Walking...

My sweet, sweet hubby has been so wonderful to make sure that I get some time to myself on the weekends -- and I usually go for a walk. It's nice not to have to push the stroller, stop to dish out snacks, put jackets on, take them off, pick up sippy cups that have rolled under the stroller, etc. I also don't have to stop at the park for a wiggle break. I can just strap on my iPod and start walking. I get to keep walking until I want to stop.

I'm always surprised by the flood of thoughts and ideas that I experience -- they don't seem to make their way out of their little brain jail until I'm alone and just walking. Maybe it's because I'm always too preoccupied, or too focused on other things and other people in every other situation. Maybe it's because I don't take the time to just breathe. To just focus on me and the things that have been building up -- thoughts, emotions and ideas come in a steady stream as I walk.

Stress.
Anxiety.
Praise.
Joy.
Worry.
Fear.

It all seems to come out when I'm walking by myself. I was thinking about this yesterday as I was trucking along -- and it's like my walks become one big prayer. Sometimes I pray out loud, sometimes I pray silently, and sometimes I let the music I'm listening to guide my prayers. I pray for myself, I pray for my family, and I pray for countless others that are on my heart and in my mind.

I always thought that I liked to walk by myself because I didn't have to deal with the exercise-hindering issues that come with kids and strollers, but yesterday I realized that I like to walk by myself because it's such a huge release. You'd think it would have been more obvious, but for some reason it wasn't. Yesterday as I left, both of my (sick) kiddos were pretty much melting down at the fact that Mommy was walking without them. They were both throwing pretty sizeable tantrums, which of course, made me feel guilty for leaving my husband alone to deal with it. Instead of being annoyed, he said "Honey, GO. I got it. We'll be fine -- just go do your thing."

So, with a big sigh and a somewhat reluctant stride, I made my way down the sidewalk and away from the house. As I got about a block away, I called home and asked him if he was sure he wanted me to go. He just laughed (above the screaming in the background) and said that it was fine and the only thing that would make him upset is if I came home. With that reassurance, I set out on my way.

Obviously, my thoughts and prayers started there, at home, and as I prayed, I was aware of the fact that I was physically walking away from the stress and into my own little world. I wasn't going to work, not to the grocery store, not running errands, not volunteering at school -- I was going to be alone with myself, my thoughts, and my desire to improve my life.

What a gift.