Monday, September 17, 2007

Mini-Me Monday - Check In #1

Okay - so it's my first check in and progress report for Mini-Me Monday. My good buddy, Earen had this Monday idea, so I decided that I would do it, too. I'm happy to see that Renee is joining our Mini-Me Monday movement, and I am excited to see the changes we're all going to be making. (I'm sure that some weeks we will have much to rejoice over and other weeks we will be taking a few steps back. It just feels better to take a journey like this with good friends.)

For me, this has been a week full of "Yay, me" and also some "Ummmm, yeah...not so much" happenings.

Do you want the good or the bad? Hmmmmm...let's start with bad and end on a good note, shall we?

The bad: I didn't consistently eat any better. Here and there I did, but let's just say that you very well could have witnessed the following things going in my mouth this weekend: pepperoni pizza, a homemade Coke float that my hubby whipped up, peanut m&m's, and chocolate chip cookies. Now, I'll say that not every meal had a black cloud hanging over it, but whatever I did right during the week, I surely undid this weekend. Can I blame my husband? Ummm, not so much. (See, there's one.) If I'm totally honest with the world, I can tell you that I had McDonald's for lunch today, and I didn't get a salad. Or grilled chicken. Nope - a burger. (Yeah....not so much, again.)

The good: I am proud to announce that I exercised 5 out of 7 days last week! Yay, me!!!! (And there's one of those.) The thing is, it's difficult for me to get my eating AND exercise on track at the same time. Not that I absolutely can't do both -- but I know myself well enough to know that I can't do both right out of the gate. SO...since my First Place (similar to weight watchers, but based on the Bible) group starts this Thursday night, I figured I'd get my bootie moving first so that I'm already in the habit of working out when it's time to full-on tackle the eating thing. I'm really looking forward to the first meeting and just staring that starting number right in the eyes. My guess is that I have about 50-55 pounds to lose to reach my end goal, but to get to my first goal, I know it's 20-25 FOR SURE. That, to me, feels very attainable.

I'm not sure if I provided any background last week, so I'll fill in a few gaps here. I have struggled with my weight off and on throughout college. Probably a bit in high school too, but I was so active then that all of my sports kept the weight off. (I played volleyball year round and soccer in the spring.) During my junior year of college, I started working out with a personal trainer who was also a dietician. I don't know exactly how much weight I lost, but it was quite a bit. All of that went by the wayside during grad school and I seriously ballooned up. I am a stress eater and I have trouble sleeping when I'm stressed as well. I was just not taking care of myself at all then -- eating terribly, not exercising, drinking regularly, not sleeping well, not taking vitamins...let's just say I was not exactly the poster child for healthy living.

Fast forward a few years and you have me post-divorce (um, yeah -- can we just say I'll get back to that one later?) and living with two roommates. One of my roommates and I started working out together 3-5 times a week and eating really well. I dropped quite a bit of weight and was feeling and looking so much better. Got married, and a month later I found out I was pregnant. I gained about 45 pounds with my first pregnancy and kept about 30 of it for about two years.

My husband and I together did the South Beach thing and we just did awesome! He lost close to 50 pounds and I lost about 30. I was working out with a neighbor at an all women's gym and loved it. Then I got pregnant. Oh, and in the middle of that I had a freak accident/fall and tore my patellar tendon in my knee. That pretty much cooked my exercise goose. I didn't gain as much with Miss G, but I also started at a lower weight, so I think that helped a lot.

What it didn't help was me continue the lifestyle changes that I'd made. I had some WICKED food aversions when pregnant with her, and I kid you not, I would become nauseated even talking about salad. (I love salad normally, so this was a big problem.) Anyway -- it just totally derailed the train we had chugging along so nicely.

So, now -- here I am, back where I started. Needing to lose a ton of weight and trying not to feel defeated about looking up from the base of the same mountain again. That's what it feels like to me. A mountain. Nothing I can't do, but sitting in a recliner while eating junk food and watching someone else give it a whirl sounds like a much more tempting plan most of the time.

Tempting. That's a key for me.

The thing about me and temptation when it comes to food is that I am weak and vulnerable the first few weeks and then I'm golden. I am selfish and greedy in that I need to see results and get some positive encouragement from people who are just making observations in order to keep me motivated. It's so sad for me to admit that I just plain don't have the intrinsic motivation to do this that some people do. I don't enjoy working out and I have a serious love affair with food. Okay, let's call it what it is. An addiction.

There, I said it.

So, anyway -- that's me in a nutshell. That's how I got here.

The one thing I know is that I cannot do this alone. I need support. I need encouragement, and finally, I realize -- I need to lean on the Lord for my strength and motivation. His Word can guide my footsteps, and through my friends and First Place group, I know I'll get the prayer, support and encouragement I need.

With Him I can do anything. By myself, I just wind up on the same ridiculous roller coaster ride and I'm ready to get off. I'm upset with myself for having this be such an on-going issue in the "First Place" (ha, ha!) and it is comforting to me to know that God wants more for me as well. He desires that I have self-discipline and self-control, and I owe that not only to Him and myself, but to my children as well. They deserve a happy, healthy mom who can show them how to live a balanced life.

I know that Earen also posted this verse on her blog today, and I'm glad that it resonated with her as well. I read this while doing a Bible study last week and it just jumped off the page at me. The verse was only mentioned in passing, but to me it may as well have been in neon. I wrote it down and now have it as my guiding verse in this Mini-Me journey.

Hebrews 12:11 - "No discipline is enjoyable while it is happening - it is painful! But afterward, there will be a quiet harvest of right living for those who are trained in this way."

It helps to know that this isn't supposed to be easy and that, really - it's supposed to suck. I also like that there is a quiet harvest waiting for me at the finish line. At first, I thought -- hmmm, harvest. Let me get a better picture in my head of that because I'm a visual thinker and to be honest, I thought of corn and pumpkins. (Food -- go figure, right?) Anyway - here is my favorite definition:

5. the result or consequence of any act, process, or event: The journey yielded a harvest of wonderful memories.

The consequence of my acts. The result of this process. A harvest. I don't just want that - everything within me needs it desperately, so I'll just keep putting one foot in front of the other and doing the best that I can.

Oh - and look for big happenings tomorrow (well, big for me -- it's a milestone and I'm doing a giveaway!)


Earen said...

I support you 100%...I have no doubts that you can do this & I'm proud of you Tara. I'm proud of you for exercising & working on what you're eating...but also, for laying it on the line & opening up your heart & struggles! I'm with you every step of the way & am praying for you!! I'm excited to see how the Lord is going to mold us - yet again through all of this!

Renee said...

Woo-hoo Tara!! You should give yourself a pat on the back for being so honest, and for your commitment. I'm excited to see what a blessing this is going to for us!

Have I mentioned that I'm proud of you?

Nancy said...

I found your blog through Mari, who is a good friend of mine. I can relate to your food needs, I love all food & am what I call a grazer, like constant munching. Good for you for getting out to excerise, one step at a time is all it takes, keep it up!!!!

Sarah Markley said...

I know you can do it, Mini-Tara! My weight loss(es) story is also long and crazy. Keep it up - if you've done it before, you can surely do it again!

Anonymous said...

I'll keep the night watch (being in Japan it's daytime when it's nighttime for you). I pray that God will help you on this journey. Being honest with ourselves and to one another is a great first step. I am poud of you. Be sure to send me pics of your progress too!!

Anonymous said...

Oh and by the you know why all the ladies in Japan are so skinny? You can hardly pick up any food with those darn chopsticks!! :)

Rebekah said...

very good post. I too, have been getting at least 3 to 4 firm work outs in a week. The girls like to do them with me, but I usually have to shew them away so I dont step on them.