Tuesday, January 31, 2006

"Are you getting excited?" and other stupid questions...

Okay, maybe stupid is the wrong word, but come on people!! How many women do you know that wouldn't be excited (for a variety of reasons, I'll add) to have their child when they are 37 weeks pregnant??? I can't think of any. I mean, seriously. I'm the size of a small barge, can't tie my shoes let alone hoist my 3 year old into his carseat without some major groaning, and I've got aches and pains pretty much everywhere all of the time...yes, those are motivating factors for "getting excited" about this ending.

I'll tell ya what though, none of those even touches the fact that I just can't wait to meet this little PERSON inside of me. She is in there growing and moving and pretty soon she'll be out here in this crazy world with us, and I can't wait to hold her and snuggle her and just know that she's ours. It's funny because we struggled SO MUCH with our decision over when to try for #2, if we even should try for #2, etc. Now that we're at the point we're at, all I can feel is this little "ache" for the person I know is almosot here. It's like I know our family won't be complete until she joins us and I can't wait to see who she is. Who she looks like. What kind of temperment she has. If she has the CUTEST little bubble-butt-two-dinner-roll bootie like her brother has. If she has hair. All of that stuff. I just can't wait. Chris has always teased me because I did the same thing with Mitchell...he says all he remembers hearing for the last few weeks was "I just want to meet this baby." I always joke that I'd love to just unzip myself, take her out, give her a little squeeze and zip her back in until it's her time.

My old roommate came over for dinner last night (she's single, never married, no kids) and she was just in complete AMAZEMENT at Georgia's movements. (At this point in the game, my entire belly literally jumps and rolls...looks like I might be having a little octopus.) We were talking about where things might be (as in knees, feet, etc.) so I got out my Prepared Childbirth workbook I was looking at the other day and we were checking out the pictures. It really is pretty crazy...I mean your bladder is squished under EVERYTHING, your stomach is like in your armpit, God only knows where everything goes. The times I sit down to think about what a miracle it really is, the more in awe I am of the whole process, particularly how very, very lucky we are.

Anyway...I've moved from being depressed to being amazed. A good move, I'd say. As for everyone else, I've already started getting the "When are you due again?" and "No baby yet?" phone calls. Sigh. Oh well...they're all well intentioned, right? And I'm not overdue yet so none of them has gotten me irritated, but I think I might not answer the phone after my due date. I wonder which day she'll choose for her birthday. :)

Monday, January 30, 2006

Feeling like me again...

Will be a short little entry because I have a lot to get done today. I am feeling like myself again and the blues have been (thankfully) lifted. I really just felt like I was neck-deep in a blue funk and it sucked. Thank goodness for my sweet, sweet husband. I don't know what I would do without him. I am so relieved to not wake up in a cruddy mood, ready to cry at the drop of a hat. That's nice. :) I plan to enjoy my day today...busy as it will be. Not a very informative or interesting post today but I'm happy to report good news.

Saturday, January 28, 2006

Feeling blue...

I don't exactly know what's wrong with me, but I've been down in the dumps all week. Literally. Some really tragic news (someone I've grown to just adore gave birth to her little girl this week, and she was stillborn) hit me especially hard and just compounded the whole emotional side of life. I really, honestly don't know what the deal is. I have a WONDERFUL husband who has really tried very hard to be there for me and even brought me flowers one night. Bless him for that...if I don't understand what the heck is up with me, how in the world could he possibly do that? We were talking about things this morning and I just lost it. Again. Bawling my head off, can't get under control. Nice. I ended up calling my friend to tell her I won't make it to her little guy's birthday party...no way in the world could I have pulled that off. I of course start crying when I tell her I'm not coming...she asks if I'm in labor. Ha! That would mean I have a reason...no, just looney. Ugh. My friend is in town from California as well, so I missed a chance to see her which I hate as well. This better be a little hormonal dip that is followed by some sunshine soon.

In addition to my hormonal bluesy week, Mitchell has been a pill...not sleeping, pretty sassy, in general...being an expert 3 year old. Well, yesterday he had 6 poops and they were the kind that just BURN the skin. I mean it was on fire!! Poor guy. He just cannot figure out that telling us he's gone will be okay...especially when it hurts like that. He was screaming at the top of his lungs "OWIE, OWIE, STOP TOUCHING MOMMY, IT HURTS MOMMY" etc. while I'm trying to clean him off. It's one thing to tag team that with Chris but by myself at 37 (almost) weeks preggo is just NOT a good thing. I ended up soaking his little bottom in the tub for 10 minutes a couple of times and have gone through a ton of little washcloths with warm water because the wipes just kill him. It's much better today...I cut out the dairy, and all he's had are plain noodles, some toast, dry cereal and some applesauce. He hasn't gone yet today so hopefully it was a one day thing, but I have no idea what triggered it. Just praying we're on the upturn.

Some good news is that everything is plugging along with the pregnancy. Georgia is fine, I'm fine, nothing to report. She's measuring almost a week ahead, but does that really even mean anything? I don't think so, other than she's bigger than her brother was at this point.

Well, I'm exhausted. Chris and I had a pretty big tiff today and I don't think either of us feel good about it at all. There were plenty of tears on my end which I'm sure he was hoping he'd already seen the last of. How do you explain to someone that you have no idea why you're crying, that you have no idea why you're being unreasonable, that you have no idea why everything is putting you on edge and making you upset? Men need reasons and logic and there's NONE to be had in this body. I'm hoping that he just cuts me some slack...again. Ugh. See, crying again just thinking about it. Mitchell was still sleeping, so he went to church on his own. Hopefully just being away from me for awhile will do him some good. Who'd have thought with the long hours he works that he'd want MORE time away from home? Wow. Not the kind of motivation I was hoping to dish out, but there I am. I made an effort to get outside and get some fresh air and sunshine...hope it sunk in. (Still feels like a rain cloud to me, but I'm working on it.)

Oh well. Hopefully I'll feel better tomorrow.

Thursday, January 26, 2006


Okay, so why am I so incapable of doing some thinking during normal waking hours? Why does it have to be 4 am? I turn over and BOOM...my mind is going a million miles a minute. Finally at 4:15 I gave up and just came downstairs. The good news is that my new Snap N Go stroller is infant seat ready, and the infant seat is ready for the car! We only had one base for our carseat because they discontinued it like RIGHT after Mitchell was born and we were never able to find another. My brother and sister in law are letting us borrow their infant seat since it has two bases. My parents have one, so we thought we'd let my in laws use our old one in their car.

I have really been trying SOOOO hard not to spend money frivolously with this pregnancy. There are so many darn cute clothes and accessories (especially for little girls), but I've been REALLY good. I have so far only bought one outfit, if you can believe that. (You should see Georgia's closet and changing table though...packed to the GILLS, with only 0-3 clothes!!) Anyway, I was really, really wanting this pink chenille car seat cover for the infant seat. It's just so soft and plush and adorable, but it's also like $65 and a total waste of money. I came SOOO close to ordering it (free shipping!!!), but decided against it. I had to return a couple of things at BRU yesterday, so bought a pink double headrest instead, and she can just be blinged out in pink with that. Hee hee.

I had a completely hormonal Tuesday. Overwhelmed by anything and everything and ended up bawling my head off by the middle of the day. Mitchell is really struggling with separation anxiety and it just kills me. On one hand, it's heart breaking because I absolutely hate hearing him cry and seeing his little face all wrinkled up like that. Plus he says "I need you!" now. Nice work, Mitchell. It just goes against your mothering heart to leave your screaming child like that. Ouch. On the other hand, it's quite irritating because I ALWAYS come back, he has a great time at school, with the inlaws, whatever. I know it's a phase but it's a sucky one and it just pushed my "cry, cry, cry" button on Tuesday.

We have got to start doing more with him at home in terms of coloring, cutting, painting, gluing, etc. He is really resistant and I'm tempted to use the word "hates" it most of the time, but Chris and I talked last night and we're going to go stock up on some good craft supplies this weekend and give it more of a push at home. We'll make it as fun as possible...I guarantee, trains will be involved! :) I don't want to force it, but at the same time, I don't want to neglect it and have him be 5 and not know how to hold a pencil the right way or cut on a straight line.

Okay...I'm starving. Off for some breakfast.

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Everyone is so different...

I know, way to go Captain Obvious! But seriously, people are SOOOO different. I was just thinking about that on my way home from my prenatal water aerobics class tonight. We got into a discussion (can't remember how it even started) about women dressing provocatively, which led to women that you (as a woman) don't trust, which led to women and men who are married but cheat. One of the women said that previously, her husband had worked with a woman that was rumored to be boinking the boss. (The woman I know and her husband had since moved away, but he kept in touch with her.) Well, apparently she was sued by another person in the company because she got a promotion, while the suing person got passed over, even though it appeared it should be the other way around. She was feeding this "victim" story to this guy (the woman from class - her hubby) that she was just really misunderstood. So they get closer and sure enough, this woman checks her phone records and discovers that when she's going to the gym with the kids, he's calling the trampy lady. She didn't ever say anything about her discovery. At one point, she even wakes up at like midnight after they've both gone to bed, gets up to go to the restroom, discovers that he's not in bed, and goes to see why he's up. She hears him on the phone, so she listens to the conversation from his end and discovers that not only is he talking to this woman, he's having phone sex with her!!! SHE NEVER SAID ANYTHING TO HIM ABOUT IT. Okay...totally NOT what my reaction would be, but whatever. It gets worse, if you can believe that. So, I guess that this little trampy "victim" comes into town where they're now living for the weekend and he goes to spend time with her since he's her "friend" and comes home at like 3 in the morning. SHE STILL NEVER SAID ANYTHING. I guess that her friends still lived in the previous town and worked at the company and called to talk to her because they were concerned about her hubby's relationship with her and that they felt she was stringing him along. That's all she talked to him about...what her friends said. Nothing about what she herself knew. Unbelievable.

I don't know..maybe it's because of the experiences I've had before, maybe it's because I'm just a different person with a completely different personality, but there is NO WAY on God's green earth that I'd even let the calls while I'm out EVERY night go without a little chat. Beyond that, catching him having phone sex with her in the middle of the night??? Ummmm...no. Don't think so. And to top that whole thing off by allowing him to spend time with her while she's in town WITHOUT ME there??? I'm sorry...but him coming home at 3 in the morning is what I would expect as an outcome, personally. If they have phone sex, why else do you think she came to town but for some live, in-person sex???!!! Goodness. Oh, and for the record...this trashy victim lady ended up leaving her own husband (oh yeah, she was married as well) and running away with the boss after all.

I just was thinking about all of that on my drive home and how completely different people are. Not just how this woman failed to stick up for herself and her kids and hold her idiot husband accountable for his own behavior, but also how completely selfish and disgusting some people's lives are. I just will never understand treating other people that way. Having been on the receiving end of being cheated on while married (obviously NOT Chris), I think it's one of the most disrespectful, disgusting and loathsome things you can do.

The good news about all of this is that it confirmed to me what a great husband and overall solid marriage I have. I think that the trust and love and communication that Chris and I have is something I easily take for granted. Even though I've been through enough crap before that I really should never do that, I do. Well, tonight I got a little shot in the arm of feeling REALLY good about my own self-respect, the level of mutual respect in my marriage, and how incredibly lucky I am to be married to Chris. He's definitely the best friend I've ever had and I can honestly say that I am more in love with him every day. He's a wonderful husband and a completely fantastic father.

By the way...our 4th anniversary is in 2 weeks. Feels like it should be our 14th!! :) I love my husband. Let's end on that happy note.

Sunday, January 22, 2006

Just another day...

Okay, so it's Sunday and I woke up at 5 a.m. today. I was dreaming about spiders (yuck!), so thankfully that was cut short by Mitchell's request to be covered up again and have his music start over. By the time I used the restroom and got back to bed, Chris was sawing logs (quite loudly) and Georgia had the hiccups. No more sleep for me.

Today I have a shower at my friend, Nicole's house. I'm excited because it's just a small little get together, not a big deal. I wasn't even planning on having one, but she and Jenn insisted, so here we are. It's just going to be me, my mom, my mother in law, my two grandmas, Jenn, Nicole and both of their moms. I had her include on the invitation that no one needs to bring anything...it's enough just to be together, eat some treats and be happy that Georgia will be with us soon. I told her if people brought anything, it would be great to have some food for the freezer and that's about it. The only trouble with this shower is that it starts at 12 and the Broncos play at 1:06. (Why do they start at odd times like that??) For most moms to be, no biggie. Unfortunately, I'm a HUGE Bronco fan, so I will be racing home to see the game. Chris just can't even BELIEVE we're having it then, but since the planning window was small (it didn't get rolling until like 2 weeks ago) and my parents are going out of town next weekend, this was really it. My mom has stuff at her church she's responsible for every Sunday morning, so that left Sunday afternoon. Oh well...I'm sure we'll turn it on at the shower, knowing all of us! :) (Well, except Nicole -- she is not so much a football fan, I don't think.)

May I take this opportunity to completely change the subject and say that I'm REALLY growing tired of Thomas the Tank. He's on my last nerve. It could be because he's EVERYWHERE in this house and in the car, etc. Ugh. I'm reaching my Thomas threshold...good thing I'll have the baby to distract me soon because otherwise it could get ugly for ol' Thomas!! (Just kidding, but he really is beginning to annoy me.) I'm sure when he moves on to his next obsession I'll be looking back "Oh, remember when he loved Thomas? That was so cute!" It seems to go that way, doesn't it?

Off to wrap my hostess gifts and make some chili for the boys while they watch the game!

Friday, January 20, 2006


Okay, so I haven't blogged in over 3 months...what else would I begin with but hormones??

I woke up this morning and just felt a bit "off". I was nauseated, a bit grumpy, REALLY tired and just not myself. I was supposed to go to my mom's house and drop Mitchell off so that I could use a gift certificate at the spa for a manicure and lip/eyebrow wax. About half an hour before I was supposed to leave, I decided to cancel since I'd hate to spend precious spa time feeling like crap. Of course, this has led to multiple phone calls from my family wanting to make sure that I'm fine. I completely started bawling on the phone with Chris when I called him to tell him how I felt...and have no idea why. Well, yes I do...hormones. I was (half) joking with Chris the other day that I can barely handle my own hormones...what in the world am I supposed to do with MORE girl hormones???

That said, I'm trying so hard to just enjoy these last couple of weeks of being pregnant. I'm sick of the maternity clothes and the underwear that Mitchell could use as a nightshirt, but other than that I'm (not today obviously) feeling pretty good. I was just laughing with the person who is doing my private practice billing for me on the phone yesterday about how boring my appointments are and that sometimes it's almost not worth the drive. She said she'd love to have that problem...her daughter was born at 24 weeks and she's 21 weeks along now and already having issues again. Talk about wanting to take your words and stuff them right back into your mouth!! Nothing like someone else's reality to make your own seem like a dream.

I think that the more I think about pregnancy and childbirth, the more and more miraculous it seems. I've recently dug out our "prepared childbirth" handbook so we could practice relaxation and breathing techniques since he wasn't up for the 3 hour refresher course. Looking at the pictures, reading the information...no offense to those whose opinions differ, but I for the life of me CANNOT understand how someone can not believe in God. Truly. There is a little PERSON inside of me right now, growing and developing. When she comes out she will have one of our noses, one of our eye color, etc. Her personality will (uh-oh) resemble that of some of each of us...yet she won't be a clone. She'll be her own little person and we are trusted with the privilege of raising her in this crazy world. It's just insane.

I've heard from other friends who have had more than one child about what a giant Mitchell will look like when we bring her home. I had my first taste of that when I put the little pack of her diapers away in the changing table. I had to go get one of his pullups to put next to it and I was just in awe that his bootie started that small. (Smaller actually...I remember using premie diapers on him for awhile.) Yet, he still does seem so small to me...he's our little man. I don't know how in the world he got to be three years old or such a great little person, I just know I feel lucky to know him, let alone be his Mommy and current best friend. He's such a sweet boy and I hate to think that will ever change. He is just such a caring little guy and seems to have such a heart for other people and animals...every time he sees a baby or an animal on tv, he instantly goes into high pitched voice mode and says "Oh, look at the little baby/puppy/etc." Today he knew I wasn't feeling good, and he was playing with his toys and listening to his Sesame Street cd while I laid on the couch. He came over and gave me this gigantic hug and said "I'm so sorry you're sick, Mommy." **Melt** Who can explain that sort of heart grabbing feeling? No one told him to say that...he just did. Then, he laid on the couch with me, giving "his" Baby Georgia a big hug and singing the songs to her for about 10 minutes. Doesn't sound like a long time, but that's pretty much an eternity to a 3 year old. He'd sing, then kiss her, then do tickly fingers and say "tickle tickle", then give her a little rub with his fingers. Way too cute and makes me so glad we decided to have another. He already loves being a brother and she's not even out yet.

Speaking of Mitchell..he just woke up from his nap so that's the end of my first blogging session in awhile. Thanks for the nudge, Kim. :)