A Hand To Hold...

On Thursdays I work and am lucky enough to have in-laws that not just agree to, but love to watch our kids for me while I see my clients. The kids look forward to going, and their grandparents look forward to having them. It's free daycare for us, so it's a great situation all the way around.

Yesterday morning as we arrived, Georgia did something that really caught my attention. It was one of those things that I'm sure on most days I'd never notice, but ever since it happened, I have found myself thinking about it pretty frequently.

It was really cold yesterday morning so Miss G was all bundled up in her coat and hat and was tightly clutching her beloved Duck Duck in her right arm. I was walking beside her on her left side. As we got to the porch step that is much too tall for her to just step right up on, she stopped. Then she simply lifted her chubby little hand in the air.

She didn't look up.
She didn't look around.
She didn't say "Momma."
No, she simply held up her hand and knew with unfailing certainty that I would be there to help her. She was right...I was.

As you may or may not recall, I have chosen the word "Trust" to be my guiding theme for the coming year. There was my not-yet-two-year-old baby girl demonstrating for me what it truly means to trust. Without batting an eye, she raised her hand into the air, confident that I would be there to hold it and help her get where she needed to go.

I so badly want that to be me.

Next time I'm standing in front of a step that I know is much too large for me to take, holding tightly to that which I hold so dear, I want to without a second thought hold up my hand. I want to do that and know that He is beside me, waiting to take my hand and give me the help we both know I need.

Unfortunately, this is not a strength of mine. Yet.

I tend to get into situations that require a great deal of faith and trust and do a lot of talking about both of those things, yet it takes me a while to actually do the trusting and have the faith. It's not that I don't think the Lord walks beside me. It's not that I don't think He cares. It's not that I don't think He wants to help me.

It's that I don't make myself available for being helped. He can't hold my hand unless I give it to Him. Many times I make it as though I need to seek Him out with bullhorns and neon lights.

"Yo, God -- this way. I'm over here. I see a step. I'm afraid. I can't do it myself. I need help."

Sure, that will get His attention. Sure, He will find me. Sure, He will help me.

But He'll do it anyway, even if I don't say a word.

Psalm 9: 9-10 (NLT)

9 The LORD is a refuge for the oppressed,
a stronghold in times of trouble.

10 Those who know your name will trust in you,
for you, LORD, have never forsaken those who seek you.

Trust.

I keep coming back to trust in a big way, friends. I just never thought my little Love Bug would give me such a clear example of what it's supposed to look like.

Wordless Wednesday...

Blue Tootsie Pop + Runny Nose = Not Good For Anybody

Spreading Free Holiday Cheer...

Okay, I know -- two posts in one day! But I had to share! You see, last year one of my friends emailed this to me and Mitchell just about peed his pants watching it. Then we did it with Mitchell's picture and the child was literally doubled over, cracking up through the whole thing.

Well, folks -- it's that time of year again and this time, they've bumped it up a notch. Instead of one picture, you can use up to four.

So. Of course we did the whole family!!

I just emailed it out and have gotten responses that have ranged from "sort of disturbing" to "hilarious" to "wow". (Incidentally, the friend who said it was slightly disturbing OF COURSE tried it herself!) So -- make your own decision. If you (and your kids) love it, you can make your own when we're done grooving. Oh, and you can record your own voice on there, too -- but we were much too impatient to wait for that to finish loading. Enjoy!

Watch our family rock the house by clicking here.

Tag, I'm It!

My buddy, Jennifer, tagged me for a Meme -- 8 Random Things. If you have read any of my blog at any time, you will know that I specialize in randomness. I know I just did 7 things about me a while back, but this time, I will NOT be consulting The Cabana Boy so it is all me.

1. I was bald until about the age of 3. Then I was a toehead. Now I'm back to being a brunette (natural color) with blonde highlights (a little help with those) and have more hair than I can handle. (Seriously - it takes forever and a day to dry because there is SO MUCH of it. I am not intentionally whining, for those of you who are about to tell me to count my blessings because you have thin hair and hate it. I'm just saying - it's REALLY thick and some days, it stinks.)

2. I am the only person in my house who likes pickles.

3. My nickname when I was little was (hold onto your hats, friends -- it's gonna blow you away)... Motor Mouth.

4. I have never, ever been able to consistently sleep through the night.

5. My husband and I had our son named before we were married, let alone pregnant.

6. I have always really, really, really wanted to go to Italy.

7. I am uber clumsy. As in, my college roomie nicknamed me "Ouch" for awhile.

8. I can do this funky thing called the 5-toe-spread where all of my toes spread out like fingers. Speaking of things The Cabana Boy just can't get enough of. *snort*

Tagging people -- hmmmmm...if your name starts with the letters A-Z, you are reading this blog and need something to blog about...I tag YOU! You're it!

The Cabana Boy Said WHAT?! And A Recipe...

Just a few random tidbits here and there, and the chicken enchilada casserole recipe at the end...

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Last night at dinner -- I made Chicken Parmesan (yum!)with a new marinara sauce recipe --

Me: I am not a fan of this sauce.
The Hubster: I don't like it at all.
Me: *blink*blink* Oh.

That is the first time in our almost 6 years of marriage he's ever said anything like that. I actually just laughed and didn't get my feelings hurt -- after all, I didn't like it either. To be fair, he can't stand tomatoes and that's all that was in the sauce...so there ya go.

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About 10 minutes later, laughing about how bad the sauce was...

Me: So, did you just take your vitamins with Budweiser?
The Hubster: Yep, sure did. Blog that!

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I don't recommend not being able to find the word you are thinking of when you are a speech therapist. You don't get cut much slack. Especially when the word is "fast"...

The Hubster: What's up with that cop?
Me: I'm not sure, but he's not going very hurry for having his lights on.
The Hubster: Going very hurry?
Me: Going very hurriedly.
The Hubster: Hurriedly?
Me: He's going pretty slow, huh?
The Hubster: Stay in the shallow end, honey.

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White Sauce Chicken Enchilada Casserole
(so NOT a Martha Stewart recipe, by the way, Beth Anne!)

This makes either one 9x13 pan or two 8x8 pans.

4 medium or 3 large chicken breasts (boneless,skinless)
3-4 large or 5-6 small flour tortillas
2 cups shredded cheese (I used 2% monterey jack/colby)

Sauce:
5 oz evaporated milk (fat free)
1 can cream chicken soup (healthy request)
1 small can diced green chiles
1 small (8 oz) tub light sour cream
Any seasoning you want -- I used some garlic powder, salt and pepper.

Preheat oven to 350. Boil chicken breasts until cooked through. As the chicken is cooking, stir together the sauce ingredients in a large bowl. Tear the tortillas into 1-2 inch pieces.

When the chicken is done, shred it and stir it into the sauce until well combined. Spray the bottom of the pan with cooking spray and line with a layer of tortilla pieces. Layer half of the sauce onto the tortillas. Spread half of the cheese over the sauce. Repeat the layers. (I had enough for two layers.)

Bake uncovered for 45 minutes or until cheese is melted and everything is hot and bubbly. Enjoy!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Happy Thanksgiving to all of my bloggy friends. May we all be reminded of the tremendous blessings that surround each of us, even on the worst of days. I've enjoyed adding to my thankful list every day - so much so that I have decided to have a Thankful December as well. I hope that everyone enjoys a wonderful Thanksgiving holiday -- enjoy celebrating with your friends and family and don't forget to make some time to truly count your blessings.

With a thankful heart,

Thoughts galore...

This will be a totally random post, so if you are expecting a logically sequenced stream of thoughts, you might wanna keep on shopping around.

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I am having a very productive day -- and it feels so good! I had our dinner made and in the fridge by 8 am, if that tells you anything! Today was my day to take dinner to a woman from my table at MOPS as she's recovering from surgery, so I made a pan for her and a pan for us. It makes a 9x13 casserole, so I just made two 8x8 dishes instead. (Here's where there would be a lot of clicks on the remote if I were a tv show, huh?) I know she got a meal last night and will get one tomorrow, so I figured on Thanksgiving week, leftovers probably wasn't a big deal -- besides, the only disposable pan I had was 8x8. (That way she doesn't have to wash or return the dish.) I felt even better about my choice when I got there and her hubby had me leave the food on the table because he needed to make room in the fridge for it. Plus, now we have dinner ready to heat and serve, too! Score! Oh, and in case you're wondering - I made White Sauce Chicken Enchiladas. We're also having refried beans/cheese, brown rice and fresh green beans. (They got the same, except for I gave them one of the steamer broccoli bags instead.)
Yummy!!

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So, I just got off of the phone with my husband a few minutes ago and our conversation prompted him to say the following:

Hubby: You need to add that one to the list.
Me: What list?
Hubby: The list of random things about you.
Me: You mean the one that quickly grew into a list of crap that bugs my husband?
Hubby: Yeah, that one.

What was he talking about, you ask? My need to clean by hand our self-cleaning oven. Apparently, his label for this sort of issue is (and this is a direct quote) "There's clean, and then there's 'Tara' clean."

Ummmm, yeah. I have a few issues. But, to be fair -- the man was cleaning his bathroom with dish soap until I came into the picture, so ladies -- let's consider the source, shall we?

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I so totally did NOT want to work out today. (Like, totally dudes. Gag me.) However, I managed to scrape up just enough motivation and did a quick 30 min dvd during nap time. I feel good about that one!

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Did I mention that my oven is clean? And I love it that way?

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Yesterday at the pediatrician's office, we graced a P.A. that we'd yet to meet with our family goo. Both kids have snotty noses and coughs -- and for the past 4 years, that has meant a good possibility of an ear infection, so I took them both in. Mitchell had just started to fall asleep in the car on the way there, and I'm sure I don't have to explain the resulting demeanor to those of you moms with preschoolers who don't nap anymore. When they do fall asleep, and it's only for a few minutes -- whoo---eee, look out now. Or is that just him? Not sure.

Anyway -- so we're in there tearing up magazines and other fun stuff (uhhh, yeah - good times) and in walks Mark, the P.A. that we've never met. Georgia immediately shows off by blowing a snot bubble out of her nose and Mitchell literally crawls under the table.

Me: Hi! Welcome to our little world of fun.
Mark: *blinking like a deer in headlights* Hi, guys!

No, really - he was super nice and quite the trooper. In my defense, it was 2:45 and we'd been waiting for a while. Mitchell quit the shy act after about 2 minutes and Georgia did her normal charming act and all was well.

I think the highlight for me was when Mark used his little plastic hook tool to get a chunk of wax deep out of Mitchell's ear so that he could see the eardrum. He cleaned the tip of the tool off with a tissue and set it down to pick his otoscope (the little ear looker thing) back up. Mitchell saw the tissue sitting there and blew his nose with it.

Mark looked totally grossed out.
I just laughed and said "Well, at least it's his, right?"

I'm pretty sure we made an impression. Oh, and by the way - Mitchell does have an ear infection, and Georgia's was pretty close. (Even with tubes.) *sigh*

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I'm making out my Christmas list (of things to buy, not receive) and can I just tell you right now how LOVELY the whole "scaling back" effort feels right about now?? Not just the money we won't be spending, but the stress of shopping, wrapping, etc. for stuff that I am not so sure people will really use or love. I *know* that each and every thing on my list will be appreciated and I think it just might mean more, not getting lost among a pile of other "things." I feel so good about it -- and the shopping I'm really looking forward to is with the kids and Chris for our soldiers at war that we sponsor, and for the angel tree families we will sponsor this year as well. I can't wait!!!

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Alrighty then, I'm off to make sugar cookie dough. We're making football and turkey cookies for Thursday. In my very clean oven. Did I mention how clean it is?

Walking...

My sweet, sweet hubby has been so wonderful to make sure that I get some time to myself on the weekends -- and I usually go for a walk. It's nice not to have to push the stroller, stop to dish out snacks, put jackets on, take them off, pick up sippy cups that have rolled under the stroller, etc. I also don't have to stop at the park for a wiggle break. I can just strap on my iPod and start walking. I get to keep walking until I want to stop.

I'm always surprised by the flood of thoughts and ideas that I experience -- they don't seem to make their way out of their little brain jail until I'm alone and just walking. Maybe it's because I'm always too preoccupied, or too focused on other things and other people in every other situation. Maybe it's because I don't take the time to just breathe. To just focus on me and the things that have been building up -- thoughts, emotions and ideas come in a steady stream as I walk.

Stress.
Anxiety.
Praise.
Joy.
Worry.
Fear.

It all seems to come out when I'm walking by myself. I was thinking about this yesterday as I was trucking along -- and it's like my walks become one big prayer. Sometimes I pray out loud, sometimes I pray silently, and sometimes I let the music I'm listening to guide my prayers. I pray for myself, I pray for my family, and I pray for countless others that are on my heart and in my mind.

I always thought that I liked to walk by myself because I didn't have to deal with the exercise-hindering issues that come with kids and strollers, but yesterday I realized that I like to walk by myself because it's such a huge release. You'd think it would have been more obvious, but for some reason it wasn't. Yesterday as I left, both of my (sick) kiddos were pretty much melting down at the fact that Mommy was walking without them. They were both throwing pretty sizeable tantrums, which of course, made me feel guilty for leaving my husband alone to deal with it. Instead of being annoyed, he said "Honey, GO. I got it. We'll be fine -- just go do your thing."

So, with a big sigh and a somewhat reluctant stride, I made my way down the sidewalk and away from the house. As I got about a block away, I called home and asked him if he was sure he wanted me to go. He just laughed (above the screaming in the background) and said that it was fine and the only thing that would make him upset is if I came home. With that reassurance, I set out on my way.

Obviously, my thoughts and prayers started there, at home, and as I prayed, I was aware of the fact that I was physically walking away from the stress and into my own little world. I wasn't going to work, not to the grocery store, not running errands, not volunteering at school -- I was going to be alone with myself, my thoughts, and my desire to improve my life.

What a gift.

Mini-Me Friday #9 - and a Me-Me

This is gonna be a quickie while I'm waiting for my hubby to get home. If I end abruptly, now you know why! I choose him. Yay!

So, I lost one pound this week. I can't remember who asked, but someone asked how much I've lost. I've lost 9.5 lbs so far, which makes it 10.5 lbs away from my first goal of 20 -- and I have 5 weeks to get there. (That's the end of my first session with First Place.)

I feel good about things and know that I can do better. I *will* do better. I think this week was about more than weight loss for me, and the fog has lifted. I feel more energized, more joyful, and more confident in myself -- I finally feel like things have clicked in on this journey and I'm doing it the way that I need to. I'm more about the whole package than the scale, and it's been a LONG time since I could say that.

So, there ya go. The long and short of it.

Bethanne basically dared anyone who reads her blog to do a Me-Me, and because we were united in our tween angst of being Annie-haired-freaks, I will go ahead and oblige her. I'm tagging anyone who needs something to blog about and has seven wacky facts to share. (Basically, that's about 75% of my audience, I'm guessing.)

Okay -- here ya go. 7 (probably lame) things you might not know about me:

1. When I was growing up, I *hated* playing Barbies. This got me into many little squabbles with friends who were Barbie-a-holics. I wanted to play house. Or store. Or teacher. Or some sort of role-play game. (Yes, I was a five year old control freak -- started early, girls. What can I say?)

2. I am PHOBIC of lightning. I'm not talking "I don't like it" or "It scares me" stuff. I'm talking I go into almost hyperventilating, shaking mode when it gets bad. I will NOT go outside if I see it anywhere REMOTELY close. (This is where my definition of "remotely close" usually drastically differs than 99.9% of the population.) This whole lightning "issue" drives my husband nuts.

3. I had stick straight hair before I had kids. I know some women's hair falls out. Mine all stayed in, but it got curvy. Yes, curvy. Not wavy, not curly -- curvy. The first time I got my hair cut after I had Mitchell, my hair stylist accused me of cheating on her -- she thought I went and got a bad perm. Not so much. She right then and there appointed me the posterchild for what hormones can do to someone's hair. Oh -- and it gets worse -- it's only on like the bottom half of my hair -- not bottom half as in one piece of hair -- but as in thickness. So the top to middle of my hair is sort of straight and it gets crazier as ya go deeper. Not pretty. Not. Pretty.

4. I don't wash my face at night. I know, I know. I'm an alien. With a bad skin care regimen.

5. I do this thing that Chris has nicknamed "The Tara Shuffle" and it is off-the-charts in the nerdy department. Basically, my arms are stretched out straight in front of me and my legs are stretched out straight behind me and I run in place that way. Yes, it's quite a sight.

6. When I sit and watch TV, I don't realize I'm doing it, but basically I rest my hand (in sort of a loose fist) against my chin and my pinky goes against my upper lip. Chalk up another "drives the hubby nuts" thing.

7. Every hanger in the closet has to face the same direction. HAS. TO. As in NOT up for discussion. (By the way, the hubster just got home and helped me with these last two and suggested a &, *, !!! for this one. I'm a bit freaky about it.)

Okay -- done. There ya go. Happy weekend!!

Do you really want to hear?

That was one of the "themes" of this week's sermon at my church. He was talking about hearing God's voice in your life and using it to direct your path.

One thing that he said really, really resonated with me and I've been thinking about it a lot this week. He said that if you are TRULY interested in hearing His voice, you need to be prepared and willing to hear him say NO. That's a good thing for me to hear because I can definitely get into periods where I perceive a non-response, when really it's just a NO. I am completely capable of being pretty self-absorbed and just waiting on the big YES that I know is surely coming my way. Really, I'm pretty dorky in that way.

Anyway...back to the thing I really wanted to share. He said that many times, God's responses to our prayers fall into four categories:

*No, I love you too much.

*No, not yet.

*Yes, I'm so glad you asked.

*Yes, and here's more.

In looking at my own life, I couldn't agree more with this. I really can plug into one of those for each and every prayer I've ever laid before His feet. I find, too, that lots of times -- the "Yes" answers start with the "No, not yet" reply.

Okay -- this is a much quicker post than I would like but I have to go sort $5,000 worth of cookie dough at M's preschool this morning. Don't ask.

Maybe I'll come back for Part 2 later.

Spiritual Gifts...

I am on the steering team for my MOPS group this year and am really enjoying the Bible study that we are doing on servant leadership. Last week, in preparation for our discussion, we took an online survey to determine what our spiritual gifts are.

Here's the survey.

It was so interesting for me to do, as I haven't done anything like that before. Truthfully, I wasn't really all that surprised by my results -- they were kind of what I thought they would be. (I do have to add that #3 on my list was writing, so obviously this blog lets me get a lot of what I have inside out in a productive way!) Since you asked...
Tied for 1st: Hospitality/Encouragement
Tied for 2nd: Faith/Writing

One thing that did surprise me as I took the test were the occasional pangs of guilt about not saying "yes" to some of the questions. I wanted for it to be true about myself, but I also know that I could in no way represent that it was. It just wasn't me even if I wanted it to be. The other thing that I took note of as I went through the questions was that different people popped into my head -- I could tell "Yep, that's a spiritual gift for So-And-So" or "Oh, that's totally So-And-So."

As we were talking about our results during Bible study, the funny part was that most of us had trouble believing that our top gifts were truly spiritual gifts. There were lots of comments about how it just seemed like that's the way you do stuff...that's the way you go about things...that's just the way it is.

I came to the conclusion as I listened to everyone share that having that feeling is actually confirmation that they are INDEED spiritual gifts. Each person is blessed with the innate skills and talents to have those things be second nature, to be a part of that person's core. The fact that it is "just how you do things" says to me that God made it that way for you because he definitely didn't make it that way for everyone. Others that didn't have those spiritual gifts also chimed in, indicating that they wished they were blessed with such things.

I just thought I'd share this with you all since I enjoyed taking a closer look at myself in such a cool way. Try taking the survey with some friends, your spouse, and/or a Bible study group. The discussion is the best part! I'm guessing that whatever you are surprised with will be obvious to those that know and love you.

Funnies From The Bugs...

I've been so caught up in my "ME" journey that I haven't taken the time to really have some good bloggy Doodlebug and Lovebug moments. I am going to remedy that one right now!!

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Chris: I can't remember what it was that he said, but it was something really dorky

Me: You are such a ding dong.

Mitchell: Mommy, don't call Daddy a ding dong. He's not a doorbell!

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Last night I picked Georgia up from the nursery at church and asked how she did. (She had on her Sesame Street jean jacket.) They said she did great and that they enjoyed having her. One lady said "She is so funny! I told her that I liked Zoe and Elmo on her coat and she looked at me and said 'My JACKET.' I mean she flat TOLD me, it's a jacket. Can you believe it?"

Me: Oh, yeah. I believe it.

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The other day Chris had just gotten out of the shower and was getting ready for work. Mitchell had just come in our room and I could hear Georgia in there making all kinds of noise in her crib. (Her room is attached to our room by french doors that we leave cracked open.) I went in to get her up and found that she had taken her fleece, footie pajamas off and was sitting in just her diaper. She got all happy when she saw me and said this while she rubbed her naked baby belly:

"Hi. Joja shower Daddy."

Yep, that's right. She was all ready for the shower, just like Daddy.

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Mitchell made a book the other day at school. Mrs. G. had written words for him (dictated, I believe) on the inside two pages, but not on the cover. I wanted to know what the picture of the cover was so I asked him to tell me. I got out the sharpie and wrote it on there. How could I not? I mean, it's not every day that Jesus drives to the park.


I should add that some of the drawing is hills. Some of it is Jesus. Some of it is children. And some of it (when he showed me) is actually Jesus' driving route.
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I think that my favorite thing about those two at the moment is that they really, truly love and I mean L-O-V-E each other. It's so fun to pick Mitchell up from school. Georgia usually doesn't even wait for me to finish signing him out in the attendance book before she's running in to find him. I have yet to see one single day where they didn't do a big, running, "The hills are alive" run toward each other with outstretched arms. Then they do this big, huge hug and giggle at each other. You would think by now, after about 3 months of this, that I'd be over it by now. But I'm not. I look forward to it every time. So do the teachers -- one of them was in the bathroom the other day when we came and she actually said "Oh, darn! I missed the big reunion moment!"

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So, there ya go. Life with The Doodlebug and The Lovebug. I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world.

Mini-Me Friday - Check In #8...ANNND...A recipe!!

First things first -- thank you for all of the kind words, support and encouragement. I think that the scale just sort of was the tip of the iceberg for my bluesy attitude the past few weeks. I'm happy to report that I'm not feeling so "funky" anymore -- and that was even before the good news I got at my weigh in last night.

Yes, I said good news. I lost 1.5 pounds this week...so basically, I undid the last three weeks and am now back and ready to keep on truckin'.

I feel good about my efforts in all of my 1st Place commitments and know that I did the best I could this week. The funny thing is, last night after my meeting, I came home and had that "bottomless pit" feeling. I just wanted to eat. And eat. And eat.

And eat.

So, I sort of did...but not on anything that I felt horrible about and nothing that put me over on my daily exchanges, so I don't feel guilty. (And let me tell you what a great feeling THAT is to not lug around today!)

I also finally busted open the motivational cd's that came with my starter package and have listened to them the past few days. There really was some good stuff on there, and I've had lots to think about.

Okay -- I have to go clean up the house from today now that the kids are both snoozing away. I'll leave you with the recipe for my dinner. Jennifer's Veggie Stew (which, by the way, made me giggle because it has a roast in it! How awesome is that??) inspired me to make some vegetable soup, so this was my quickie, off the top of my head version. I'll put the "recipe" (ha!) below. Enjoy -- and Happy Friday, friends.



Quick And Yummy Veggie Soup
1 cup whole grain pasta (I used mini penne)
1 can diced tomatoes
1 yellow squash, chunked
1 zucchini, chunked
1/2 red pepper, chunked
1 tbsp extra virgin olive oil
2 cloves garlic, minced
Whatever seasonings you choose, I used about 1 1/2 tbsp of this salsa seasoning mix
2 cups vegetable broth (1 can) - I only used half a can because that's what I had, but it didn't make a whole bunch of broth.


Cook pasta according to package directions. Meanwhile, heat olive oil in a large skillet. Add garlic, squash and zucchini and sautee for 3-5 minutes. Add red pepper and tomatoes, and seasoning. Sautee 5 minutes longer. Add vegetable broth and cooked pasta. Bring to a boil, then reduce heat and simmer 5- 10 minutes. (This is also the part where if I would have had it, I would have added some fresh basil.)

Enjoy!!

Still grateful over here...

This song seriously hits home with me right now and reminds me about the joy and attitude I want to meet each new day with. Enjoy and be blessed.

"How You Live" by Point of Grace.

A Month of Gratitude...

Don't you just love it when someone else's ideas give you a little way out of a funk? I do!

Alana (who, by the way, is awesome!) did a "thankful month" post and I absolutely think it's just what I need, so I'm following her lead.

Each day this month, I will add to the "Things I'm Thankful For This November" list in my sidebar.

Blessings. I don't count them often enough.

Do you?

The blahs...and Mini-Me #7

I got 'em. And I mean I have GOT 'em. I haven't been in a very bloggy mood lately -- I think it's because every time I think about writing something down, I get all blah-ish again. I'm blue. Funky blue.

So, the Mini-Me part of things -- not so mini. Up another half of a pound. This time, I seriously (and I mean SERIOUSLY) had to talk myself out of bawling my eyes out in front of everyone. I stepped right off of the scale and had to go to the restroom and compose myself. My leader that did the weigh in was very sweet (sigh -- AGAIN) and understanding, but I'm pretty sure that she might think I'm a bit nuts at this point.

I didn't say a single word during the Bible study. Not one word. And that's just not me. Well, it is, actually -- when I get upset, discouraged, frustrated, etc. -- I clam up. So, there is your explanation for my MIA bloggy status. I just don't have words.

The thing is, I know that I'm doing the right things. I can honestly say that I have nothing to be ashamed of this week. I fulfilled all of my commitments. I was accountable to myself and to others. I not only did my Bible studies, scripture readings and memorizations - I did them joyfully.

Which is why it really stinks that I let myself get down and not participate in the Bible study when I had the chance. I let "him" win again. I was right where he wanted me, even though I was *really* right where the Lord wanted me to be. I missed it because I got distracted by thoughts and feelings that I know in my heart are nowhere near what I was meant to be feeling. The upside to being quiet is that I heard some pretty great discussion from my fellow group members and even though I was a complete non-participant, I left feeling blessed anyway.

I think that's the thing. I need to stop looking at this through my own eyes -- that leads to seeing what the world sees, what the enemy wants me to see. My own eyes don't show me what I need to see. I need to start looking at this through His eyes.

Okay -- really. I'm such an idiot. Guess what I just thought of? My memory verse for this past week...want to know what it was???

I Samuel 6:13 "The Lord does not look at the things that man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance but the Lord looks at the heart."

Ummmm, yeah. I get it. I. GET. It!!! Can you say slow learner??

As my thoughts turn to THIS week's verse...

James 4:7 "Submit yourselves then, to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you."

Okay. Guess I have my game plan then. I have a devil to resist, friends. Oh, and there's more. I read these two thoughts while doing my Bible study tonight. It hit home in a major, MAJOR way for me, particularly given the verse that I put on my fridge last week.

"The devil enjoys placing before your eyes the things that are your greatest temptations. Images of food appear when you are hungry, images of bed and/or rest appear when you feel too tired to exercise, images of all you have to do appear when you are pressed for time and you haven't done your Bible study. All these images lead you away from God and what He wants for you."

"Satan is working overtime to make sure temptation is everywhere."

So, there ya go. That's where I am. That's where I've been. That's where I'll be.

I promise, I'll be back. I just need to go inward for a bit. Do some thinking. Let these thoughts rattle around a little longer. Love to all of you, my bloggy friends.

Happy Friday.





p.s. Earen and Renee, thank you for your check-ins and encouragement...they are like big, warm hugs and I can't thank you enough. I thank the Lord for both of you and the priceless gift of your friendship.