Tuesday, October 21, 2008

If ya don't like poop stories, come back later.

Hey. I warned you. Right up there on top. I mean business.

Last night I made dinner. Yummy dinner. Chicken manicotti, garlic bread, and salad. Even oatmeal raisin cookies for dessert.

By the way - can anyone guess why we had such a well rounded dinner? Yes, MOPS mommies - you probably guessed it. I took dinner to a new mom and made the same thing for us. It's like the only time I include a dessert. Anyone else do that or is it just me?? Anyway...

Chris got tied up (not literally, don't worry) at work so I was had the kids eat early and figured I'd wait and eat with my hubster when he got home from work. Yum, yum - everyone eats and Miss G decides she's done.

So.

I say "Are you ready for me to clean you up so you can get down?"
She says "Ummm, I got some poop."
I say "No problem, let's just change your diaper then."

I walk over and whoooooooooooooo. She sure did have some poop - it was stinkin' to high heaven in that little pink booster seat of hers! So, I put the changing pad on the floor in the living room, grab the wipes and go get her. She starts FREAKING OUT when I'm trying to take her pants off. I'm like what is the deal??? (Oh, and I hear the garage door go up right about this time, so he hears her getting all nuts.) I get her calmed down, assure her everything is okay and she's fine.

So, I lay her down -- looks like a mini-blowout. You know the one. Slightly on the waistband of the pants and a tiny bit on her lower back. No biggie. I've seen worse.

(Ha, ha, ha, ha. I can hear my husband laughing at me right about here.)

Take her diaper off and ohhhh, my word. The stink. VERY stinky. UNUSUALLY stinky. As in gag stinky. My hubby walks around the corner right about now and brilliantly says, "How's it goin'?" Yeah. I think I managed to lock eyes while rolling them at the same time, and possibly may have grunted in his direction as well. Mitchell is a doll and runs upstairs to get her pajamas for me so that after I'm done washing off her back she can just jump in her jammies.

Mitchell comes back downstairs and says "Hey, Mom - is that poop on your shirt?" I look down and see a little spot where I was attacked by my spoon when tasting the sauce for the manicotti. I say "Nope. Just spaghetti sauce." Chris says "It really does look like she pooped on you." I say "Nope. Just sauce." Meanwhile I'm thinking that he's the one who gets pooped on in this house.

Back to the massive cleanup. Luckily it was trash night so Chris was on his way out to the curb with the trash anyway, so I just added the toxic grocery bag to his collection. Georgia is fresh n' clean, in her jammies, so I squirt her hands with the antibacterial stuff that I should buy stock in -- and she gets up to go play. I go toss her clothes into the washer on the soak setting and then head to the kitchen to wash my hands. Wash them up and am drying them when Chris comes back in.

I said to him "You know, I must really have been bothered by that stink because I can still REALLY smell it!" He said "It's fresh in your mind. It'll pass." Two seconds later, as he's helping me clear the table, he says..."Well, I think I know what you're smelling."

Yeah. A nice little pile of poop on her booster seat. DIS-GUS-TING. It was so gross. *By the way, I figured out this is why she was freaking out. She must have felt the poop come out when I picked her up or something.* SOOOOO, he goes to get the lysol for me while I scoop the poop. Together we manage to get all of the straps out of the chair so that they can join her clothes in the washing machine. I remember that there is another set of clothes that could use some soaking so I ask Chris to grab those for me.

He comes into the laundry room and I say "You know, I can STILL smell that poop! It just WON'T leave my nose!" He says "Well, why don't you just toss your clothes in there, too. Maybe that's it?"

Okay, just so you know, I'm literally sitting here giggling as I type this.

I take off my shirt and OH. MY. GOODNESS. There are two HUGE smears of poop on my shirt!! One is under my big ol' left nursing boob and one is on the sleeve of the left arm. My boobs are big enough at this point that they hid the poop from my sight...how sad is that? I started cracking up and said "Oh my gosh! There's poop all over my shirt!!"

Chris says "We tried to tell you that, but you said it was just sauce."
I laugh and point to my tiny little smear of sauce and say "THIS is the sauce. THIS (big, giant smears) is the poop!"
My hubby says "Well, I know you - and being in the position you were in, I wasn't about to argue with you about what spaghetti sauce looks like. I figured you probably wouldn't like that."

Smart man, that Cabana Boy! I hope you got as big of a laugh out of this as we did. I was about crying I was laughing so hard. We both agreed that this was another of life's very bloggable moments.

10 comments:

Mari said...

Yes - I remember those days. My best poop story was the first time I took my son to church. He was probably about 3 weeks old. I was wearing a light green dress. You can imagine what happened. Yes - he had a blowout! Yes - it was all over my dress. I had to leave church and anyone who saw me walking out knew why. Pretty funny!
PS - I do the same thing when I bring a meal. :)

Cheri said...

Can I just say a huge
BLESS YOU!!!

When I was reading your post about bringing a meal to someone I about leapt out of my chair because I'm supposed to bring someone a meal tomorrow and I had completely forgotten!
Now that would have been embarrassing!

BethAnne said...

Oh honey! I believe that once you get the nasty poop smell in your sinus cavity it will not remove itself until days later....seriously!!! When Lake had Rotavirus, I thought I would never stop smelling that smell....UGH and on your shirt too? Bless your heart.

Janelle said...

You write poop better than anyone else I know! :)

Shelley said...

I love a good poop story. It makes me feel better about my own experiences! Oh, and the boobs, that was FUNNY. And Oh how I can relate to that!

And Yes. The ONLY time I make dessert is when I'm taking a meal somewhere else!

Emily said...

ROFL!!! Seriously Tara, the title only made me wish I had a faster internet connection :) You guys have enough poop stories for three families!!! Lord bless your sense of humor about it all, and yes, that is one smart man you married! Hugs!!!

I'm Sadie said...

Your life is so full of adventures. You never fail to make me laugh! Glad you figured out why you were still smelling poop!

Lynn said...

Glad you were able to laugh about it. Adeline didn't poop today....I'm waiting for the blowout tomorrow. ;o)

Alana said...

Oh dear, that is a funny one. Such a glamorous life we lead as Moms. This too shall pass (bwahaha!). Love ya!

Denise said...

oh, i remember when my life was poop stories, everyday there were poop stories. but this one beats them all.