Saturday, January 28, 2006

Feeling blue...

I don't exactly know what's wrong with me, but I've been down in the dumps all week. Literally. Some really tragic news (someone I've grown to just adore gave birth to her little girl this week, and she was stillborn) hit me especially hard and just compounded the whole emotional side of life. I really, honestly don't know what the deal is. I have a WONDERFUL husband who has really tried very hard to be there for me and even brought me flowers one night. Bless him for that...if I don't understand what the heck is up with me, how in the world could he possibly do that? We were talking about things this morning and I just lost it. Again. Bawling my head off, can't get under control. Nice. I ended up calling my friend to tell her I won't make it to her little guy's birthday party...no way in the world could I have pulled that off. I of course start crying when I tell her I'm not coming...she asks if I'm in labor. Ha! That would mean I have a reason...no, just looney. Ugh. My friend is in town from California as well, so I missed a chance to see her which I hate as well. This better be a little hormonal dip that is followed by some sunshine soon.

In addition to my hormonal bluesy week, Mitchell has been a pill...not sleeping, pretty sassy, in general...being an expert 3 year old. Well, yesterday he had 6 poops and they were the kind that just BURN the skin. I mean it was on fire!! Poor guy. He just cannot figure out that telling us he's gone will be okay...especially when it hurts like that. He was screaming at the top of his lungs "OWIE, OWIE, STOP TOUCHING MOMMY, IT HURTS MOMMY" etc. while I'm trying to clean him off. It's one thing to tag team that with Chris but by myself at 37 (almost) weeks preggo is just NOT a good thing. I ended up soaking his little bottom in the tub for 10 minutes a couple of times and have gone through a ton of little washcloths with warm water because the wipes just kill him. It's much better today...I cut out the dairy, and all he's had are plain noodles, some toast, dry cereal and some applesauce. He hasn't gone yet today so hopefully it was a one day thing, but I have no idea what triggered it. Just praying we're on the upturn.

Some good news is that everything is plugging along with the pregnancy. Georgia is fine, I'm fine, nothing to report. She's measuring almost a week ahead, but does that really even mean anything? I don't think so, other than she's bigger than her brother was at this point.

Well, I'm exhausted. Chris and I had a pretty big tiff today and I don't think either of us feel good about it at all. There were plenty of tears on my end which I'm sure he was hoping he'd already seen the last of. How do you explain to someone that you have no idea why you're crying, that you have no idea why you're being unreasonable, that you have no idea why everything is putting you on edge and making you upset? Men need reasons and logic and there's NONE to be had in this body. I'm hoping that he just cuts me some slack...again. Ugh. See, crying again just thinking about it. Mitchell was still sleeping, so he went to church on his own. Hopefully just being away from me for awhile will do him some good. Who'd have thought with the long hours he works that he'd want MORE time away from home? Wow. Not the kind of motivation I was hoping to dish out, but there I am. I made an effort to get outside and get some fresh air and sunshine...hope it sunk in. (Still feels like a rain cloud to me, but I'm working on it.)

Oh well. Hopefully I'll feel better tomorrow.

1 comment:

Kim said...

Oh honey! ((((((HUGS)))))) Hope today is a better day for you!