Yuck.

Pretty much, you have now just become a fly on the wall when I look in the mirror these days. (Just what you've always wanted to be, I'm sure.) I look and I think (and often mutter) "yuck."

I have had a struggle with my weight for many years now, and currently it's a full on war. I have bounced up and down and all around with my weight but right now, I'm up, and I'm not happy.

I'm not just unhappy about the weight itself and the fact that my fat pants are now my everyday pants. I'm not just unhappy about knowing that my health is suffering because of the extra pounds that I carry. I'm not just unhappy because my knees are bothering me again, due to the weight I've put back on.

I'm unhappy because there is no one to blame but me. I am responsible and I am so, so, so disappointed, angry and upset with myself about the whole thing. I could honestly type pages and pages of excuses. Reasons why it's happened, but it boils down to this:

I'm an emotional eater. I need to stop excusing and change the behavior. Period.

If you read my buddy, Earen's blog, you'll know that she posted about the very same thing today. I had to call her and let her know that I'm in the same boat, and that I honestly could have written most of what she wrote myself. I decided I'd join her in her Monday update to the world about how the whole thing is going, so look for that on Mondays.

In addition to having the entire internet world be able to see if I'm actually following through on my plans to better my physical health, I've taken what I consider to be a huge step for me. In my previous weight loss successes, I've done it with a partner. Either a roommate, my husband, a friend, etc. but never in an organized manner. This time, I decided that I needed something more. I needed to kick up the accountability a few notches.

I joined a group called First Place and I'm so, so excited about it. I have done some big time growing in my faith this year and I think that having my walk with the Lord be intertwined with my weight loss journey is exactly what I need. When I first found out about the group (which provides child care - yay!) I hopped on the internet and just bought the stuff I needed so that I couldn't back out later.

I finally am at a place where I'm ready to surrender ALL of it to Him...not just my present condition, but the things that led up to this point. I obviously am doing quite the sucky job of handling it on my own.

So, here I go...I'm on my way!

By the way, I've changed my signature again. (For the 3rd -- and likely not last--time.) So fun!