Tuesday, October 09, 2007


It seems to be major theme in my life most days, which I'm sure you've noticed if you've read anything I've written before.

I'm a control addict, and I readily admit that. Losing my tight grip on everything within reach is a big struggle for me. It's something that I'm very motivated to do, but I'm finding it to be very difficult.

I want to control everything - and this is becoming more and more apparent as I truly start to dig in and address the issue. I want to control my physical environment, the people in my home, people in my family, anything I interact with, basically. It's pathetic.

The thing is -- I really thought it would be so easy. Like "Hey, this is a problem. I'll just pray about it and it will get easier." Bing, bam, boom - end of story.

Ohhhhhh, Tara. You nit wit.

Obviously God has some lessons in here for me -- things to learn about myself, about others, about the way I want to be treated, about the way I treat others (vs. how I think I treat others), and how I prioritize my time. I can already feel the Enemy creeping in -- using some slip-ups to whisper in my ear that I'm not good enough, that it's a lost cause, that I'll just fall back into old patterns again. It's a familiar tune; I have heard it so many times before.

I'm determined to stay focused. I know that I'm far from perfect so I'm trying to accept imperfections along the way because, well, helllooooooo? It's par for the course.

I'm encouraged by something I read in Praying the Scriptures For Your Children today. It says:

"The most effective prayers stem from the belief - the unshakable certainty - that God is absolutely, totally, one hundred percent in control."

So, remind me why I fight so hard to drive? I'm so NOT in the driver's seat. Never have been, never will be.

Lord, help me surrender my selfish, arrogant ways and just give it all over to You. You're already IN control. Help me realize that so I can spend my energy in happy, productive ways, rather than tugging on the end of a rope that will never budge my way. Be my strength, be my hope, and give me the peace that I should already possess knowing that You are without a doubt in control. In Your Name, Amen.


Earen said...

Well, we are definitely in the same boat Tara! Over the years though, I've found how much freedom I feel when I release that control over to the Lord & know that He's truly in control...just like you mentioned. It's hard to "let go" and allow the Lord to work..because we are human & we think we can control it best. You have a wonderful heart & your desire to pursue Him in every area is very evident. The Lord loves you dearly & so do I!

BethAnne said...

Girl, I wish we were next door neighbors so we could get together and have coffee and talk about how much we are ALIKE!!!! Thank you for your sweet words today. I am a control person too - its a hard habit to break. As moms we have to control so many things it is sometimes hard to stop. My husband supervises many, many people and I have to tell him sometimes that I dont work for him - he doesnt mean to boss me around, but he is so used to doing it at work it is hard to stop when he comes home.
I believe the first step to change is admitting that you are a control freak, so we have taken the first step----do you know what the next step is? hahaaha

Mari said...

Me too! I realize more and more that I think I need to be in control. I need to give it up, because I know full well that God can handle things better than me. Thanks for the reminder.

Heather C said...

Man... this is me too, girlie. #1 Type A Control Freak personality right here. \o/

Satan loves to just whisper in our ear and remind us of our shortcomings, doesn't he? Praying the Lord will block your ears, and replace those accusing whispers with assurances of His love and faithfulness. God bless you, my friend!

Anonymous said...

Me too---I wish I could control the situation I am in right now. I have to trust that He knows what is best not only for me but for each of my family members too. It's moment by moment, minute by minute challenge. Keep plugging away girl!!
BTW, we ate some yummy FF last night and I was telling my mom about you. (too funny that you commented about that on my Blog)

Alana said...

Well, apparently all of us bloggy friends have the same problem!

Control is definitely an ilusion. When I let go, I am always blessed, but it is like pulling teeth to get myself there.

Great post!!

Rebekah said...

Im with ya, girl. I have often wondered if this trait is a learned behavior from being a mother. Or maybe God made us like this because 'Mommy' is the 'do-it-all'. Either way, I have had to learn to let go

Renee said...

Can I just say that I love you? I love how you're letting God have more and more (ahem) control in your life. It's very inspiring to watch. :)

I too am a member of control freaks anonymous. It's part of my whole not liking it when things don't go exactly like I thought they were going to personality. So I'm right there with you, friend.

I think about Becca. She's at the age now where we're starting the 'control' battles. She wants to do everything herself, and she just doesn't know her limitations yet. On one hand, it's cool to watch, because she's not afraid to fail, like I am. But sometimes it's scary, because she wants to do things that could really hurt her. She thinks it would be so fun to do them on her own, but if she would just listen to me, then she would be safe. Just another example of God teaching us through our children.

Love you, friend!! Mmmmmwwwwaaaa!