Sunday, March 04, 2007

What's really important?

It's a question that has come up in my life many, many times in the past few weeks. I know that it comes up daily on a regular basis, but I'm not talking about letting my four year old watch another half hour show.

I mean those times where you have to really stop and pause. Think about what you want to say to someone. Then you have to think about what you probably should say. Then you have to decide what you actually will say.

I am talking about those times where you are trying to sort out the various "problems" or "issues" that life has recently brought to your doorstep.

The past few weeks have been no different than any other chunk of time to the outsider looking inward on my life, but for me, they've been pretty heavy. Lots of deep thinking. Lots of decisions to make that are chain reaction type of in what I decide to do about this very small detail could very well end up in a landslide of spinoff details. The whole anthill type of situation.

One thing I've come to realize these past few weeks is how important perspective is. Someone who is in a relatively calm period of their own life would agree...these are pretty decently important issues. These are legitimate problems I'm trying to sort out. Someone else would laugh in my face and say "You are SUCH an idiot. This crap is not a's an annoyance."

I'm trying hard to give myself permission to address them as issues, but decide if the things that I am currently wrestling with are truly problems for me, or if I'm making a choice to let them be problems. I think I'm starting to see that some things that I'm working through are truly other people's problems and it's like I'm walking through a roll of their saran wrap slathered in super glue. (Okay, I realize that sounds bizarre. But hey, this is my blog, so it's my warped little analogy and it's staying. Deal with it, people.) It's their "thing", but they've held it out in my path so it's sticking to me. I can either do my best to peel it off, give it back and say "Oh, here ya go. I believe this is yours." Or I can start freaking out and yell "Ahhhh -- I've got saran wrap on me and it won't come off!!!" I can hold a grudge toward the saran wrap holders or I can make a choice to own only my role in walking through the saran wrap, realizing that it is in fact theirs and it's the glue -- the link between us -- that has complicated the issue.

The other thing that has jumped out at me recently is the fact that I do a very poor job of truly appreciating the good in my life. The gifts. The successes. The love. The happiness. I realize these things are positive. I realize these people are treasures. I realize that I have so much more than I probably deserve and so much more than many people will ever have. But do I truly, truly appreciate it? No. I think that I stumble through life taking the people, things, feelings, gifts, and my surroundings for granted each and every day.

That's part of what I'm hoping will change. I know it won't happen overnight, but I'm bound and determined that it will happen. I'm trying to look at everything in my day as a choice and trying hard to make better choices, particularly when it comes to my own feelings and what I decide to carry around with me every day.

Wish me luck. It's a pretty daunting task.


noname said...

As I read your blog, I found myself shaking my head in total agreement. You make a LOT of sense. Although I've taken steps to rip the saran wrap off of me, I'm choosing to keep it on for now as I'm afraid if I don't, the world will fall apart for many that I love. Crazy maybe, but I totally feel you.

Jamie said...

My guess is that if you are worried about them, then they are important. Who cares if others would think they are worth worrying about or not? You are a feeler and a thinker and it is in your nature to give a crap.

PS, love the Saran Wrap analogy. It painted a nice picture in my head. Even if you did give it back, pieces would still be stuck. It is best to deal with it IMO.

Laura said...

No matter what you do, you should probably wait till the super glue dries before you try to scratch anything or else your hand might get stuck there. And that would be awkward. Trust me. :)