I'm A Flip Flopper!

Yes, that's right. Right in the middle of campaign season and everything.

You see, my friend Alana hosted a flip flop swap on her blog, and being the flip flop lover that I am, of course I played along. It's been so fun seeing what everyone got - they are all so stinkin' cute!

MINE are no exception! Thanks to Reese for sending these great flip flops to me! There were also some English tea biscuits and some raspberry vanilla tea! Yum! As you can see, the kids were eager to taste-test the cookies for me the minute I unpacked the box. (Oh, and dream on if you think my ever-growing cankles and sausage toes are going on the web. Not so much.)

I wear a LOT of black, so they will get some major mileage. (And I'm thinking that if Alana says giraffe is in, so is zebra print, right?) Thanks, Reese! I love them!!

I do have two sort of sad things to report though:

1. During my first outing in them, I stepped in someone else's gum. It all came off with some ice and scraping, but still. It was quite sad. And yet, so very me.

2. There was also a lovely card that Reese sent along with the shoes and treats, but my little card-stealing-Miss-G decided to play "mail" with it and it ended up getting ripped, bent, and generally over-loved so I decided not to post a picture of the "after" side of the card. Just know it was a very sweet addition that got some extra TLC from some little hands.

Head on over to Alana's blog to check out the rest of the flip flop swap goodies. It's fun to see them all...many of them I'd love to add to my collection! What a fun way to start out the summer!

Mini-Me Friday - Check In #8...ANNND...A recipe!!

First things first -- thank you for all of the kind words, support and encouragement. I think that the scale just sort of was the tip of the iceberg for my bluesy attitude the past few weeks. I'm happy to report that I'm not feeling so "funky" anymore -- and that was even before the good news I got at my weigh in last night.

Yes, I said good news. I lost 1.5 pounds this week...so basically, I undid the last three weeks and am now back and ready to keep on truckin'.

I feel good about my efforts in all of my 1st Place commitments and know that I did the best I could this week. The funny thing is, last night after my meeting, I came home and had that "bottomless pit" feeling. I just wanted to eat. And eat. And eat.

And eat.

So, I sort of did...but not on anything that I felt horrible about and nothing that put me over on my daily exchanges, so I don't feel guilty. (And let me tell you what a great feeling THAT is to not lug around today!)

I also finally busted open the motivational cd's that came with my starter package and have listened to them the past few days. There really was some good stuff on there, and I've had lots to think about.

Okay -- I have to go clean up the house from today now that the kids are both snoozing away. I'll leave you with the recipe for my dinner. Jennifer's Veggie Stew (which, by the way, made me giggle because it has a roast in it! How awesome is that??) inspired me to make some vegetable soup, so this was my quickie, off the top of my head version. I'll put the "recipe" (ha!) below. Enjoy -- and Happy Friday, friends.



Quick And Yummy Veggie Soup
1 cup whole grain pasta (I used mini penne)
1 can diced tomatoes
1 yellow squash, chunked
1 zucchini, chunked
1/2 red pepper, chunked
1 tbsp extra virgin olive oil
2 cloves garlic, minced
Whatever seasonings you choose, I used about 1 1/2 tbsp of this salsa seasoning mix
2 cups vegetable broth (1 can) - I only used half a can because that's what I had, but it didn't make a whole bunch of broth.


Cook pasta according to package directions. Meanwhile, heat olive oil in a large skillet. Add garlic, squash and zucchini and sautee for 3-5 minutes. Add red pepper and tomatoes, and seasoning. Sautee 5 minutes longer. Add vegetable broth and cooked pasta. Bring to a boil, then reduce heat and simmer 5- 10 minutes. (This is also the part where if I would have had it, I would have added some fresh basil.)

Enjoy!!

A Month of Gratitude...

Don't you just love it when someone else's ideas give you a little way out of a funk? I do!

Alana (who, by the way, is awesome!) did a "thankful month" post and I absolutely think it's just what I need, so I'm following her lead.

Each day this month, I will add to the "Things I'm Thankful For This November" list in my sidebar.

Blessings. I don't count them often enough.

Do you?

Thursday Thoughts - and another recipe!

This might become my usual - who knows? But it works again for me today, so here I am Thursday Thinking and dishing out a recipe at the end.

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My friend, Jennifer, is someone that I've recently come to know pretty well through the bloggy world. We've bonded over our Starbucks from a world away, and it all started because I don't like McD's french fries. (Apparently they are quite amazing in Japan!) She is such a sweet woman, and you don't have to guess how she feels about things. I love that about her, and I especially love how her heart for the Lord just shines. I am blessed each and every day that I read her blog. She passed this award onto me, which sort of blew me away, by the way -- and I'm excited to pass it on. (I love little "happies" like this!)

This award was designed to honor people who walk the walk with regards to what they "preach" (though I personally don't like to think that I preach -- just talk, really) in their blogs, and who are trying to start in their own homes with making the changes they'd like to see in the world. (Um, see why I'm surprised I came to mind? LOL)

So, now I am happily passing this along to Earen , Heather and Beth Anne because they all hit home runs in the change starting at home department. Every time I visit their blogs, I'm always blessed and challenged by what I read, and they all have an obvious heart for the Lord. They are just regular moms trying to figure out how to make each day better than the next, and how to grow closer to Him in the process. I think that maybe that's what this little award is all about.

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Moving right along, back to things on the homefront...I really don't like it when my kids are sick. I know that no mom does. It just stinks to have to watch them be all yucky and not be able to to fix it. Thankfully, this go-around they both just have nasty colds -- actually I think G's is more of a sinus infection so we went to the ped yesterday and left with meds for her. I hope they kick in quickly - she is so congested that it's just nasty.

Yesterday was Mitchell's day to bring snack at preschool and it just about killed him that he wouldn't get to be the line leader and snack passer because I kept him home. (He probably could have gone, but in addition to making sure he wasn't contagious anymore - just a cold, but still - they are having a harvest party on Friday and he would really be sad if he missed that one.) I took the snack down to my neighbor so that she could take it to school for me and he said "Does Ela get to be the snack passer instead of me??" He was so worried about it.

It made me think about myself and how sometimes I'm still guilty of that same mentality as an adult -- I don't want to miss anything and it will just about kill me if someone else has to do one of my jobs. You'd think I'd have learned my lesson with leaving my job at school. The building didn't fall down. The school didn't get sued. No children fell ill. The world moved on, even without me. I know that in Mitchell's case, he just didn't want to miss being a part of things and to have his moment in the spotlight, but for me -- I think it's that whole needing to be needed thing. I have a few people in my life that this is their "thing," it's actually what they are known for, so it makes me cringe a bit to think that I have some of that myself. I am working on it and hope that I don't wear it as a badge as I have seen others in my life do.

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Last night I was getting the kids out of their clothes and into their pajamas. I was busy cleaning up a pretty icky diaper for Miss G and sort of half-paying attention to Mitchell, who is completely able to change his own clothes at this point. Out of my half an ear I had turned in his direction, I heard something that sounded like "both of my underwears" so I decided to actually turn my head in that direction. Would you believe that my silly little boy wore two pair of underwear all day yesterday because he loves his new Spiderman undies that much?! Here's how our conversation on the subject went:

Me: How in the world did you end up with two pair of underwear on?
M: Well, I love my new Spiderman underwear and I just couldn't choose.
Me: Wasn't one pair dirty?
M: No, I put them on after my bath last night so I was really clean.
Me: Oh, I see.
M: Which pair do you like the best, Mommy?
Me: Ummmm, whichever one you leave on.
M: I like them both just the same. I wonder what kind of underwear Spiderman wears?
Me: Probably Spiderman undies.
M: No, I think he likes Thomas.

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I really should have taken a picture of this, but my cranky girl yesterday cracked me up. At one point in the day, the only thing that made her happy was wearing her birthday crown, the thick, blue doctor's kit glasses, a string of fake pearls, my tennis shoes, and she had to tote around her plush, pink purse. She was so dang proud of herself.

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Okay, so I actually read the paper yesterday morning. As in, I sat at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee and read the newspaper. Cover to cover. That simply doesn't happen in my life anymore.

Here's an article that I read that really made me upset. I can't STAND this sort of thing. (I also couldn't get the paper's website to load, so I copied this from another blog, but it's the actual article and that link works, just not for me apparently.)

This from the Rocky Mountain News:
Suggesting church for students gets district suedBy SARA BURNETT
CHERRY CREEK, Colo. — The Freedom from Religion Foundation has filed a federal lawsuit against Cherry Creek Schools, saying a project aimed at helping students reach their full potential illegally encourages going to church.
The complaint, filed on behalf of two parents who have children in Cherry Creek schools, accuses the district of violating laws regarding the separation of church and state.
Tustin Amole, spokeswoman for the district, said Tuesday the district is confident the project is not illegal because it does not mandate participation in any religious activity.
Known as the 40 Developmental Assets, the project is promoted as a way to help students grow into “responsible, confident and healthy young people,” according to a newsletter sent to parents.
Among the assets is having family support and telling the truth, “even when it’s not easy.”
Recommendation number 19 is “religious community.” It suggests young people spend time each week in activities at a religious institution.
The project, which is used nationally, has been in the Cherry Creek district for 18 years, -Amole said.
The complaint asks the court to order the district to stop endorsing Developmental Asset 19. It does not specifically seek damages, but asks for any other relief the court deems proper.

The bolded part actually made me laugh because I immediately thought about how these parents seem to be doing the complete opposite of what the whole project is supposed to be doing for their children. How about telling your kids that although you don't like these recommendations and that although they upset you, simply recommending these activities is not illegal. How about telling your kids that if they had required such participation, then you bet - scratch that itch and file your lawsuit. How in the world is filing this lawsuit teaching those children to be healthy, confident and responsible? If you ask me - it's teaching them to be ultra-defensive, catered to, complainers.

I can only say that if our kids went to that school and it was recommended that they not be involved in religious activities, you bet your bippy that it is we, as parents who would be addressing that with our children. We wouldn't go running to the courts to file a lawsuit because the school system recommended something that was in contrast with our beliefs as parents, and we DEFINITELY wouldn't claim we'd had our rights violated. We would make it clear that no matter what the school recommends about that area of their lives, this is where we stand as a family. And if the recommendation meant that much to us, I doubt that we'd be sending them to school there.

That, to me, is taking a stand. Not claiming that they are having their rights mowed down. I think that they are coming off as whiners, personally. I also want to say that I'm completely open to other opinions on this subject, but since it's my blog...

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I just thought about what I wrote, and my husband will probably be so excited about it when I tell him. He loves it when I get fired up about stuff like that. I'm so much more lukewarm than he is on things so much of the time, I bet he'll be all jazzed to see me with my feathers ruffled. What a nerd. Also, he'll probably get a good chuckle out of the little award thing because (a) he doesn't really get this whole blog thing and (b) because he more than anyone else sees my warts. I think he'd chuckle, and then say he's proud of me. We'll see.

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Okay - so now for the recipe. I found this one in the paper on Sunday, so we had it on Monday and it was yummy. Here are my own personal notes -- can you tell I rarely follow a recipe as it's written?

I used the bones from a whole chicken I'd cooked the day before, and I also used a cooked chicken breast I had leftover. I just chopped it up and threw it in. Seeing as how I try to use the crockpot instead of the stove whenever possible, I threw it in there and it was fine. I think next time I'll not cook it quite so long because it reduced quite a bit -- I'd do maybe 2-3 hours on low instead of my normal 5-6. It was a nice change of pace and we both really liked it. I think next time I'm going to add shredded cabbage and lots of stir fry-type veggies. I forgot to add the veggies even though I thought of it this time, and I also forgot that I was going to serve it over ramen noodles. Whoops. Welcome to a day in my brain.

Oriental Chicken Soup

1 lb - cubed, boneless chicken breast (mine was already cooked)

4 - minced scallions (my hubby hates onions of any kind so I left them out)

2/3 cup of orzo (I left it out)

4 cups - chicken broth (I used low sodium)

2 tbsp - soy sauce (I used low sodium)

2 tbsp - rice wine or cider vinegar (I used rice wine)

1 tbsp - fresh, minced ginger (I only had powdered and just sprinkled, I didn't measure)

2 tsp - sesame oil

4 oz - trimmed/julienned snow peas

In a large saucepan, combine all ingredients except snow peas. Bring to a boil, reduce heat and cook 5 minutes. Add snow peas. Cook 5 minutes more, or until orzo is tender and chicken cooked. Makes about 4 servings.

Enjoy!

Thursday Thoughts - and a recipe!

So, if these are the opposite of deep thoughts -- does that make them shallow? Hmmmmm... hope not, just they're not anything to really chew on...know what I mean?

• I am probably the only person on the planet who is capable of cutting her thumb with celery. Yes, CELERY. (And by cut - I mean, blood was drawn.) I was trying to scrape a yucky part off with my thumbnail and the rib went under my nail and cut it open! ...Welcome to my world, friends. Welcome to my world.
• Okay, so check out the poll. Those of you that selected "Other" -- what is it that you like? Is it pumpkin bread? I just realized I didn't put it on there. I'm dying to know what else is left? Pumpkin ice cream? Pumpkin mousse? Help me out "other" people!
• I bought some Weight Watchers English Toffee ice cream bars yesterday. Uhh, YUM! Ice cream is ice cream, let's face it -- but when I have enough bread and fat exchanges left at the end of the day for TWO of them (they're like popsicle size) -- that makes for a Happy Tara. Have I mentioned that I love ice cream?
• So, I have still been thinking (ouch!) about the whole control issue. It is SO good to know that I'm not alone, and it seems to be a general theme in a lot of people's lives. Alana mentioned in her comment that a lot of us bloggy friends seem to have the same problem. It made me think about that a bit. Is it that most bloggy people are control people? Or am I in the middle of a freakish little subset of control addicts? Or are we just able to say "Yep, I struggle with that?" Or does EVERY person struggle with control? Are there some people who struggle to actually get a tighter grip on things instead of trying to let go more often? Can you imagine that one??? I can't, but I'm sure it exists. (Don't ask me why my mind does stuff like this. I should be exercising it with Sudoku puzzles or something, but no -- I ponder things like this.)
• Speaking of wanting more control -- I actually did take control of something that I've been wanting to for awhile now. Well, Tuesday I sat down and started making a Menu Plan for the whole month! I think that I have been talking (to myself) about doing this for at least a year now. Yesterday was the day that I finished it up and I feel so good about that! I know I am a total nerd here, but it was so much fun (seriously, it was!) that when I thought about what to make for dinner yesterday at about 4:00...I went to the fridge, checked the calendar and saw that the decision was already made for me. I even wrote on there when to pull stuff out of the freezer to defrost for upcoming meals. Seriously. It was awesome!
• In conjunction with that, I'm trying my hardest to save us some money so that when we eventually move, we have more money to spend on the new house for decorating, etc. See, I'm going to add up how much I've spent in the last 6 months at the grocery store every month and get an average. Then, I'm going to see how much I have SAVED based on that number this month with my big effort and put the difference into our savings and keep track of how much is in the "decorating fund." I am a SERIOUS spender at the store, girls. Big, big spender. I know I can tone it down and I think that's why my little monthly menu thing feels so good!
• Speaking of possibly moving! (Do you like how this is pretty much one big "and", "and", "and"...) I had two friends come over for a walk yesterday morning after we all dropped our kiddos off at preschool. One of them asked how the house selling thing was going. I told her that we'd had about one showing a week usually, but not for almost 2 weeks now. I added that if we had a showing call today that I would really be up a creek because I had been feeling sort of apathetic that morning. Uhhhh, YEAH. We got about 1/4 mile away from home and the cell phone starts ringing. I just KNEW it would be the realtor and it was. It was 9:30 and they wanted to show the house between 9:45 and 11:45. Uhhh, not so much. I said I could pull it off by 10:00 so we walked home at the speed of light. Can I just tell you -- I love my friends. I seriously have some GREAT friends, and these are two of them. They didn't ask if they could help, they just asked where stuff was. One ran the vaccum, the other one swept/swiffered while I cleaned up the kitchen sink/counters, made the beds, wiped off the bathroom sinks, etc. Georgia and her little same-aged friend just looked at us like we were nuts. I'm not kidding. Those girls saved my hopefully-shrinking-bootie. And the best part? We laughed through the whole thing and still got our walk in! Thank you, Lord, for my amazing girlfriends.
• We are having a TV-free week over here. Mitchell was quite full of sass and vinegar (that's my version of the old catchphrase) last week so we decided to just axe the ol' boob tube for a week. I have to admit, I was a bit nervous about this because it almost felt like more of a punishment for me than for him, and I know that many of you know what I'm talking about. Mr. Boob Tube helps Mommy check her email in the morning and make dinner in the evenings. Well...it's actually been great and I know that we will now have at least one TV free day every week. I think he would watch it in a heartbeat if I let him, but he's actually been great about it. As far as thinking about his behavior more -- Monday was the same -- a horrible day. Tuesday was marginally better. Yesterday was a truly awesome day. He was SO good. (He's 4, so of course he had his moments -- we all do -- but for the most part he was just a delight.) I am sure that I am a more attentive Mommy this week, and that is probably the biggest reason for the change. I'm hoping it lasts for more than one day! Thank you, Lord, for my sweet, sweet boy.
• I am so, so, SO proud of my husband. I can't really get into details on here, but can I just tell you that he is seriously kicking some lawyer bootie at work!!!! He recently won an appeal that he'd worked on for over a year and won it in a huge way. It was a pretty remarkable case, so much so that yesterday he was contacted by a law publication and they will be publishing the case because it is such a rare situation. I am bursting with pride at his efforts and success. In addition, a judge that he appeared before for three years recently announced his retirement from the bench due to health reasons. My husband hadn't appeared before him for seven years but sent him a letter expressing his admiration, thanks, and respect for the man. He indicated that this man had truly mentored my husband and that he is the reason he is where he is today. Well, this week he received a reply from the judge. He let me read it -- and it brought me to tears. Apparently, my husband's letter had a much bigger impact on this man that Chris could ever have anticipated. The judge's eyesight is failing him -- that is the reason for his retirement. Chris sent the letter in large (24 point) font and double spaced...the judge indicated that not even his clerks that he works with every day think to do that. The day that he received the letter, he'd been at a conference all day and he was unable to read even one more word that day so he had his wife read it to him. He stated that she put it down in the middle of reading it and they both began to sob and hug each other, for it meant so much to them to read the words that Chris had written. He was so touched and so grateful for Chris' thoughts and efforts -- he was actually brought to tears, and brought together with his wife. Can you imagine??? This man does not want to retire, I'm sure he feels like somewhat of a failure, and is devastated to have to end his career so much earlier than he ever dreamed of doing. It sounds as if he was feeling hurt, lost, and very regretful. And then Chris' letter arrives and turns the tide of emotions. Absolutely breathtaking. I told Chris that this whole situation was definitely a God Moment. It was a case of "Holy Attraction" if I'd ever heard of one. I still get goosebumps thinking about it. I could not be more proud of my man, even if I wanted to be. I love him so much -- and I can assure you -- this is so very typical of him. I'm so blessed to call him my husband. Thank you, Lord, for my amazing husband.

Okay -- is that a long enough ramble of random thoughts for you? As a reward, and in the spirit of Mari's Slow Cooking Thursday, here is the recipe that I'm using for tonight's dinner. Happy Thursday, friends!

Tangy Pulled Pork Sandwiches
From Light & Tasty

1 pork tenderloin (1 pound)
1 cup ketchup
2 tablespoons plus 1-1/2 teaspoons brown sugar
2 tablespoons plus 1-1/2 teaspoons cider vinegar
1 tablespoon plus 1-1/2 teaspoons Worcestershire sauce
1 tablespoon spicy brown mustard
1/4 teaspoon pepper
4 kaiser rolls, split

SERVINGS 4
PREP 10 min.
COOK 240 min.
TOTAL 250 min.

DIRECTIONS
Cut the tenderloin in half; place in a 3-qt. slow cooker. Combine the ketchup, brown sugar, vinegar, Worcestershire sauce, mustard and pepper; pour over pork.
Cover and cook on low for 4-5 hours or until meat is tender. Remove meat; shred with two forks. Return to the slow cooker; heat through. Serve on rolls. Yield: 4 servings.

NUTRITIONAL INFO
Nutrition Facts: 1 sandwich equals 402 calories, 7 g fat (2 g saturated fat), 63 mg cholesterol, 1,181 mg sodium, 56 g carbohydrate, 2 g fiber, 29 g protein. Diabetic Exchanges: 3-1/2 starch, 3 very lean meat, 1/2 fat.

My 200th Post - And A Giveaway!!

Wow! 200 posts! Can you believe it? Mari celebrated her 100th post recently, and it made me realize that I'd never even really paid attention to how many posts I had. I checked it out that day and was surprised to see that I was almost to 200. I started laughing because I couldn't belive I'd actually come up with 200 random things to write about. (I know my husband wouldn't be surprised at all. My guess is he thinks I'm probably babbling my way to 500 by now!)

Tonight I couldn't sleep (ohhh- shocker!) so I just spent about an hour re-reading my previous blog entries. As I waded through forgotten moments in time, feelings, and experiences, it struck me just how much I treasure this outlet. I've grown so much in the past two years -- as a wife, as a mother, as a person, but most importantly as a Child of God. I'm so grateful that I have it all in print and that I've left footprints of this journey that I've been on.

One thing that's been truly wonderful for me is that this is a safe place for me to share my faith. My struggles, my questions, and my reflections about this blessed life the Lord has given to me...I love having a place to express myself about what is becoming a bigger and bigger part of me each day. I read this passage tonight (you know, since I've been up all night) and it immediately made me think of my blog.

Psalm 63: 6-7 "I lie awake thinking of You, meditating on You through the night. I think how much You have helped me; I sing for joy in the shadow of Your protective wings."


Many of my God moments seem to come in the middle of the night - -and it's nice to have an outlet for those thoughts. It's also nice to be connected with people who know what I'm going through, who have been there, and who are able to offer support, love and encouragement. I never would have thought that a blog would be such a blessing in this way!

I have to laugh that my very first post was also written at 5:00 a.m. In fact, I think that at least half of my entries were written between the hours of 12 - 6 a.m. -- I try to make good use of that insomnia thing. By the way, Kim - you were my inspiration to start blogging. I loved reading yours and decided that it would be something fun to try -- and here I am now!

My 100th post celebrated my love of autumn -- of sweater weather, all things pumpkin (how did I forget to mention my beloved Pumpkin Spice Latte, by the way??) and leaf peeping. Today we had a chilly morning here, complete with a cool, autumn rain -- I was in heaven! Who knew 100 posts ago, I was in that same state of mind?

This crazy bloggy world has offered me the chance to get to know some amazing people and to make some new friends. It's also given me an opportunity to get to know people in different ways, and on a much deeper level. It's such a blessing that with the click of a mouse, I am allowed to share such personal and touching parts of people's lives. So - to all of you, my bloggy friends...thanks for letting me come into your worlds each day, and for all of the support, laughs and encouragement you've shared with me in mine. I never would have dreamed I would have so much fun or learn so much about myself and other people this way.

SO...since I've enjoyed this little part of my life so much, I want to celebrate a little bit with my 200th Never-Dull-Moment! Leave a message today telling me about one of your favorite bloggy moments -- it can be a memory you wouldn't have preserved any other way, a friendship you've discovered, a comment from a reader that really touched you...just any moment that makes you glad to be part of this crazy little bloggy world!

Anyone who plays along today will be eligible to win my little prize pack of Colorado goodies! If the random number generator picks the number of your comment -- you win! How easy is that?

What's in the prize pack, you ask?

• A packet of Aspen Mulling spiced cider mix
• A packet of cinnamon chocolate hot cocoa mix
• Some chocolate aspen leaves
• Mexican pinto bean dip mix (which, by the way will support The Women's Bean Project)
• A "Colorful Colorado" coloring book (for any little ones that might enjoy it!)

And because you've been fairly warned that poop may be involved when you enter my world...

• A package of Big Horn Sheep Doodles (double-dipped chocolate covered peanuts)

So, there ya go...200 and counting. Thanks for coming along for the ride!

Mini-Me Monday - Check In #1

Okay - so it's my first check in and progress report for Mini-Me Monday. My good buddy, Earen had this Monday idea, so I decided that I would do it, too. I'm happy to see that Renee is joining our Mini-Me Monday movement, and I am excited to see the changes we're all going to be making. (I'm sure that some weeks we will have much to rejoice over and other weeks we will be taking a few steps back. It just feels better to take a journey like this with good friends.)

For me, this has been a week full of "Yay, me" and also some "Ummmm, yeah...not so much" happenings.

Do you want the good or the bad? Hmmmmm...let's start with bad and end on a good note, shall we?

The bad: I didn't consistently eat any better. Here and there I did, but let's just say that you very well could have witnessed the following things going in my mouth this weekend: pepperoni pizza, a homemade Coke float that my hubby whipped up, peanut m&m's, and chocolate chip cookies. Now, I'll say that not every meal had a black cloud hanging over it, but whatever I did right during the week, I surely undid this weekend. Can I blame my husband? Ummm, not so much. (See, there's one.) If I'm totally honest with the world, I can tell you that I had McDonald's for lunch today, and I didn't get a salad. Or grilled chicken. Nope - a burger. (Yeah....not so much, again.)

The good: I am proud to announce that I exercised 5 out of 7 days last week! Yay, me!!!! (And there's one of those.) The thing is, it's difficult for me to get my eating AND exercise on track at the same time. Not that I absolutely can't do both -- but I know myself well enough to know that I can't do both right out of the gate. SO...since my First Place (similar to weight watchers, but based on the Bible) group starts this Thursday night, I figured I'd get my bootie moving first so that I'm already in the habit of working out when it's time to full-on tackle the eating thing. I'm really looking forward to the first meeting and just staring that starting number right in the eyes. My guess is that I have about 50-55 pounds to lose to reach my end goal, but to get to my first goal, I know it's 20-25 FOR SURE. That, to me, feels very attainable.

I'm not sure if I provided any background last week, so I'll fill in a few gaps here. I have struggled with my weight off and on throughout college. Probably a bit in high school too, but I was so active then that all of my sports kept the weight off. (I played volleyball year round and soccer in the spring.) During my junior year of college, I started working out with a personal trainer who was also a dietician. I don't know exactly how much weight I lost, but it was quite a bit. All of that went by the wayside during grad school and I seriously ballooned up. I am a stress eater and I have trouble sleeping when I'm stressed as well. I was just not taking care of myself at all then -- eating terribly, not exercising, drinking regularly, not sleeping well, not taking vitamins...let's just say I was not exactly the poster child for healthy living.

Fast forward a few years and you have me post-divorce (um, yeah -- can we just say I'll get back to that one later?) and living with two roommates. One of my roommates and I started working out together 3-5 times a week and eating really well. I dropped quite a bit of weight and was feeling and looking so much better. Got married, and a month later I found out I was pregnant. I gained about 45 pounds with my first pregnancy and kept about 30 of it for about two years.

My husband and I together did the South Beach thing and we just did awesome! He lost close to 50 pounds and I lost about 30. I was working out with a neighbor at an all women's gym and loved it. Then I got pregnant. Oh, and in the middle of that I had a freak accident/fall and tore my patellar tendon in my knee. That pretty much cooked my exercise goose. I didn't gain as much with Miss G, but I also started at a lower weight, so I think that helped a lot.

What it didn't help was me continue the lifestyle changes that I'd made. I had some WICKED food aversions when pregnant with her, and I kid you not, I would become nauseated even talking about salad. (I love salad normally, so this was a big problem.) Anyway -- it just totally derailed the train we had chugging along so nicely.

So, now -- here I am, back where I started. Needing to lose a ton of weight and trying not to feel defeated about looking up from the base of the same mountain again. That's what it feels like to me. A mountain. Nothing I can't do, but sitting in a recliner while eating junk food and watching someone else give it a whirl sounds like a much more tempting plan most of the time.

Tempting. That's a key for me.

The thing about me and temptation when it comes to food is that I am weak and vulnerable the first few weeks and then I'm golden. I am selfish and greedy in that I need to see results and get some positive encouragement from people who are just making observations in order to keep me motivated. It's so sad for me to admit that I just plain don't have the intrinsic motivation to do this that some people do. I don't enjoy working out and I have a serious love affair with food. Okay, let's call it what it is. An addiction.

There, I said it.

So, anyway -- that's me in a nutshell. That's how I got here.

The one thing I know is that I cannot do this alone. I need support. I need encouragement, and finally, I realize -- I need to lean on the Lord for my strength and motivation. His Word can guide my footsteps, and through my friends and First Place group, I know I'll get the prayer, support and encouragement I need.

With Him I can do anything. By myself, I just wind up on the same ridiculous roller coaster ride and I'm ready to get off. I'm upset with myself for having this be such an on-going issue in the "First Place" (ha, ha!) and it is comforting to me to know that God wants more for me as well. He desires that I have self-discipline and self-control, and I owe that not only to Him and myself, but to my children as well. They deserve a happy, healthy mom who can show them how to live a balanced life.

I know that Earen also posted this verse on her blog today, and I'm glad that it resonated with her as well. I read this while doing a Bible study last week and it just jumped off the page at me. The verse was only mentioned in passing, but to me it may as well have been in neon. I wrote it down and now have it as my guiding verse in this Mini-Me journey.

Hebrews 12:11 - "No discipline is enjoyable while it is happening - it is painful! But afterward, there will be a quiet harvest of right living for those who are trained in this way."

It helps to know that this isn't supposed to be easy and that, really - it's supposed to suck. I also like that there is a quiet harvest waiting for me at the finish line. At first, I thought -- hmmm, harvest. Let me get a better picture in my head of that because I'm a visual thinker and to be honest, I thought of corn and pumpkins. (Food -- go figure, right?) Anyway - here is my favorite definition:

harvest:
5. the result or consequence of any act, process, or event: The journey yielded a harvest of wonderful memories.

The consequence of my acts. The result of this process. A harvest. I don't just want that - everything within me needs it desperately, so I'll just keep putting one foot in front of the other and doing the best that I can.


Oh - and look for big happenings tomorrow (well, big for me -- it's a milestone and I'm doing a giveaway!)

The sweetest little blog award...

What a great way to wake up! The kids are watching Thomas in our bed, the hubster is snoozing, and I'm making my morning rounds on the blogs. One of the first things I see is that Mari has given me a "You Make Me Smile" award! Wow!



Upon seeing this, my initial thought was "Right back at ya, Mari!" She has a great blog herself and a very, very sweet heart. She is full of encouraging words and yummy recipes! Reading her blog always brightens my days, as do her comments to me. So, a huge hug and many thanks for making ME smile, Mari!

My favorite thing is this...I get to pass it on! So here are ten people that put a smile on my face when they let me into their world with their blogs. (There are more blogs than this on my bookmarked list, all of which make me smile...some of them are on Mari's list, too. Didn't want to be a copy cat!!)

Renee and "One Mama's Journey" - Renee is one of my best friends in the actual non-computer world. She has been a huge source of support and encouragement to me for about ten years now and we've been on this bloggy road together for awhile. She does a wonderful job of painting pictures in your head and gives so many things for me to really think on in her blog. You don't have to look hard to see what's in her heart -- it's full of the Lord. She just moved back to Michigan and I already miss her tons.

Earen and "Faith In The Journey" - Earen and I met at our MOPS group and have developed a wonderful friendship over the past few years. She is relatively new to blogging, but reading her thoughts always blesses me tremendously. She is honest, sweet, and reflective. She always ties events in her life back to her walk with the Lord and does it beautifully.

Kim and "Stressed Momma" - Kim and I have known each other for about five years now. She is a great friend and a wonderful person whose blog always makes me laugh because it's usually like reading about my own life. She has three gorgeous girls and I love reading about their adventures and lives. Kim also has this great way of digging deep into life and giving me things to ponder.

Emily and "Life As I Know It" - Emily is a true friend and our conversations are always interesting. Usually I'm telling her to hold on so that I can peel someone off of the kitchen counter or -- you know -- clean up something stinky. It seems that I have unknowingly sucked her into this wonderful blogging world -- and I'm so glad because her blog is a joy to read! Emily is an inspiration to me because of how strong of a woman she is...not sure if she knows that. She has a heart for the Lord and an adorable family.

Jamie and "The Little Family" - I've been lucky enough to get to know Jamie over the past two years and she is one of the sweetest people I know. Usually one of the first to help me through a rough spot and offer kind words, and at the same time is completely humble. Jamie's been through so, so much in a short time and it is so fun to read about that adorable belly and the little guy growing in there. Jamie has a great sense of humor and if you're lucky, you'll also get to see her sweet hubby and adorable furbabies! (She just moved blogs so this one's pretty new.)

Tricia and "The McDaris Family" - Tricia is a friend of mine that blogs about her wonderful family -- two girls and a boy. They are on an uncertain journey right now with her pregnancy (still needing lots of prayer!!) but their complete trust and faith in the Lord is 100% inspiration to me. I'm always feeling blessed after reading Tricia's words.

Sarah and "Short Stop" - Sarah's blog always makes me laugh. Or drool. Or say "Yep, I totally have been there." She has a great sense of humor and a beautiful family, which is in the process of growing. I've so enjoyed reading her thoughts and can relate to so much of what she writes about!

Beth Anne and "Waiting For The Shout" - I told Beth Anne shortly after I first visited her blog that I bet she has a great laugh. I love that even in posts that carry a very serious message, she injects humor. She is someone who consistently has caused me to think "Whoa. I need to remember that!" She is passionate about the Lord and does a great job of sharing that passion. Besides, she has a picture of a boy in Thomas pj's on her blog -- hello -- there's one of those on my bed at this very minute!

Alana and "A Kiss, A Hug & A Squeeze" - I think that Alana is someone I probably have a lot in common with. Many of her posts make me say "Wait...am I reading about my house or hers?" I literally giggled out loud several times while reading her latest post, and I could have written much of it myself. Also a Mommy following the Lord, she blesses her readers each day.

Denise and "Keeping Up With The Joneses" - I'm pretty new to Denise's blog, but I always smile each and every time when I see the picture of her dancing. She has a heart for the Lord, and looking into her heart and family's world through her blog has blessed me tremendously in a short period of time.

So, there ya go! Ten people that never cease to make me smile, except on days that they don't blog. Thanks again for letting me have some fun with this, Mari!! Feel free to pass it on, ladies!

Getting Personal...

Sarah posted this on her blog today, encouraging her readers to do the same. Oh, happy day! I love stuff like this, I wasn't sure if I had any bloggy ideas today, and I'm also TOTALLY procrastinating right now (we have a showing this afternoon and I need to clean), so it was a huge score for me in all three areas! It would be fun to read even more of these -- so to anyone who is game -- Tag, you're it!



Accent - I think I'm from that part of the country that people say doesn't have an accent. I will say that out here, people tend to say "warsh" instead of "wash" and it bothers me, so I have not adopted that little gem. (I also tend to tease my parents about it.) My mom told me that when I was as young as about three years old, I would start speaking differently after spending a short amount of time with people who had an accent. I started on my professional pathway early on! Hee hee.

I Don't Drink - Sweetened tea. Okay, all of you Southern ladies -- pick yourselves up off of the ground now. I like my iced tea with real lemon but no sweetener of any kind. At all.

Chore I Hate - I really can't stand dusting. It just irritates me to think about doing it. In fact, I would much rather be doing a random bloggy survey than dusting my house. I love the way the house looks after I do it, but yuck.

Pets - None, currently. My husband and I are both big dog lovers, so I can't see us never having one. Or two. We just don't have them yet.

Essential Electronics - Maybe I'll do my top three...that would be...hmmmm... (1) Computer, (2) Radio, and (3) Telephone. Not that I like to communicate or be connected with the world, or anything. My husband would probably be just fine with a rock, chisel, and a pigeon. Me? Not so much.

Perfume - Oh, yay! I get to talk about my beloved "Heart" again! It's made by Garden Botanika and I've worn it forever. If I was Oprah, it would be on my "favorite things" show. I love, love, love it!

Gold or Silver - Depends on what I'm wearing, but I prefer silver. Incidentally, the chain and cross I'm wearing today are made of both silver and gold. What are the odds?

Insomnia - Ohhhhhhh, insomnia. We're well acquainted. I've always been a horrible sleeper and still have trouble sleeping at least one or two times a month. I pretty much never slept in grad school -- stress does that to me, and well, it was sorta stressful.

Job Title - 90% of the time I'm a wife and Mommy. 10% of the time I'm a speech-language pathologist. Right now I am doing some private practice and have four children that I see weekly in their homes. I love it, but I really miss working in the schools. I miss my team, I miss the kids, I miss working in classrooms and with the teachers, but I sure don't miss all that paperwork!

Most Admired Trait - I think I'm going to say integrity. Each and every day it seems like there is less and less of it to discover in this world, so I appreciate it more and more.

Kids - We are parents to two little blessings! Mitchell is 4 1/2 and Georgia is 18 months. Good thing you didn't ask if we were having more!

Religion - Hmmmm, that's pretty open-ended. I grew up attending a Lutheran church. I sort of did my own thing (which was pretty much nothing) in college. Now, I am married to a catholic man and attend a non-denominational church, so I guess my answer would be...I'm religiously eclectic? I will say that my faith and passion for the Lord is stronger now than it ever has been, and so many parts of my life continue to change for the better as my faith grows.

Siblings - I have one brother (Tim) who is a year and a half older than I am.

Time I Wake Up - Most of the time, no later than 7, maaaayyyybbbbeeeee 7:30. I am starting my get up early to work out/have quiet time though, so it's going to be 5:30 several times a week now.

Vegetable I Hate - I really like pretty much any vegetable, really. Oh, I know. For some reason, pearl onions really gross me out. A lot. I won't eat those, but I don't hate them...they didn't do anything to me!

Worst Habit - No one is likely enjoying this little survey more than my mom, if she's reading it. I bet she is getting a good giggle out of some of these! I would have to say it's a toss up between picking my cuticles (I hate that I do it, but I do it all of the time, and half the time I don't even realize I'm doing it!) or procrastinating. I'm pretty good at both of them, and they're both pretty sucky habits to have. You decide which is worse.

My Favorite Meal - Probably a big, huge dinner from my favorite local mexican restaurant, El Parral. I love to get a chile relleno (soft, not crispy), a guacamole tostada, and a cheese enchilada (no onions). Yuuuuummmmmm!!!

That's it? Really? Dang. Guess I better get back to cleaning!! I'll look forward to reading some more of these! Thanks, Sarah!

Playing Along Today...

Okay, so I decided that since there are some things I am very loyal to and love to pieces, I would take part in the "Works For Me Wednesday" with Rocks In My Dryer. I love finding out about new stuff to make life easier, clean cleaner and tastes good. Play along if you want!

1. Easy Off Bam Power Stain & Drain Cleaner - I have actually been meaning to talk about how much I love this stuff. It's by far the best toilet bowl cleaner I've ever tried. It also took some sort of mystery smell out of my sink. Give it a whirl -- it's my find of the summer!

2. Shout - This is nothing new to those of you that have talked laundry with me. Nothing does the job like my beloved Shout for stain removal. It really does kick some serious laundry bootie.

3. Soft & Dri, Dri Gel (Cool & Clean scent) - I haven't used anything else for about 10 years. It's definitely something that you either love or hate...I've had people borrow my deodorant and be grossed out by the gel part of it, but it dries clear and really does a good job.

4. Garden Botanika's Heart Perfume - I'm such a whacko, I even put it on after my shower if I'm just going to sleep. I love, love, LOVE this smell...it's so clean and fresh. Occasionally, I have people ask me what kind of shampoo I use and it always ends up being my perfume that they smell. I don't know what I'll do if they ever stop making it.

5. Bath & Body Works Handsoap - Our favorites are "Warm Vanilla Sugar", "Key Lime Verbena", and "Mandarin Orange". Yum! I love it when it goes on sale 5 for $15.

6. Ken's Steakhouse Salad Dressings - If you haven't tried these yet, you are missing out! The Blue Cheese is our favorite. Sooooo yummy!!

7. Celestial Seasonings Herbal Tea - I love the Cranberry Zinger. Mmmmm!

8. Starbucks Coffee - Did you really think I wouldn't put it on here? Seriously.

Stray thoughts...

Mitchell loves to play in our closet. He was in there playing Buzz Lightyear last night as I looked for a paper for his school at the computer desk:

Mitchell: Mommy, I love you so much.

Me: I love you, too.

Mitchell: I'm going to say a prayer for you.

Me: I would love that.

*Lays down his space shuttle and folds his hands.*

Mitchell: Dear God, Thank you for giving me my Mommy. In Jesus' name, Amen.

Me: Wow. That might be the best prayer I've ever heard.

Mitchell: Thanks. So, Mommy, Buzz Lightyear is going to go save Woody...

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Georgia has started to sing. I can hear her in her crib in the mornings and can tell that she is singing to herself. "Winnie The Pooh," "Twinkle, Twinkle," "Old McDonald," and "The ABC's" appear to be her favorites. It is absolutely adorable and so captures who she is at this age. I hope that I can always close my eyes and hear the sweet sounds of her little songs.

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A verse on my heart today as I send Mitchell off to his first day of his last year of preschool.

"Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it." Proverbs 22:6

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I'm not sure if you're aware of this or not, but Georgia is apparently able to throw half of a toasted bagel the length of at least three tables. Frisbee style. Just, you know, in case it comes up in conversation or something. Might be good information for you to have, especially if you happen to be sitting, say, within three tables of us.

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Before I go - just have to share that I've added yet another great blog to my reading list! I followed a link to Alana's blog and found out how to make my own signature! Very cool...thanks for the inspiration!

"I want"

I was talking to a friend on the phone yesterday (Hi, Renee!) and Georgia came up and said "I want milk." (It actually comes out as "I wanna muk.") I then said that half of what she says these days is preceded by the words "I want." Renee then told me she thought that was pretty good developmentally and I laughed that if she's going to master the art of saying something, "I want" is not a surprising catch phrase for our little ball of fire.

I thought about this as the day went on and had a little revelation of sorts. One of those things you know but don't really think much about. Guess who else lives her life with the words "I want" as a mantra most days?

Me.

Let me demonstrate:

*I want to sell my house quickly.
*I want to be able to find "the perfect" house for us.
*I want my 3 hours of work each week to be easy money.
*I want my husband to be happy at work and not have to work overtime.
*I want my kids to be healthy and well-adjusted.
*I want time for my own study of the Bible each day.
*I want time to myself each day to just relax.
*I want my kids to be kids, just not to make messes like kids.
*I want a housekeeper, you know, other than me.
*I want to be skinny without the jogging. (What's up, Earen? *wink*)
*I want some cute clothes that are beyond inexpensive.

To recap:

I want it easy. I want it now. I want it painless. I want it clean. I want it cheap. I want it convenient. I want it happy.

I want it all.

Times like this, I love the Bible that I use -- it has real life questions in it. Today, I looked up and did the lesson with this one:

"Why is enough never enough? No matter what I have, I dream about what I don't have."

*ahem* Yeah, that seems to fit this morning. I'm going to try and keep this verse on my heart today because, well, WOW. Just wow. It was just what I needed to hear today.

Ecclesiastes 6: 7-9

Enjoy what you have rather than desiring what you don't have. Just dreaming about nice things is meaningless; it is like chasing the wind.

I think that I'll turn my "I wants" into "I'm gratefuls."

*I'm grateful that we don't HAVE to sell our house quickly and that we have such a lovely home to live in.
*I'm grateful for the opportunity to buy a bigger home with more luxuries for our family, no matter where that may be.
*I'm grateful for the ability to work at a job I truly enjoy and to have the chance to be a part of changing the lives of children and families.
*I'm grateful that my husband has a strong work ethic and a wonderful job which provides me with the chance to stay home with my children, since I know that's where I belong for now. I'm grateful for the lessons he is learning during his overtime work as I know they will serve him well as he continues to advance in his career.
*I'm grateful that for the most part, my children ARE healthy and well-adjusted. The gift of a healthy child should never be taken for granted...I need to remember that.
*I'm grateful for the chance to worship freely in this country and for the foundation that my parents laid for me so long ago. I'm thankful for Christian music stations as many days, that's the only real time I'm able to have with God's word - -in the car, doing dishes, etc.
*I'm grateful for having a family that I love surround me each day. I know that I could very well be someone who only had time to myself and I would be so lonely.
*I'm grateful for the messes that my children make each day because it means that we spent time having fun and learning together. It also means I had the chance to be with them today.
*I'm grateful for the neverending piles of laundry, dishes and dirty floors because it means we have enough clothes to wear, food toe at, and a house to live in.
*I'm grateful for the yummy food that has given me this ample figure. *hee hee* Actually, I'm grateful for the chance to grow closer to the Lord as I soon begin a Christian-based weight loss group.
*I'm grateful for the fact that I am able to clean out all of our closets at least twice a year and give those clothes to charity.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...that feels so much better. I think I'll print this out and keep it where I can read it every single day as a reminder to myself of how to get rid of the "I wants."

P.S. - Wouldn't you know it, just as I finished typing this, my sweet baby girl woke up and said "I wanna MAMA."

I'm so grateful to be loved and needed by my precious children.

Self-reflection...

First of all, thanks to my fellow blogging friends who inspired me to bling out my blog a bit. I got the bug to glam it up a little after looking at everyone else's cool pictures and things. (Plus, I am avoiding my tower of dirty laundry at this point.)


I just got done finishing up my "homework" for a Bible study that I've been a part of all summer. Every week that we met, we would each bring pictures that corresponded to different things we were talking about. We'd share our pictures with each other and explain why and how they fit into each area and when we went home, we put them into a scrapbook and did some journaling.

I'm truly amazed at how much good this little bit of self-reflection has done for my heart! It was fun to do, sometimes challenging and I have gone back to read what I've written several times. This morning, I was wrapping up the last part of my scrapbooking and as I finished, I realized that I'm a bit sad to be done with this because it's been so good for me.

I've truly enjoyed the soul-searching element of it, and each and every time, it's caused me to focus on the gifts in my life and to see exactly where I've come from, where I am now, and where I want to be in so many different areas. Above all, it's been a very concrete way to reflect about how the Lord has worked in my life. I have written the words "amazed", "astounded", "humbled" and "overwhelmed" more times than I can count.

Here are the things I've already done:
*Blessings
*Answered and unanswered prayers
*People that I love
*People who have influenced my spiritual journey
*My purpose in life

As you might imagine by looking at that list, many of the same people keep popping up in my pictures, but my thoughts about them and the ways in which they have touched my life are different each time. I discovered this morning that I'm not ready to be done yet, so I'm attempting to come up with some more things that I can still tackle as I attempt to scrapbook my way through the "core" of my life.

Here are some of the ideas that have to come to mind:
*Choices - both good and bad
*Gratitude
*Questions I have
*Fears/Doubts
*Celebrations

Feel free to toss out any ideas you might have, and I would LOVE to hear about it if you decide to try this yourself. It has been a very powerful way to engage in some pretty deep self-reflection. I have really missed scrapbooking, as I used to do it all of the time, but then just couldn't seem to find the time and didn't do anything for about two years. This has been a wonderful way for me to be creative and get back into a relaxing hobby that I love. I can't wait to keep going!

8 Things You Probably Don't Know About Me...

Okay, Casey - I told you I would, right? Here ya go! Anyone else with a blog - have at it, I'm tagging you to be next!

1. I lived on Easter Place growing up and therefore thought that the Easter Bunny would always visit my house first.

2. Strangely, even though I believed this up to about -- oh -- 6 or 7 years old, I spilled the beans about the whole Santa thing to my friend when I was 3 years old. Yes, 3. My mom got a very irate call from his mother and I had to tell him that I was just teasing him to make him cry. I was a little verbally, um, advanced? for my age, I'm told. Shocking, yes?

3. I am PHOBIC about lightning.

4. My left foot is a half size bigger than my right foot.

5. I am a picker. And a popper. Of zits and things like that. Just ask my husband.

6. When I was 6 years old, right before we went on vacation to Disneyland, I developed a horrible skin rash after running through the sprinklers with my neighbor. The water was hitting the trees in his backyard and then coming down on us and apparently the trees had just been sprayed with something. My mom said it looked like I had some raging contagious illness and while we were at Disneyland people were awful to me. They would talk about "that nasty little girl" and tell their kids not to sit next to me or touch me and I guess it made me just bawl my eyes out. My amazing mom took me to the t-shirt store (this was the 70's so the rage of making your own t-shirt was big) and made me a yellow t-shirt that said "It's An Allergy" in big black letters on it and they washed it out in the sink for me so that I could wear it EVERY single day for the rest of the trip. I distinctly remember my mom putting a positive spin on it for me by saying that at least we'd have the pool all to ourselves. And we did!

My point in saying this is that I to this day I can still remember being horrible to a girl named Jill in kindergarten because she had a skin disease and then the next year I got my own. (Oh, that God!) Even as a 30-something woman, I wish I could find Jill and say I'm sorry.

7. I always wanted to be in a spelling bee but never was. Probably worked out for the best on that one.

8. My first car was a poop brown 1981 Toyota Carolla hatchback. I wrecked it two weeks to the day after I got my license.

How is that for a random list?? Can't wait to see some more!

Not Buyin' It.

I went on a girls' trip a few months ago and one of my friends brought the dvd for "The Secret". I'd heard about it but didn't really know what it was all about so I was interested in watching it. As I watched, I was not nearly as energized by it as my friend was, who claims that it has truly changed things in her life, and for her husband as well. Fair warning -- if you loved it too, I'm about to somewhat rain on your parade. Nothing personal, this is just my reaction to it.

I guess for me, most of it was stuff I already knew or thought about. It's not that I didn't gain *anything* from it, it just didn't leave me as gung-ho and rah-rah as I expected it to, which is surprising, as this friend and I are usually very closely aligned with things like this and our reactions to them. For me, it struck me that the biggest and first part of the dvd (I don't know about the book) was all about money and personal financial gain. To me, that seemed to be the emphasis of where one should put their "positive energy into the universe"...so that it came back to YOU in the form of getting rich. Like the guy who said that he thought positive, whited out what he owed on one of his bills and replaced it with the number he'd like to have in his bank account, and (direct quote or close to it here) "checks just started coming in". Seriously...let's get real, people. Can we get the rest of that story, please? Did you invest more? Did you work overtime? I'm sorry - but people do not just start randomly sending you money in the mail unless you have recently picked up a 2nd job as a televangelist or something. And if they DO just start randomly sending you checks for no reason, then I'm off to Wally World for some white out.

I was really struck by the fact that they kept saying how "The Secret" can change the world. Make things better for everyone. Change lives. Well, then wouldn't it make sense that in the financial part that giving of your own time and money to others is one of the biggest ways to do that? I mean, if the whole premise is that positive energy attracts positive energy and brings good into your own life, how in the world could philanthropy be anything but a huge beacon of positive energy? Do you think it was mentioned once? Even once? Nope. I was really in awe over that one and it left me feeling like the only money message I got was a yucky, materialistic, selfish one. Nice.

My other issue was how they kept saying "The Universe." Now, I am a Christian and will tell anyone who wants to know about it and about where I am with my faith. By the way, I know that I have at least a few people checking in on my blog who are not Christians. Not that there's anything wrong with that. (Hee hee -- just a little Seinfeld in there for you. If you are not a Seinfeld fan, it was supposed to be a little humor. It's 5 am and I'm not completely awake yet, so just keep that in mind.) I do want you to know that I completely watched this with an open mind and expected to love it because on the drive up to the cabin, my friend told me that when the people said "The Universe", to her she took it as them saying "God" because that matched up with her. I really do have an open mind, but the other things they said kept me from thinking that they were meaning anything than what they were saying. At the same time, it was OBVIOUS that they hoped they could rope in people like my friend and were trying to peddle their wares to people of any and all religious perspectives.

Infomercial city.

Maybe, in hindsight, that was my big beef. It seemed like they just couldn't wait to energize you and convert you to their way of thinking and it was like one of those middle of the night (and we all know I've seen those!) Real Estate Riches infomercials. I mean, after all it had worked for them! They were rich, they had been healed from illness, they had attracted hot women into their lives! All you had to do was think positively, throw some positive energy out there into the ol' universe, and you were good to go. I smelled a reallllllllllllllllllllly long infomercial. As I said before, I did take away some good things and some things that I've actually been able to apply to my own life, but for the most part....it was cheesy sales pitchy, dawg. (Ack. I'm tired.)

One man in particular really hit a nerve with me. He was some sort of physicist (okay, I can't even spell that word) and he sort of seemed to mock me and all that is at the core of my life. He said that "there is no big chalkboard in the sky" where God writes your name and what the future holds for you. (Meanwhile, they put up a cartoon chalkboard behind him and write his name on it with cartoon chalk while he's talking. It was like a slap to me.) He went on to say that you are in charge of your own destiny and you are the one who determines what happens in your life. Well, guess what. I think differently and apparently if he would get wind of that, my name would be written in cartoon on his cartoon chalkboard and a little cartoon Tara would be drawn below my name with a dunce hat.

I feel like the chalkboard is a really stupid analogy, first of all. Beyond that, I feel like I am responsible for both the good and bad decisions that I've made in my life, but I will tell you this much -- what one person calls "intuition" and "positive energy" (that would be him), another person (that would be me) calls "God" and "prayer". He can seriously bite my big ol' Christian butt. I guarantee you that when I was sitting in my big, white wedding dress one fine fall day in 1997 about to make what continues to be the absolute worst decision of my entire life by marrying the wrong person, it was not my "negative energy" that had me in a heap in the middle of the floor, ready to vomit, and unable to move 5 minutes before I had to walk down the aisle. It was not God's plan for me...that was CLEAR AS A BELL, but I did it anyway. My little chalkboard in the sky had my name on it, but not The Jerk's. That was my own doing. And guess what? It got undone a year later. It's called free will, and I had plenty of it on that day.

I guess I should get to the reason that 3 months later this is all still on my mind. I am in a Bible study with some women from my MOPS group and we are reading a book called God Moments and I feel like it is my version of "The Secret". It's like me yelling "In your face!" to Mr. Cartoon Chalkboard, although two things are blatantly evident: (a) he can't hear me and (b) he wouldn't care anyway.

In any case, I am so enjoying this book and this is energizing me. This is giving me hope. This is what my soul needed at a time where it seems I have stress coming at me from every angle. I am so glad that I'm reading it and know it will be one I re-read several times.

Oh, and a special thanks to Renee (I still can't figure out how to make your "e" have the accent mark, I'm sorry!) for helping me connect the two things a few weeks ago. When you said that this is like "The Secret", I about jumped out of my seat because it really, really is.

What is she saying??

Thanks to Nutmeg for the brilliant idea! I love it when I don't have to come up with my own ideas, so I am all over this one.

Okay, so look at the picture of my baby girl below and tell me what you think she is trying to say. I'm looking forward to this one!

I think she's saying "Get 'im, Rock! You're a tank!"

I wanna talk about me...

Sorry -- totally nerdy Toby Keith reference there. I am feeling less than creative today and decided to follow my friend, Kim's lead on this one.

A) Four jobs I have had in my life:
1. Hostess at Black-Eyed-Pea
2. Waitress at Applebee's (woot, woot -- Renwoit - hee hee)
3. Receptionist/physical therapy assistant/word processing for the Rehab Dept at a hospital
4. Dry cleaning counter person

B) Four movies I would watch over and over: (only 4?!?!)
1. Pretty Woman
2. Urban Cowboy (Dang, Gina -- the first scene after he shaved? HOT!!!!)
3. Baby Boom (yes, nerd alert)
4. When Harry Met Sally

C) Four places I have lived: (I'm positively WILD, I tell ya. WILD.)
1. Englewood, CO
2. Greeley, CO
3. Aurora, CO
4. Denver, CO

D) Four TV shows I love to watch
1. Grey's Anatomy
2. Desperate Housewives
3. Sex and The City Reruns
4. America's Funniest Videos (am I not THE coolest person you know yet???)

E)Four places I have been on vacation:
1. San Francisco, CA
2. Seattle, WA
3. Victoria, BC
4. Las Vegas, NV

F) Four Web sites visited daily (weekly):
1. Pregnancy.org
2. ebay.com
3. bestsimplerecipes.com
4. target.com

G) Four of my favorite foods:
1. Lasagna
2. Ice cream
3. Anything mexican (but mostly chile rellenos and guacamole tostadas)
4. Cheese

H) Four places I would rather be right now:
1. Girls Night Out
2. The scrapbooking store
3. Disneyland with my family
4. On a hawaiian beach with a margarita and my cabana boy, errrr -- husband

So go ahead. If you have a blog, blog it. If you have a board, post it. If you have neither, just write it down and think about it.

Addendum to part 2...

As my fine friend, Jamie has so clearly noted,

"The trains! What about the trains?"

Am I the biggest moron or WHAT??? I think perhaps I'm still numb from what we now refer to as "The Train Incident" at the museum.

Yes, yes...the trains. Trains don't make him happy -- that would be the understatement of the world. They make him a wee bit insane, but I mean that in the best possible way. (Hopefully someone out there knows what I mean.) Trains are the Holy Grail of this three year old's life -- in fact, a different train gets the privilege of sleeping on the nightstand every night. (Tonight it's Terence the Tractor, in case you're wondering.)

In a moment of nostalgia not long ago, I reread my blog entries and wouldn't you know it, Thomas the Tank engine was driving me crazy. Driving ME crazy because it makes him INSANELY happy. Like I expressed then, I know there will be a day when I will miss the Thomas obsession because it means I have a big boy whose list of happy things will be much, much different. (And likely much, much more disturbing to me as a mother.)

Okay - - I just felt that this needed its own little space.

Dang -- seriously!!! How in the WORLD could I not have listed the trains? Jamie -- get out the bike and run my butt over, would ya????

Just curious...

If you actually read this thing, would you just post in the comments of this little one for me? I usually feel like I'm talking to myself and I only know of two people that have told me they read it -- Hi, Kim & Amanda! :) Other than that, I think it's like self-therapy or something. Hee hee.

Thanks! Just curious to see who all is keeping up with this. (Watch -- it will give me stage fright and I will come down with Bloggers Block or something.)

Happy Tuesday! Off to eat an Easter egg.

Hormones...

Okay, so I haven't blogged in over 3 months...what else would I begin with but hormones??

I woke up this morning and just felt a bit "off". I was nauseated, a bit grumpy, REALLY tired and just not myself. I was supposed to go to my mom's house and drop Mitchell off so that I could use a gift certificate at the spa for a manicure and lip/eyebrow wax. About half an hour before I was supposed to leave, I decided to cancel since I'd hate to spend precious spa time feeling like crap. Of course, this has led to multiple phone calls from my family wanting to make sure that I'm fine. I completely started bawling on the phone with Chris when I called him to tell him how I felt...and have no idea why. Well, yes I do...hormones. I was (half) joking with Chris the other day that I can barely handle my own hormones...what in the world am I supposed to do with MORE girl hormones???

That said, I'm trying so hard to just enjoy these last couple of weeks of being pregnant. I'm sick of the maternity clothes and the underwear that Mitchell could use as a nightshirt, but other than that I'm (not today obviously) feeling pretty good. I was just laughing with the person who is doing my private practice billing for me on the phone yesterday about how boring my appointments are and that sometimes it's almost not worth the drive. She said she'd love to have that problem...her daughter was born at 24 weeks and she's 21 weeks along now and already having issues again. Talk about wanting to take your words and stuff them right back into your mouth!! Nothing like someone else's reality to make your own seem like a dream.

I think that the more I think about pregnancy and childbirth, the more and more miraculous it seems. I've recently dug out our "prepared childbirth" handbook so we could practice relaxation and breathing techniques since he wasn't up for the 3 hour refresher course. Looking at the pictures, reading the information...no offense to those whose opinions differ, but I for the life of me CANNOT understand how someone can not believe in God. Truly. There is a little PERSON inside of me right now, growing and developing. When she comes out she will have one of our noses, one of our eye color, etc. Her personality will (uh-oh) resemble that of some of each of us...yet she won't be a clone. She'll be her own little person and we are trusted with the privilege of raising her in this crazy world. It's just insane.

I've heard from other friends who have had more than one child about what a giant Mitchell will look like when we bring her home. I had my first taste of that when I put the little pack of her diapers away in the changing table. I had to go get one of his pullups to put next to it and I was just in awe that his bootie started that small. (Smaller actually...I remember using premie diapers on him for awhile.) Yet, he still does seem so small to me...he's our little man. I don't know how in the world he got to be three years old or such a great little person, I just know I feel lucky to know him, let alone be his Mommy and current best friend. He's such a sweet boy and I hate to think that will ever change. He is just such a caring little guy and seems to have such a heart for other people and animals...every time he sees a baby or an animal on tv, he instantly goes into high pitched voice mode and says "Oh, look at the little baby/puppy/etc." Today he knew I wasn't feeling good, and he was playing with his toys and listening to his Sesame Street cd while I laid on the couch. He came over and gave me this gigantic hug and said "I'm so sorry you're sick, Mommy." **Melt** Who can explain that sort of heart grabbing feeling? No one told him to say that...he just did. Then, he laid on the couch with me, giving "his" Baby Georgia a big hug and singing the songs to her for about 10 minutes. Doesn't sound like a long time, but that's pretty much an eternity to a 3 year old. He'd sing, then kiss her, then do tickly fingers and say "tickle tickle", then give her a little rub with his fingers. Way too cute and makes me so glad we decided to have another. He already loves being a brother and she's not even out yet.

Speaking of Mitchell..he just woke up from his nap so that's the end of my first blogging session in awhile. Thanks for the nudge, Kim. :)