Thursday, February 16, 2006

Stiiiiilllll going...

Had my 39 week appointment yesterday. No change. Nothing doing. It was with the doctor I'm probably least comfortable with in the practice. She's not very friendly...not unfriendly, just I always get the impression that she'd rather be somewhere else. She never tries to familiarize herself with me, my situation, anything personal like that. Just all business. I guess that's good because I'm sure she'd be great at actually delivering the baby -- but it's such a personal experience that I prefer someone who also wants to know you and a little bit about you. I would think it would be quite an honor and privilege to be part of helping someone's family grow and bringing a new life into the world. I guess that's just me...I'd try to make sure that the personal part of it was as as important to me as the medical/business part of it if I were an OB. Oh well... hopefully she won't be on call when I need to deliver, but if she is, it will be fine.

My friend gave me very good advice yesterday. She told me that as hard as it is, to try to take a step back and appreciate the experience. Focus on the amazing child I've been raising for the past three years and see him in a new light. Concentrate on what truly a miracle it is to have another little person growing inside of me and appreciate what a blessing it is to be able to do this. I think she's absolutely right. This is the last child for us, so these are the last few days I'll EVER be pregnant, and as miserable as I am at times, I know I'll miss it. As eager as I am to hold and cuddle and snuggle her, I know I'll miss watching her move inside of me...there's just something magical about it.

Anyway...I'm trying to not to be too big of a complainer here at the end, but sometimes it's just hard. It will be over soon and we'll have her to hold and this will seem like forever ago. I do remember that. Waiting is hard in waiting in line at the grocery store, waiting for a package to come in the mail, waiting for a phone call from a friend, waiting for a loved one to come home. I can honestly say though that waiting for a little person that you helped create and grow into a strong, healthy human being is the hardest waiting of all. That said, it's more than worth it.

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