Overwhelmed...

So I have had a SERIOUS motivational lack this week. For what? Anything, really.

Laundry. Returning phone calls. Cleaning. Taking a shower, some days.

Am I depressed? No. I think I'm just tired. And tired of being tired. And I wanted to rest.

The only problem is that I am now motivated but overwhelmed.

Like 8 (literally) loads of laundry. All 3 bathrooms dirty. A PILE of junk mail on the kitchen table. The floors need mopping. The carpet (whole house) needs to be vacuumed. I need to make some stuff food-wise.

Ugh. Oh well, just took a break to say that this sucks and I *REALLY* want a cleaning lady. I might even give up Starbucks for that.

SUB!!!!! I need a sub!!!!

I wanna talk about me...

Sorry -- totally nerdy Toby Keith reference there. I am feeling less than creative today and decided to follow my friend, Kim's lead on this one.

A) Four jobs I have had in my life:
1. Hostess at Black-Eyed-Pea
2. Waitress at Applebee's (woot, woot -- Renwoit - hee hee)
3. Receptionist/physical therapy assistant/word processing for the Rehab Dept at a hospital
4. Dry cleaning counter person

B) Four movies I would watch over and over: (only 4?!?!)
1. Pretty Woman
2. Urban Cowboy (Dang, Gina -- the first scene after he shaved? HOT!!!!)
3. Baby Boom (yes, nerd alert)
4. When Harry Met Sally

C) Four places I have lived: (I'm positively WILD, I tell ya. WILD.)
1. Englewood, CO
2. Greeley, CO
3. Aurora, CO
4. Denver, CO

D) Four TV shows I love to watch
1. Grey's Anatomy
2. Desperate Housewives
3. Sex and The City Reruns
4. America's Funniest Videos (am I not THE coolest person you know yet???)

E)Four places I have been on vacation:
1. San Francisco, CA
2. Seattle, WA
3. Victoria, BC
4. Las Vegas, NV

F) Four Web sites visited daily (weekly):
1. Pregnancy.org
2. ebay.com
3. bestsimplerecipes.com
4. target.com

G) Four of my favorite foods:
1. Lasagna
2. Ice cream
3. Anything mexican (but mostly chile rellenos and guacamole tostadas)
4. Cheese

H) Four places I would rather be right now:
1. Girls Night Out
2. The scrapbooking store
3. Disneyland with my family
4. On a hawaiian beach with a margarita and my cabana boy, errrr -- husband

So go ahead. If you have a blog, blog it. If you have a board, post it. If you have neither, just write it down and think about it.

You HAVE to go!!

Okay, if you have a list of things to do or places to visit, I have one for you to add.

You have GOT to see a concert at Red Rocks! If you've ever seen the U2 video from "Sunday, Bloody Sunday" then you know what I'm talking about.

My husband and I went last night and it was just amazing. Both of us are from Colorado, so we've both been to lots of concerts there, but it never gets old. Ever. PLUS -- they've done some really nice additions and remodeling to the bathrooms, added a restaurant, all kinds of stuff.

Actually, I'm kicking myself because I know they did some movies there this summer at night and now I'm wishing we'd looked into it. It's a hike from our house, but so very worth it. We're definitely taking the kids there next summer.

The energy there during the show is crazy -- concerts are always power houses of energy, but here, it's just nuts. I seriously think it's the best place EVER to see a show. Maybe this year we'll go to the sunrise Easter service -- I've always wanted to.

Okay -- there's my PSA for the day. Go to Red Rocks and thank me later.

A dream come true...

Saturday night, one of my husband's life-long dreams became reality.

He took his son to a major league baseball game.

To some people, this might be a small event. To my husband, it was a MAJOR milestone in his life, not just Mitchell's. I know, without a doubt, that he will remember and savor each and every moment from last night forever and it was a magical night for me to watch it through both of their eyes.

It was really chilly and the day before was pretty miserable -- cold, windy, rainy and I was dreading the game the next day. Friday night I started the whole "I don't want him to get sick again" talk and started throwing out the possibility of not going. Hubby was so excited that he'd already bought the tickets, so we were sort of locked in at that point.

Well, Saturday came and though it was cold, it wasn't too windy and wasn't rainy at all. We dropped Miss G off at my in-laws house and headed on downtown. I don't know who was more excited, Chris or Mitchell. They were both looking forward to it, and I'm not sure either of them knew what to expect. We got there and Mitchell spent the whole walk from the car to the stadium in a slow jog because he just couldn't wait. We finally got there and the lights on the side of the building showing the baseball guy (yes--very technical term) sliding into base just fascinated him. He couldn't understand why we had to wait in line so long (security) and just wanted to show the guy his ticket.

We finally got through the gates and that "feeling" set in -- you know the one. The energy from the crowd, the smell of the yummy junk food, the buzz of everyone chatting as they walked and talked and ate. I don't think he walked the rest of the night -- he floated. Chris was also just so excited and couldn't wait to get to our seats.

The first time Mitchell saw the field a big "whoooaaaaa" came out of his mouth and another baseball fan was born. To watch my boys walking hand in hand in the same wondrous daze was so much fun. Mitchell climbed onto Chris' lap and listened as he described the important landmarks on and off the field. Mitchell's eyes were big as saucers and Chris' eyes danced with joy.

The game was chilly but we kept warm by snuggling together under a blanket eating pa-corn, hot chocolate milk, and chips. (That would be popcorn, hot cocoa and nachos.) The boys sang "Take me out to the ballgame" together and I took a video of it.

Chris made comments throughout the game like "Well, that will be a trivia question someday -- who hit the first homerun at M's first baseball game". Mitchell kept asking "Daddy what is" and "Daddy why" and "Daddy who" questions the whole night, bless his heart -- exactly what he was supposed to do.

It was a chilly, wonderful night of magic for two boys -- one big and one little. And for one dreamy-eyed mommy who felt lucky just to be there to take it all in.

I'm freakin' HOT when I don't shower -- as in SEXY-REXY

Yes, that's right -- you heard it here first. *I* am QUITE the hot little potato when I'm lacking in the personal hygeine arena.

What? You need an explanation? You don't believe this? You think that this is odd blogging?

Blame my husband.

See -- yesterday the kids and I had one of our very rare never leave the house except to check the mail days. (Truth be told -- the ONLY reason we got out of our pajamas was to check the mail and I came *this* close to saying skip it -- but I was waiting for some ebay stuff to come, so my curiosity got the better of me.) Actually, poor Georgia never did make it out of her jam-jams.

Anyway -- here's me -- quite a vision:
*Leftover smudgey eye makeup from the day before
*Hair in a bun with a red visor
*One of Chris' really old and huge Structure sweatshirts
*Big (as in I lost weight - yay - so they don't fit too well anymore) red track pants
*My big, pink, fuzzy slippers

The kids were in bed, and I was in the kitchen washing dishes (for like the 3rd time that day -- I baked brownies, made baby food and made homemade chicken noodle soup so there were LOTS of them) when Chris got home from work. So, we're playing catch-up on each other's days and he's giving me "that" look while I'm telling him a story.

You know when you can tell someone's listening but they're not really *engaged* in what you're saying and they are dying to make a sexually-oriented comment as soon as you stop talking? *THAT* was the look I'm meaning.

So I'm getting "that" look and when I finish my sentence, sure enough he says "Can I just tell you how SEXY you look right now? Seriously. You look hot."

Excuse me while I pee my pants laughing.

Wait. Wait just a second. What the heck?!?

Why is it that EVERY time I skip the shower, skip the makeup, skip doing my hair, THAT'S when I get "that" look and "those" comments? Why bother? So, I decide to ask.

I say "Do you realize that every time I don't shower, *that's* when you think I'm hot?"

At this point -- Chris decides that this is probably blog-worthy discussion and asks if he'll be reading about it soon. Is that too funny? I said "Sure, I'll blog on it." He tells me (while he tries to pull some mack-daddy neck kissing at the sink) that he just thinks I look so cute and he can't help it.

So, in thinking more about it today, I have sort of figured out what the deal is. Here's my best thinking on the subject...

He loves it (and I mean LOVES it) when I get all dressed up, pantyhose, heels (no accident that I first typed "hells" for those, by the way) and the whole 9 yards. I think that's a given. When I do my hair, put on makeup, go all out with the clothes, he definitely notices and compliments me.

He thinks I'm cute in my "school marm" (his term) outfits. Cute, charming and very snuggly are words I'm guessing he'd use. That's when I usually get the "I just want to tackle you" for bear hugs comments.

I think instances like last night turn my hubby on because he has a MAJOR thing for the girl next door look. He thinks the mom (Jill) on Home Improvement is about as sexy as they come, for instance. I'm that girl. The visor was from Daytona (instant "schwing" potential), I was "fresh faced" to him -- icky faced to me, but this isn't about me. I think when he sees me in my sweats, it honestly reminds him of the "girly" part of me -- the cute little teeny-bopper he first fell in love with (before he admitted to himself and the world that he did) so many years ago. I think that for my husband, just being me, just being a carefree, comfortable woman is what *really* turns him on. Cute = sexy in this house. Actually, that's how Georgia got to be here, a simple haircut and the rest is history in that department.

Here's the thing -- I'm COMPLETELY the opposite, and am borderline mean about it sometimes. If he's been working in the yard or has had a long day and wants big ol' snuggles and kisses, I'll hug but like the stiff Aunt Martha who you REALLY don't want to be hugging you hugs. And he knows it. And I'll *tell* him..."Ugh, you need to SHOWER!"

Aren't I so rude?

You know there were a few times when we were dating that I seriously made him take a shower before coming to bed because he'd been around smoke and stuff. If I could smell it, I'd throw a huge fit until he showered.

And then there's him. In the grateful, appreciative, complimentary, lovey-dovey category, no contest. He kicks my butt - no question. Now don't get me wrong, he hears a lot about how cute he is, how I think he's hot, and there are NO lingering questions in his mind about how I feel about his butt. (Love it!!) But he is WAY sweeter than I am.

Guess I should count my blessings that showers are optional, huh? Too bad the rest of the world doesn't view me in the same light. I'd be the hottest stinky woman this side of the Mississippi!

Thanks for loving me for me, honey!!

Grateful...

Okay, I've moved on from blue to grateful. As much as it SUCKS that all this business is going on around me, I've just decided that I've expended enough negative energy for now.

I'm doing what I can for those people that I love who are not in a good way or in the middle of drama. Beyond that, I've decided that all I can do is be grateful for all of the things in my life that are not spinning out of control, causing me hurt, my health, and that of my family. Above all, I know that I'm loved as deeply as I love my own family, and really -- what more does a girl need?

I'm still sad and upset about all of it, but letting it be all-consuming just wasn't working.

Routines...

Those are pretty important to me. I'm a person that craves structure. I think that my little people do, too.

We have a morning routine and today -- we are not in it. Usually, after M wakes up, he comes downstairs and can watch some cartoons and chill out while I put away dishes from the dishwasher, clean the kitchen, and check my email. Well, as a result of a MAJOR tantrum last night going to bed, there is no tv today. No computer today. Period. End of sentence.

You'd think that we moved and I am speaking a foreign language or something. He remembered no tv and it was like "But what do I do?" Now -- before you think I have a total tv head who just vegetates in front of it all day long, that's not the case. He gets to watch it first thing in the morning and while I make dinner. The rest of the day it's music only. I thought he'd have a complete fit about it, but it's just that tv is part of his morning routine and now I've changed it. (Sort of like no cup of coffee first thing -- feels different.) I think that for him -- it took a minute to realize that he could do what he does the rest of the day -- play with the gazillion and two toys he has around here, playdough, color, read, whatever. Currently, he's happy as a clam looking at the Cars cards I cut off of the cereal box for him and eating his cheerios and blueberries.

I just thought that was interesting. He wasn't upset about the no tv thing, he was more confused about "What now?" since I took him out of his routine. I thought how easy it is to view kids as just CHILDREN and forget about the actual PERSON part of their makeup. He really craves structure and routine as much as I do -- I like to fly by the seat of my pants now and then -- I can be flexible and spontaneous, but for the most part, I'd like to have some predictability.

Looks like I'm not alone.

Blue on behalf of loved ones...

Today's not the best day I can remember. You ever talk to people you really, really care about and love and just ACHE because of the struggles they are going through?

Today -- I have lots of them.

I don't want to go into detail -- for one thing, I would be here until midnight, but lots of it is stuff that I need to keep in the vault. It's just HARD. Life -- it's hard. And it's not fair. And it sucks sometimes. And it rips people's hearts open and stomps on them.

And we're all expected to keep going. And believe that not only *can* it get better, but that it *will*. And every day is supposed to be better than the last. And time heals all wounds. And one foot in front of the other. And everything happens for a reason.

And I DON'T LIKE IT.

I don't like hearing other people tear other people down. I don't like watching self-destructive behaviors unfold time and again. I don't like watching families implode. I don't like watching people try to hide themselves and their pain from everyone else because they feel some sort of shame. I don't like watching people suffer at the hands of selfish others who can't see past the tip of their own noses. I don't like watching people grieve because there's nothing left to do. I don't like watching other people's dreams get shattered by things that are completely out of their control. I detest hearing people I love demean other people that I love.

This too shall pass...it all will. I'm aware of that. The grass is always greener, someone's always worse off than you are. Blah, blah, blah. Right now, though -- it sucks, and for quite a few people that I love dearly.

This isn't a pity party -- there's nothing anyone can do, because believe me, I'd be doing it. It's a vent -- there are a lot of people I'd love to have some words with, but I can't for a variety of reasons. I have a lot locked up right now and I just needed an outlet to get some of the steam out.

Ugh.

I hate having a sick kid. Know what's worse?

Two of them.

This is a new thing for me. They've never been sick at the same time. I'm sure it's a bug that M was kind enough to bring home from school. It's just a cold, but still -- you know how that goes. Poor little Georgia. I fed her at 5:30 and then she slept again until about 8:30. Went in to get her and she had snot ALL OVER her little face. :( I did the whole saline/suction thing and man -- I didn't know she had room for all of that in there!! Poor thing -- even after my extraction session, she still had to take breathers to eat. Sweet girl.

I don't feel all that lovely myself today either, so today should be interesting. I just feel so bad because there's not a TON of stuff you can do for colds. I think we'll do rest, some soup, turn on the humidifier, spray the saline, and veg out.

*cough*sniffle*hack*wheeze*snort*

Anyone wanna come over and play?

Yeah, so???

Why are people so defensive all of the time? I can only speak for myself, so I think I'll do that now. (Shocker!!) I get defensive for a few reasons -- would you like me to list them? Okay.

1. When I *know* I'm right and am being attacked. (Read: know = have factual proof)
2. When I have noted a previously established pattern of being attacked by the same person.
3. When there is a "Yo Momma" involved. (just kidding)
4. When I am tired, annoyed, and otherwise not in the mood to put up with ANYONE'S crap.
5. When I am shallow and self-centered enough to not see another person's point of view.
6. When I feel personally insulted and am unable to see the facts, and instead focus on emotions.
7. When I'm hungry. (Seriously -- if I'm REALLY hungry -- do not approach.)
8. When it is obvious to me that I am being disrespected unnecessarily.
9. When it is obvious to me that my point of view is not being taken into consideration at all.
10. When my feelings are invalidated and left on the side of the road.

Can you tell I was a little snarky at home this week and am trying to process it? A little disclaimer -- my husband is not guilty of all of these things -- not what I'm trying to imply. I'm thinking of family scenarios, other social situations, but yes -- maybe a little tiff here and there with the Cabana Boy.

By the way, if you're reading this, honey...might wanna print this off and go down the list next time I launch into "that girl" mode. Try feeding me, giving me a nap, a *cough* Starbucks, perhaps? Yes -- bribe me, essentially. It's that easy. Backrubs and ice cream -- two sure fire bribes. Diamond earrings -- whoa. I might never fight with you again. Okay - -for at least a week. Maybe two. Hey -- you clean up the next pruney diaper blowout and who knows -- I might actually TOUCH your feet.

Fall...

I love autumn. It's my favorite season, and I'm excited that it's almost here -- well, sort of is here already. That feeling is in the air, and it's awesome. Sweater weather is one the best phrases in our house -- it means bundled up walks, football, hot chocolate, fluffy blankies, and warm pajamas.

I'm really excited to take the kids to a pumpkin patch -- Mitchell had so much fun last year, I bet this year will be even better. I'm excited to carve pumpkins, see what Halloween brings, and drink some yummy apple cider. Mitchell and I just read a few pumpkin themed-books from the library, and I think it will be fun to start seeing the leaves change color soon. We'll definitely have to do a leaf-peeping drive through the mountains this year.

Did I mention that I'm also sick of sweating like a pig and looking forward to wearing warmer clothes again?

Oh -- one thing though -- much as I love me some fall, we have tickets to an outdoor concert the last week in September, so if it could be summery that night, that would be great.

We heard the same thing...

Okay, so a couple of nights ago, Chris and I are laying in bed watching tv before going to sleep. We see a commercial for a tv show or movie (I can't remember). This guy has decided that he's found the girl he wants to marry and he says to a friend "She's the last girl I'll kiss."

I say to hubster "Do you ever think about that?"
"What?"
"That I'm the last girl you'll kiss."
"Oh. No. I try not to."
"Why? Are you disappointed about it?"
"No, I'm glad you are, but why are you asking me this?"
"I just saw that commercial and the guy said that she was the last girl he'll kiss so I wondered if you thought about that at all."
"No, not really. Why? Are you glad about it?"
"Sure. I think it's great. I just didn't know what you thought."
"Well, I don't know why that guy is talking to his friend about something that's going to upset him."

Long, dramatic pause with me just staring at him.

"Actually, when he said it, he didn't sound upset. He was telling his friend that he had just found the woman he wanted to marry - and it was more like he didn't want to kiss anyone except her."
"Oh, really? I thought he sounded sad about it."
"You really thought he was upset about that?"
"Well, yeah."

There it is, folks. That's why there are chick flicks and that's why they drive men nuts.

Little changes...

They add up, ever notice that?

We recently began putting up different blinds and I'm truly amazed at what a difference it makes in the way our home looks. To me, more homey, less housey. (Ask me if I actually CARE that it's not a word.)

Cooking -- one of my passions -- is all about little changes making a big difference. Like last night, I tried a new recipe for homemade macaroni and cheese. (No, no chicken manicotti, Renee -- too lazy.) It was supposed to have ham but all I had was turkey so I did that. My husband, sweet man that he is, indulges me in my little "woulda coulda shoulda" cooking game each time I make something. For example, last night was "I shoulda used a big pre-cooked ham and cubed it up instead of deli ham like they suggested." "I'm glad I put breadcrumbs in here instead of just parmesan because it's a yummy crust now." I'm well aware that I'm a COMPLETE nerd, and I'm just glad that my husband is nice enough to say "mmmmhmmm" with a full mouth and grateful tummy.

Little changes add up to BIG changes when it comes to kids...I just finished cleaning out both of the kids' closets and I'm amazed at the number of clothes that they've both grown out of. It happens so gradually that if you blink you might miss it. We have a growth chart behind Mitchell's door and I try to measure him every month or two and I'm always surprised how quickly he grows. Like where was I when you grew? How did I miss this? It's not until the pants start looking flood-ready that I'm like Hmmmmmm...is he taller? I think it's easier when you don't see them every day.

Okay -- that was all I had for today. Little changes -- bigger than they advertise, usually.

I love getting things done.

It always makes me wonder why I don't just go gung-ho more often with my "to-do" list.

Then I think about all of the "Just a minute..." speeches Mitchell got from both of us this weekend while we were "to-do-ing" and I remember. I think that a lot of the time, it's an either/or situation.

Either you play with your kids...

Or you get stuff done.

The days where it's both are very rare. On Saturday I cleaned out the linen closet while G took her nap in the crib. The linen closet is in the hallway just outside of M's bedroom door and my hubby was in there putting up a new blind. Well, M was quite distraught at the sight of his precious valance and train curtains being taken down and he was throwing quite the fit. He ended up laying down reading books on his bed and fell asleep. Of course, about 10 minutes after he fell asleep, she woke up. The hubster and I then spent the next half an hour taking turns from our work to entertain and resettle Miss G in the bouncy seat, placed halfway between the window and the linen closet.

When she was tiny and slept all of the time, I could get a lot more done around here, but now -- it's getting pretty difficult. Mitchell is pretty good about coming with me from room to room and playing trains, reading books, doing puzzles, etc. while I clean or whatever. Lots of times he likes to "help". If I'm dusting, I'll give him a wet paper towl and let him wipe down whatever he wants to. If I'm doing laundry, I let him shake out some wet clothes for me. Stuff like that.

We got a LOT done around here this weekend and it feels great. I just wish it would happen more often, but you know -- I'll never regret choosing a game of Thomas dominoes or singing silly songs together over mopping the kitchen floors.

Oh, to be 3 again...

Mitchell is behind me at the kitchen table right now playing with an airplane singing his own made up song "My space shuttle is gonna blaaaaasssstttt off. I know how to DOOOOOO it." That doesn't happen in adulthood.

Uh-oh. Guess what he switched to?

"La dee da dee da. La dee da dee da. What's the name of that sonnnnnggggg???"

Well, crap. And today was going so well.

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Here's Mitchell's day yesterday:

Wake up, get some cuddles in bed with mom.
**Come downstairs, eat some Cars cereal (yes -- mom is a sucka) and watch some toons.
**Get dressed, get in the car with whatever toys he chooses and drive to haircut.
**Play with some trains, then have someone entertain him with a silly voice and the video of his choosing, all the while sitting in a play firetruck. Get a sticker, a balloon and a lollipop on the way out.
**Drive to grandma's where lunch is waiting.
**Go with grandpa to see "Cars" (again) at the dollar movies.
**Come home and play with Grandpa. He lets him play on the computer, too.
**Go get some chinese food with Grandpa.
**Eat dinner, play some more.
**Fall asleep on the way home.
**Get a backrub in bed as he nods off for the night.

Come on...is that the life, or WHAT??

************************************************************************************
When is it that we lose our imaginations? Mitchell literally just came up to me with his Blue Angel airplane under a video cover and said "Here, Mommy -- here's a lollipop for you. I made it just for you." When does that stop being a lollipop and start becoming just an airplane and a video cover? When is a fort no longer a fort -- when does it go back to just two chairs and a blanket?

I hope for my kids' sake, it's not for a long, long time...

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When you're three years old, not one person doubts your sincerity when you say "I love you" or you hug someone. Trust me, when you're three -- neither of those things happen unless you WANT them to. How many adults have you gotten the cardboard cutout hug from? Too many.
************************************************************************************
Life is simple when you're three. I think I need to start living life through my child's eyes more often. (Right now he has his hands stuck in both ends of his slinky and apparently he's a robot. He just told me that when I get older he'll teach me how to do it.) Gotta go. I need to play robot.