Friday, November 02, 2007

The blahs...and Mini-Me #7

I got 'em. And I mean I have GOT 'em. I haven't been in a very bloggy mood lately -- I think it's because every time I think about writing something down, I get all blah-ish again. I'm blue. Funky blue.

So, the Mini-Me part of things -- not so mini. Up another half of a pound. This time, I seriously (and I mean SERIOUSLY) had to talk myself out of bawling my eyes out in front of everyone. I stepped right off of the scale and had to go to the restroom and compose myself. My leader that did the weigh in was very sweet (sigh -- AGAIN) and understanding, but I'm pretty sure that she might think I'm a bit nuts at this point.

I didn't say a single word during the Bible study. Not one word. And that's just not me. Well, it is, actually -- when I get upset, discouraged, frustrated, etc. -- I clam up. So, there is your explanation for my MIA bloggy status. I just don't have words.

The thing is, I know that I'm doing the right things. I can honestly say that I have nothing to be ashamed of this week. I fulfilled all of my commitments. I was accountable to myself and to others. I not only did my Bible studies, scripture readings and memorizations - I did them joyfully.

Which is why it really stinks that I let myself get down and not participate in the Bible study when I had the chance. I let "him" win again. I was right where he wanted me, even though I was *really* right where the Lord wanted me to be. I missed it because I got distracted by thoughts and feelings that I know in my heart are nowhere near what I was meant to be feeling. The upside to being quiet is that I heard some pretty great discussion from my fellow group members and even though I was a complete non-participant, I left feeling blessed anyway.

I think that's the thing. I need to stop looking at this through my own eyes -- that leads to seeing what the world sees, what the enemy wants me to see. My own eyes don't show me what I need to see. I need to start looking at this through His eyes.

Okay -- really. I'm such an idiot. Guess what I just thought of? My memory verse for this past week...want to know what it was???

I Samuel 6:13 "The Lord does not look at the things that man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance but the Lord looks at the heart."

Ummmm, yeah. I get it. I. GET. It!!! Can you say slow learner??

As my thoughts turn to THIS week's verse...

James 4:7 "Submit yourselves then, to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you."

Okay. Guess I have my game plan then. I have a devil to resist, friends. Oh, and there's more. I read these two thoughts while doing my Bible study tonight. It hit home in a major, MAJOR way for me, particularly given the verse that I put on my fridge last week.

"The devil enjoys placing before your eyes the things that are your greatest temptations. Images of food appear when you are hungry, images of bed and/or rest appear when you feel too tired to exercise, images of all you have to do appear when you are pressed for time and you haven't done your Bible study. All these images lead you away from God and what He wants for you."

"Satan is working overtime to make sure temptation is everywhere."

So, there ya go. That's where I am. That's where I've been. That's where I'll be.

I promise, I'll be back. I just need to go inward for a bit. Do some thinking. Let these thoughts rattle around a little longer. Love to all of you, my bloggy friends.

Happy Friday.

p.s. Earen and Renee, thank you for your check-ins and encouragement...they are like big, warm hugs and I can't thank you enough. I thank the Lord for both of you and the priceless gift of your friendship.


Earen said...

Oh sweet friend...I'm so sorry for your struggles as I completely understand, but wow, I'm excited for what the Lord is doing in your heart. Although He does care about how we take care of ourselves, the true value to Him comes in our hearts...I don't know, maybe He's getting everything thing of us inside first & then from that flows the outside. I love you friend & I'm praying for you & walking this journey right beside you. I'm proud of you...

Sittintall said...

Hey sorry you've had the blues. I've had those so frequently, which is one of the reasons I don't blog every day (otherwise I'd be saying negative comments every day about husband, kids, life, etc). I just wanted to say that I've been thinking of you, and missing your thoughts and insights. But you are totally where you need to be...seeking Him and quietly, inward, searching His ways. How quickly we forget that when something doesn't go our way. I am with you, praying. Hope you find your way out of the slump. God will prevail.

Mari said...

I'm so sorry for the way your week went. Any of us who have weight issues understand your feelings. The great thing is that you have been able to look deeper and go beyond that. I bet next week shows progress at the scale - you've already shown progress in your heart!

Alana said...

I understand this full well. In fact, I've been in my own little funk this week.

I hope this next week is better for you!

BethAnne said...

I am so sorry that you have been struggling this week - I have wondered where you were. I am praying for you - losing weight is the hardest thing ever! And for some reason we let our weight control our moods. Why are those two things so closely related? Anway, I pray that your joy will return 100000-fold and that the number on that scale would not steal it.
Remember, I am your cheerleader. I know how disheaterning issues of weight can be. I happen to know very well - I tried on several outfits last night for church today that didnt fit right anymore - I am with ya on the weight thing, sister.
I am rooting for you - remember that your weight is secondary to your heart for the Lord - Hei s looking at your heart not your hips!

Anonymous said...

Hey! I hear ya, girl! The blues, they come around every so often, just waiting for an event to top it all off so they can spill out everywhere. That event can be anything, really. I was in a bit of a funk myself for a couple of weeks here lately, and I'm just seeing the sun again. Ann, over at Holy Experience, wrote during that time about "seeing" - really seeing, and she sounded a bit like she had a touch of the blues, too, at the time. I discovered, like she did, that the fog lifts gradually as we pray... it seems like nothing is happening, then a flash of light... then more, then shadows, a shaft of light... and slowly, slowly, I found myself moving toward it, and things grew clearer as I did.
"Grace upon grace..." that's all it is. Sometimes it's good to listen and not talk. Sometimes we need to SEE and THINK about what we see.
But until that light comes, don't think too hard... try to remember, things are not in true perspective when you have the blues. Everything looks much worse than it really is, but time has a way of healing that. Just tell yourself, "do the next thing..." trust that the duties given to you are graces, and that the light will come! Wait quietly. I'm only telling you what I've told myself again and again this last month.

"Any woman can be beautiful - but only a daughter of God can be truly radiant!" :)
You have a beautiful, exuberant spirit, Tara...and although I don't know you and have never seen you in person, your face is radiant with His love in your pictures, and your spirit is radiant in your words. Good girl to resist the enemy... keep on resisting! He'll flee eventually. :)


Emily said...

I am so sorry you're feeling down and discouraged. For all the wonderful words of encouragement you offer all of your bloggy friends, including me, you are completely normal to have some down time yourself. I am praying for strength, peace and joy as you work through everything you're feeling. I have seen you grow in the Lord so much and I know He has wonderful things for you. You are such an encouragement to me as a friend, mother and Christian. To know you can truly say what's on your mind and not pretend everything is always perfect. Thank you for sharing your life with me, I pray you're feeling better soon. Love you !

Heather C said...

((((((((((((Tara))))))))))))))) This week I am praying that you will know without a doubt that the Lord your God is with you, and he is mighty to save you... from anything the enemy throws at you. That you will realize that He is taking great delight in you, that He will quiet you with His love, and that you will hear with clarity the song He is singing over you this week. Hang in there! :)


Abby said...

hahahaha i love when the Lord brings reminders to us again and's like OOOOOOOHHHHHHH ok, my bad...i didn't get that the first 100 times you showed me that verse this week...praying for you!! :)

Rebekah said...

Ya know, I have found that the closer I draw toward God, the more crap Satan throws at me. So I guess trials are a good thing (depending on how you look at it) It means that Satan is scared and calling out the big guns to bring me down.
But he can't do!! I turn to Jesus

Renee said...

Have I told you lately that you are one of my favorite friends? Well, in case I haven't, you are.

You are such a gift to me. Your words inspire me when I need inspiration. Your friendship comforts me when I need comfort. Your personality makes me laugh when I need a good laugh.

I love you, and wish I could be there to give you a hug in person!