sure was yummy, but I might as well sit on it 'cause it's going STRAIGHT to my butt, I betcha.

Now I hate cake because I love it so much.

Oh -- and quick blowout story for ya -- goes well with cake, don't you think?

We were at the mall today and I look over at Georgia in her cute little white and pink striped outfits with brownish/yellow spots on the waistline (well, if she had a waist -- hee hee).


Brownish yellow spots on the tummy? No -- not usually. Quick peek and yes -- it's poop. Uh-oh -- not a good sign. When this girl decides to blow out, she BLOWS THE HECK OUT. I left Mitchell with my friend at the little play thing in the middle of the mall and head to the family bathroom by the food court. It took me a good 10 minutes to clean her up and I'm glad it wasn't a day where I'd forgotten to fill the wipes holder because I used 8. (I counted.)

I had to wipe her hand off like 3 times because it was all the way up her side to her armpit and she LOVES to stick her hands in her mouth. Then when I was washing her arms off with soap and water she was screaming bloody murder because the sink was waaaayyyy back in the counter and I had to lean her forward against her tummy. (Stupid design for a "family" bathroom, might I add.) Anyway -- thank goodness I had enough wipes and another outfit and a friend to watch Mitchell. Otherwise -- ick. NOT a good story.

Off to do laundry -- think I'll start with that SPECIAL, SPECIAL outfit of Georgia's. :)

Saturday, June 10, 2006

I'm SUCH the procrastinator...

And here's proof -- I have a list a mile long of things I need to do before I go to bed, it's 11:23 pm and what am I doing? A blog.

I just needed a little break, but I'm just irritated with myself that I didn't get more done ahead of time for this party. To be fair, I've been really busy and extremely tired at night, but still...

Okay -- totally off topic right now -- have you seen that SNL short "Lazy Sunday"? OMG -- they just had it on this repeat of SNL and Chris and I were DYING. I know it's online somewhere -- it's Chris Parnell and someone else and is hysterical. Worth checking out!

Hmmm---back to me. And my procrastination. I suck.

Gotta go -- wanna see my to do list?
*Make an egg dish
*Cut a watermelon and two cantaloupes
*Cook a pound of sausage
*Cut lemons
*Put pastries on a platter and wrap them up
*Give myself a pedicure
*Iron my outfit
*Iron Mitchell's outfit
*Iron Georgia's dress

Oh yeah - and then there's this scrapbook. *ugh* I'm going to bed by 2. Have to! Georgia and I are leaving here at 8:30 so I need SOME sleep. As much as I love my parents and are happy to give them this party, I'm ready for it to be done already.

Let's end on a positive note -- my mom & dad gave me an outfit for Mother's Day that didn't fit right and wasn't really my style. I took it back today and the first outfit I tried on was EXACTLY what I wanted! Amazing -- I actually feel somewhat *okay* in it, too -- didn't hate the way I looked! Oh -- and I'm down 8 lbs in 2 weeks. Pretty good!!

Nighty night, everyone -- I'm off for more work!! Happy 40th, Mom & Dad!!

Wednesday, June 07, 2006

Strange dreams...

Man have I had those lately! Crazy, stupid just WEIRD dreams lately. I hate it because it always gets me all feeling jumpy and stuff when I wake up. Like a "What the heck was THAT about" feeling.

Okay -- shouldn't have titled it this because that's as far as I want to go with that thought. Hee hee. What a nerd.

So, my parents are celebrating 40 years of marriage this weekend. Is that not insane? 40 years? Wow. They just went to Hawaii and had a fantastic time -- that's what I look forward to. Leaving life behind, going on vacation just the two of us, and celebrating all that you've accomplished together. And mourned together. And laughed about together. (You get the idea.)

I wonder if it feels like 40 years -- I'll have to ask them. I already feel like Chris and I have been married forever and we're only working on having our 5th next year. I can't IMAGINE how long it will feel like when we hit 40.

I'm really happy for them and so extremely proud of them. It's so RARE these days for people to stay married for such a long time -- and stay married HAPPILY. And they are. Don't get me wrong -- they argue like normal human beings, but they're still obviously in love. They still *flirt*. I hope we still do at that point -- I think that's probably what keeps it all going. Acting like kids, even though you have adult children and grey hair.

We're having this party and it's mostly family with a few friends. I also spearheaded throwing them a surprise card shower so that's my thing this week -- getting the scrapbook put together with all of that and some pages from our family.

Anyone beginning to see why I called this "Never A Dull Moment"?

Hey -- on that topic (yes, I'm random topic hopper today) someone on Georgia's birth board was trying to catch someone up on what had been happening with all of us since she'd been on vacation all week and there were so many posts. Well, she started off by saying "Tara's been busy as usual." At first I laughed out loud (literally) but then I thought WOW -- crap, I really must be busy. I think I might need to try and weed some things out. But you know what -- I think I'll just end up adding different stuff back in, knowing myself like I do.

Okay -- speaking of doing things, we're going to a kid's free movie today with a friend and her little girl so I need to get some stuff done around here before we go.

Happy Hump Day!

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Pretty boring...

Okay, so I mentioned in passing this blog to my hubby the other day and he was astounded that I had one. He's like "So, what do you write?" I said -- nothing, really -- just about every day life. I think he was then even more astounded that people actually read it. I told him it's not like I have a big following or anything, but I think that people like me like to read about other normal (errr-kinda normal) people's lives. Why do you think sitcoms are such a hit? They're based on real life -- they just make it funnier and usually take out the laundry. Everybody Loves Raymond -- there's a good example.

Oh, hi honey, by the way. I plan to send you the link after I finish this so you can see my boring little blog. Hey -- read in the archives, I babbled about being all mushy gushy in love with you there for awhile. Must've been those preggo hormones! Hee hee. Still love you!! :)

Anyway -- I myself was re-reading just now to see what IS it exactly that I have been writing about for almost a year now?

Nada lotta. That's my answer.

The big themes (if you need to catch up) are the following: the weather, laundry, my house that always needs to be cleaned and re-cleaned, running errands, potty training, toddler behavior issues, and me being generally too busy all of the time. (But not too busy to not blog! Ha!)

Despite this little mundane ordinary life theme, I keep doing it (and enjoy it) and others keep reading it from time to time. Kinda crazy, huh?

See, Chris -- I told you - it's just a nerdy little writing outlet for me. Okay, off to fold some laundry and clean the kitchen (again).

There's that theme again...

Sunday, June 04, 2006

3 Months...

Doesn't seem like a long time, but in baby time -- it's an eternity!! Georgia is now 3 months old and wow has she changed!

Now she's holding her head up like a big girl on her tummy, is trying to sit up on her own, is getting a tooth, babbles all the time, giggles, occasionally gives high 5's, loves peek a boo, sleeps through the night (yay!!), and is just a joy.

Where did that three months go? I know I'll never get it back. It's just weird -- one day you have this teeny, tiny little newborn who feels like a feather and the next thing you know they weigh 15 pounds (or something close!!). I just visited a friend of mine on Friday who has a little boy that's a month old. It was crazy how much smaller and more helpless he felt than she did when I held him. And his cry still sounded little. His bootie fit in the palm of my hand. Stuff like that -- it's already different.

But then would you want to give up even ONE of these precious baby giggles or smiles? Any of this ever developing baby chub? Any of the coos and snuggles? The way she stops nursing to just GRIN because she's just happy to be alive? Starts nursing again just for a second and pulls away again because she just can't help herself -- just has to stare and smile. (Melts me in a heartbeat, by the way.)

No. Not a chance.

So you look back and remember. And you get a little teary eyed. And you feel a little bit sorry for yourself that the most recent and previous stages passed so quickly. And you vow to make every single second count. But then you (inevitably) take for granted what a treasure and gift every day is. And then you blink and you do it all over again.

When I was pregnant with Mitchell, I asked my friend who had an 18 month old at the time -- what's your favorite age been? Her answer was that every age was her favorite age. I totally agree.

Now that Mitchell's older, there are definitely more things that are difficult than when they're in that portable baby stage, but I still find that it's true. Yes, he can be sassy as all get out and throw some knock down tantrums that raise the rafters, but is there anything better than hearing your little boy say "Mommy, you're my best friend! I love you." ???

I'm sure there is, and I'm sure it's just around the corner.