Mini-Me Update

Since it's been awhile since I talked about this whole "thing" I figured an update was in order. From July 2008 to July 2009, I lost 65 pounds. I have managed to keep 55-60 off consistently. I still have about 30-35 to go.

And to those of you who know me in "real life" and say "No, you don't!" -- YES, I DO. I will save you the trauma of seeing it for yourselves, just trust me. It's definitely there to lose. In several places that clothes thankfully hide for me. 'Nuff said there, I hope.

Anyway. I'm sort of in a rut and am hoping to bust through here soon. I think what happened is that I was part of a very supportive group, and the main focuses of the group definitely "clicked" with me. I stumbled upon it at just the right time and definitely put forth the consistent hard work and effort in all areas that I need to in order to be successful.

Since then, I have definitely been in maintenance mode. Lots of big life changes have happened and I've sort of weathered them by doing half-way things in the way of health and fitness.

I can say that the absolute KEY to my weight loss and health improvements were 150% God sponsored. By that, I mean that being in The Word, prayer time, encouragement with my friends, scripture memorization and truly putting Him first was what worked. Well, currently, NONE of that is happening consistently. And it hasn't for some time now.

I just came to this realization the other day and it was like DUH. What did I *think* would happen? If you don't have the KEY, you can't unlock the door.

So, here I am. Knowing where I am, who I am and where I need to go and who I need to be. Nothing has to change -- I just need to remember that I am first and foremost a child of God and live my life according to the purpose and focus I know that I have within me through His grace.

It will take some gut-busting willpower, prayer, and determination. I'm trying to regather my mojo and just get back into the groove. As usual, there are many things in my way every day to prevent this. I'm just trying to remember what is TRULY important each day. When I was in such a good place, not only was I losing weight, working out and getting healthy -- I also had more patience, energy and motivation to get the rest of my life healthy, too. I also weathered the storms that come our way in a much better way, too.

So, there ya go. There's your update. I think I'll go back to Mini-Me Monday updates to keep myself accountable. Ask me if I don't...I need some support and keeping me accountable is a great way to help. Thanks, bloggy friends!!

Unwritten...

So. I have been running for an entire year now. This is truly a bizarre thing for me to say because, well, I really don't like to run.


Here's where I will take a moment and tell you that despite what I have been told by people, I can personally attest to the fact that not *everyone* who runs is "a runner." I think that holds true even if you've been running for quite some time and have made progress in your endurance and speed. To me, you are "a runner" when you SEE yourself as "a runner" and FEEL like you're "a runner."


Have I improved my endurance? Yes. Speed? Yes. Confidence? Yep.
Do I enjoy it any more than I did when I first started? Ummm - not so much, actually.


I still cannot say that I enjoy it. (Really not at all.) I will say that I don't *hate* it, but I enjoy the benefits of running and THAT is why I continue to do it. As for a runner's high or anything like that? Nope. Never. I think that my husband likes me running a lot more than I like me running.

So, anyway - last weekend it was absolutely gorgeous outside and I decided that rather than head to the gym, I'd go for a run. I got all ready to go -- my favorite workout shirt that wicks the sweat away, the undies that don't give me an eternal wedgie while I'm running, my favorite pair of capri exercise pants, my running shoes, my cell phone (in case I get hurt or something), and my iPod. I strapped on my music and headed out the door.

I decided to just "go" and not really plan my route like I normally do. I've gotten to know the basics of how to get around our neighborhood the past few weeks, so I was confident that I had a few different route options available based on how I was feeling. We were taking the kids out to dinner after I got back and I wasn't really all that much in the mood for exercise anyway, so I told Chris when I left that I didn't think I'd go very far. (In my old neighborhood I had an easy little one mile run loop that I did on days like that.)

When I did the couch to 5k program last year, the little guy in my iPod who told me when to run suggested that you *always* do a 5 minute warmup and a 5 minute cooldown. Being the rule follower that I am when it comes to this stuff, I still do it every time. As usual, with about a minute left, I started to dread my walk coming to an end because I knew it meant I had to start running. I get this almost panicky feeling inside, which is well - dumb - because no one is *making* me run. Anyway, I got that wonky feeling and shoved it aside and decided that I would just start and run until I wanted to stop. If it ended up being only five minutes, fine. My goal was twenty minutes, but if I just felt sort of BLAH before then, I gave myself permission to just walk. (Like I said, so NOT "a runner.")



I started off on a part of the sidewalk that was still covered with ice and slush from the previous week's blizzard. I put my foot in a puddle and thought "Greaaaaat. Love the way this is starting out." Ya know, all sorts of positive self talk and things like that! I fiddled around with my iPod until I found some music that made me want to beebop along. I think it may have been "Put a ring on it" or something classy like that.



So, the first part of the route that I followed was down a big hill, which is always nice to just coast along. The second part was relatively flat and up to that point, my biggest issue was dodging more slushy/icy parts of the path. I felt pretty good and wasn't feeling at all like I needed to stop -- I think when I looked it had been about 12 minutes or so. I typically run about 10 minute miles so I knew I'd done at least a mile by then and felt good about that.

And THENNNNNN I got to the bottom of the hill and looked up.

*gulp*

My old neighborhood was really flat and there was just one hill that was challenging and I tended to avoid it like the plague. Since we've moved, I've found that unless I literally run around in a little circle in my immediate neighborhood, I will be running on hills now. The one that I found myself faced with was pretty sizeable. It started gradually but then climbed quite a bit in a relatively short distance. I looked it up on my beloved Map My Run site when I got home (or as I call it, the website for people who don't have a Garmin) and found that I climbed 128 feet on my run, and I guarantee you that at least 100 feet of it was on that hill. That is a LOT for me. (Personally, I think it's a lot for anyone, but especially me.)

So, there I was. Feeling good about my run so far, not feeling like I needed/wanted to stop, was enjoying the weather and running through a new part of our surrounding neighborhood, and WHAMMO. The hill. As I turned the corner and started up the gradual incline, I tried to make a mental game plan. The first thing I did was decide that I was GOING to run up this hill. Not walk, but RUN. Why? Ummm, not sure, but that's what I decided. I also decided that I could not do it alone, so the second thing I did was switch the music on my iPod to what my hubby refers to as my "God Rock." (I believe that I chose "My Deliverer" by Mandisa.) The last thing I did was start reciting Phillipians 4:13 which says "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."

So, NOW, there I was. Running up a ginormous hill, God Rock blarin' in my ears, my power verse running through my mind. Still feeling like this just was not gonna happen because even though I was working as hard as I could at that point, I literally felt like I was almost standing still. I just kept telling myself - RUN. Then my power verse. RUN. Then my power verse. I was not at ALL concerned about a time, I just wanted to run up the hill -- the ENTIRE hill. About halfway up, the hill sort of went back to a more gradual incline instead of a steep grade for about 50 yards or so. It was almost like a little valley because it made my heart sink to see that on the other side of it was another steep grade. I thought "No WAY can I do that again."

Instead of celebrating how far I'd already run up the hardest part of the hill or the fact that I'd actually *kept* runnning instead of just deciding to walk -- I let my limited view of the next challenge suck the wind out of my sails. I accepted a defeated mentality before I'd even arrived at the next hard part. And guess what? When I got closer and started up that portion of the hill, I found that it wasn't nearly as steep as I had thought it would be! I also discovered that I was *really* close to the top.

I kept plugging away and kept my feet a runnin' and as I reached the top of the hill, it struck me how often I do the same thing in my life. Instead of taking a moment to gather my strength, draw on previous successes for motivation and confidence, and refocus my mind -- many times when I find that I'm facing another challenge, I mentally throw in the towel before I even begin. The thing is, just like the top part of that hill, I am pretty good at psyching myself out and making issues and problems bigger than they are or need to be. It's part of my recurring issue where I try to rely solely on myself and don't look to God for the strength, peace, comfort and guidance that I know I'll receive when I ask. Why do I do this over and over??

As I was contemplating those thoughts, I turned the corner and was now headed home. My legs felt like jello, my lungs were burning, and I was sweating like crazy. I just wanted to stop. When I ran in my old neighborhood, I had a few "finish lines" for myself. A tree and a stopsign. The end of a block. Things like that. I decided that I needed a new finish line for my run and decided on the end of the block that I had just started on.

At that point, I was really wanting to just walk. Like REALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLY wanting to walk. I could feel myself starting to play the whole "It's okay to stop here" game with myself because the end of the block (it was a long one) seemed so far away. I decided to put on my favorite motivating song, Unwritten. (If you've never checked out the lyrics, take a second and do it.)

As the first few chords started playing, I looked down and saw a trail of dried blood on the sidewalk. It seemed like someone had a bloody nose or something -- just a trail of drops that I was following. My power verse immediately surged back into my mind. "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." As I kept running, I found that I couldn't take my eyes off of the trail of blood. My heart swelled as I realized that it is *through* Christ and not my own efforts that I am capable of anything. (Obviously, I mean things within reason - I'm not going to try and fly or anything!) But really -- in every instance, when I look back on challenges I've faced in my life -- big ones or small ones, the times that I have felt the most safe, secure, at peace, confident, full of strength are the ones where I have focused on the Lord.

*I* am in charge of how I set my mind. *I* am in charge of how I handle challenges and adversity. *I* am in charge of whether I decide to go it alone or follow Him. He loves me so much that he paid the ultimate price for me, yet I routinely think that I am all I need. (My heart knows better, but so many times that's the way I live.) As I finished out the last part of my run, I found that the trail of blood stopped and I was left with a clean path again. He has wiped my slate clean and by seeking Him and His forgiveness, His mercy has washed all of the hurt and doubt and sorrow and pain and guilt away.

I felt such a sense of gratitude and accomplishment when I reached my new finish line. As I walked home, I put that song on repeat and just soaked it in. Every day *is* unwritten and it *is* up to me to invite Christ into my everyday life and not try to do it all alone. I am in charge of making that choice to follow him and not waste the gift of his mercy and grace when it is just waiting for me to take advantage of. That is my prayer, that I can remember that moment of following the blood stained path and use it to guide my way through challenges and adversity instead of trying to muscle my way through on my own.

Back in the saddle...

Do you ever have something you think about, maybe think a LOT about, and then it starts floating around you? Maybe you notice it once and think "Huh! How funny...I was *just* thinking of that" and go on your merry way until it pops up more and more frequently until it finally gets to the point where you decide that maybe you are just a tad bit dense and that God has been patiently tapping you on the shoulder over and over.

No? Just me, then? Mmmm-hmmm.

Well, even if it is just me, that is the story of me and my lack of blogging. Last summer I became the publicity chick for my MOPS group. That required me to publish a newsletter every month. That required (well, probably not required) me to write a little "thing" for the front page every month. That seemed to pretty much zap any creative juices or desire to blog that I may have had.

My publicity days are now behind me and wouldn't you know it? My thoughts about coming back here to blog were soon surrounded by questions and comments from different people that I know...all leading me back to the fact that I need to start writing again. For me. (By that, I mean actually going beyond updating my status on Facebook.)

Sooooooooooooo, here I am!

I guess maybe next time I will get all writerish and dive back in, but for now...how about an update on my little family? I believe I will even start with myself instead of the kids for once!

I guess I'll start with the thing that seems to be my biggest "thing" at the moment -- I am still on a quest to lose ALL of the weight that I need to. I just had that fabulous, good time "yearly visit" with my doctor last week and the target weight that she suggested is about 26 pounds below where I currently am. *sigh* I know that I can do it, but it sure does seem daunting. I was moving along at a pretty good clip with my weight loss for quite a few months and I seem to have hit sort of a wall here lately. Since I started trying to lose weight, I've lost 32 pounds. (I've actually lost 24 more than that - but you know, that was baby weight stuff, so I don't really count that.) The thing is, I've only lost like 6 or 7 pounds in about 8 weeks. Not fun; however, I know that the whole weight loss journey comes with periods of plateau and regression along with bursts of great drops. Those big chunks of weight loss are so much more fun than the plateaus though -- I tell ya!

A great victory for myself is that Chris and I did in fact run a 5K together at the end of April. My goal was to finish under 35 minutes but I surprised the socks off of myself by doing it in 32:45! Amazing. All God. Seriously. Allllllllllllllllll God on that one. I should probably add that I know Chris could have seriously smoked me but he hung in there with me and just ran along side me. (Right up until about the last two tenths of a mile when I was just *d.y.i.n.g.* and I told him to just GO. He likes to sprint at the end and while that sounds really inspiring to me and everything, I was having a very serious conversation with myself that pretty much went like this: "RUN. NO WALKING. RUN. NO WALKING.") As it turns out, I didn't walk at ALL and that was huge. That's really all I wanted, even if it would have taken me an hour to finish. I wanted to run the whole thing and I did! I can't put into words how proud that sweet husband of mine is of me about that. It's so touching to think about because even though I really am proud of myself, it's like he is proud of me on a whole different level and it just feels amazing to be loved like that.

Oh, and I have recently started doing spinning classes. If you have never tried one of these classes, do yourself a favor and keep that streak alive. Unless, of course, you're into things like torturing yourself for an hour. I mean, seriously people -- forget the waterboarding! Spinning is where it's at in the cruel and unusual punishment department. I did finally get myself a gel padded bootie cushion that I used today. Mehhhh - I'm sure it worked but I couldn't focus on anything but my burning thighs and inability to breathe long enough to decide if my tushie was more comfy on the bike or not this morning. I *hate* that class. H.A.T.E. it!!! But I try to go once a week. Does that give you some idea as to the desperation I am feeling to bust through this stupid plateau of mine??!!

We now have the most amazing next door neighbors. They are as nice as can be and I have found a true friend over there. "Miss Aaaameee" as Miss G calls her, is my kids' new BFF. Get this: not only is she like the nicest person you'll ever meet, but she has a clean house, two kids (well, technically they are dogs), a popcorn machine, sells tupperware and LOVES to babysit. More than that -- she loves to babysit MY kids. It's kind of like the best thing ever. Oh -- and triple bonus, she and I both enjoy wine. Like one glass, maybe two, tops. So once a week or so, she'll come over while I'm making dinner and we'll have a glass of wine. Having a husband who can't STAND wine makes me want to pee my pants with excitement that I get to share a glass of wine with a good friend while I cook. And seriously? The woman humors the kids and lets them make her all sorts of fake things to eat, lets Mason drool on her -- you name it. She is FABULOUS and I feel so blessed to have her in my life.

Other than that, things are pretty much the same. As I mentioned before, I'm done with my run on the steering team for MOPS. I will miss the teamwork and Bible study and getting to see my friends every week, but I'm pretty excited to just be a MOPS mom again. I have agreed to help coordinate the volunteer stuff at the preschool again next year -- BUT -- this time there are three of us doing it together, so it feels MUCH more manageable. I still volunteer there a lot as it is, so it won't be that drastic of a change.

Even with trying to cut things out and say no to other things, I am still busier than I want to be. I believe this will be a life-long problem for me, as I just seem to fill up my calendar, even when I don't want to. Thankfully, we aren't overbooked (yet) this summer, so I'm hoping for lots of fun adventures with the kiddos.

Okay -so I have run out of time for this update and would you look at that? It was all about me! That never happens!! You know what though? Probably exactly the way it was supposed to , as I really have been feeling led to write more for me -- get myself mentally unpacked over here again. Hopefully I can start making the bloggy rounds again, too - I miss reading all of my bloggy buddies' stuff, too!

So. Consider my toe officially dipped into the pool again. It feels good to settle back in.

Mini-Me Friday #7ish

A month? Seriously? I haven't blogged in a month? Hmmmm. I guess that must be right!

Wellll, a lot can happen in a month, as we all know. Things like traveling to Albuquerque for a long weekend, Thanksgiving, your first "baby" turning six years old. (Ouch. Still hurts to type that one.)

I am happy to report that although I have been MIA over here, I have NOT completely derailed myself from my weight loss efforts. It is actually amusing for me to report that I actually went jogging...me, jogging, I said...on Thanksgiving morning to "earn" my big ol' meal! I mean, people -- JOGGING. On Turkey Day. This is big change. Big.

So.

Basically, here's the update. I found this program through word-of-mouth from a great friend (who has a blog but no actual BLOG there or I'd hook you up -- subtle hint that I would like her to blog, isn't it?? she knows who she is.) and downloaded these podcasts to my iPod. So now I jog with good ol' Robert 3 times a week. I did day one of week 4 this morning and Robert -- whoo, he had me questioning whether or not this was such a good idea. BUT, I did it.

And, for all of you Biggest Loser fans out there -- I am pleased to tell you that both Vicky and Heba are good for something, after all. I just pictured them running on either side of me and told myself two things: (a) if THEY could run, I could run and (b) if I quit -- it would be a bad omen for Michelle, so I had to keep running if I wanted to give her some mojo. And guess what? I did it. So. Those two evil, scheming *ahem* women (this is me not cursing at them) actually kept me running this morning...who knew?

Okay. So we have one week left for our group before this session ends. I weighed in last night for the first time in 4 weeks -- I missed because the kids were sick, I was sick, Thanksgiving, and a snow cancellation -- and I was down 5 lbs from my last weigh in! This was very exciting to me because...

It means that I am only 1/2 pound over the weight that I was when I got pregnant with Mason and have now lost 38 pounds since having him! Yay!!!!! I'm also only 17 pounds over my lowest weight -- that was right before I got pregnant with Miss G, so June 2005. I'm so happy about that!

My first goal is 7 lbs.
My second goal is 17 lbs. I'd love to do this by April, as I am in my best friend's wedding and will be in a strapless gown.
My ultimate goal is 37 lbs. This seems more within my reach now that I realize I've already lost that much. Funny how your brain needs little things like that. Or my little brain, I should say.

I am just taking it one day at a time and trying not to be too crazy or obsessed. I'm also trying to be realistic about things. For instance, I have a date night tomorrow with my husband. We have a Christmas party at one of his co-worker's houses and will probably end up out for drinks with friends or by ourselves later. So...my typical Friday cheating will not be happening. Nor have I had a glass of wine while I cooked dinner this week. (My favorite thing!! Love to do that.)

Anyway- there's the update. Have a long way to go but am proud of myself for the hard work I've put in so far. I'm giving all the glory to God though -- He has certainly provided me with a team of loving, supporting, encouraging people to cheer me on, and most importantly -- the strength and courage to do what I need to do.

He is so good. So very, very good.

Mini-Me Friday #6

I know I skipped a week. Here's a recap: started working out, didn't do so good on the eating front, gained a half pound.

Fast forward to this most recent week. Our "homework" from group was to pick one of the 9 commitments (prayer, attendance, scripture reading, verse memorization, encouragement, exercise, Live-It -- eating plan, the Commitment Record -- food journal, and Bible study) that you needed to really improve on and just go for it. I picked the Live-It (eating plan) and the CR since they go hand-in-hand and since I'd completely blown it the week before on both of them. When you draw a big ? on two days worth of the CR simply to avoid having to actually SAY what and how much you ate...probably not a good sign. At least there was plenty of room for improvement.

So. I had a GREAT week. I made it to the gym four days this week and can say that I worked hard the entire time I was there. Sore, but not TOO sore...just how I like it. I also just decided I'd write it all down. Good, bad, ugly, whatever. I know I'm loved and supported in my group, not judged or shamed AT ALL, so that wasn't it. It's all about me. Just overcoming my "stuff" of which there is a LOT to overcome. Shooo-weee. Lots of it. Funky junk in my emotional basement that needs some cleaning out, if you know what I mean.

Anyway- I can just tell you this. I went out to dinner twice, had four glasses of wine, stayed up late one night munching on snacks with the hubster, ate my way through a big ol' tub of frozen yogurt and STILL lost 3.5 lbs!! That was the most victorious feeling I've had in quite some time, and I am telling you now -- God is in charge of this whole thing.

HE gets my butt outta bed at 5 am. I mean, really - it's my nursing boobs, but come on. Who invented those? :) I jam my way through my workouts with some great praise and worship music -- my "God Rock" as Chris likes to call it. I get some major prayer time in while I'm doing situps and pushups. Mostly just calling out to Him to help me do 2 more. Okay, two MORE. Alright, two MORE. (Welcome to the inside of my head during workouts...scary, huh?)

Seriously. Between that, completing the Bible study for my group, sharing at the actual meetings with those amazing women, and my fantastically supportive hubby - it's hard for me not to give all the glory for this to God. He has pretty much set me up for success by giving me the tools and people in my life that I need in order to be on the right track. I'm sure that sounds hokey, but it is a fact for me.

So. Guess what happened when those 3.5 lbs came off? Two things.

1. Maternity clothes are being packed up FOR GOOD (I mean it this time!!) today.
2. My old "skinny jeans" fit on Wednesday. Thank goodness for stretch denim, I say. I didn't say they fit WELL, but I wore them out in public because everything else was still wet from the washing machine. I didn't get booed or whispered at, so I'm taking that as a good sign.

All in all, a very good week for me. Like many of you, it was a pretty emotional week with the whole pre-and-during-and-post election "stuff". It felt nice to have some peace amid all of the turbulence.

Okay, can't give you my memory verse for this week because I didn't memorize it. (I continue to have a lot of commitments to pick from in the room for improvement category.) Instead, I will leave you with a link to a song that I seriously can JAM OUT with. I saw her do this song live at the Women Of Faith conference in September and got hooked on it. I am not kidding and being entirely serious when I say that on Wednesday morning, I had to restrain myself from flat out DANCING on the treadmill. Lucky for you, I have found the song, complete with dancers!! This song just speaks to me and makes me wanna get funky. Pretty much, picture me as these kids on the treadmill. Only less coordinated and a lot older. And bigger. And really tired with 5 am ponytail hair. Hmmmm...maybe I should get some camo sweat pants and just go for it? Yeah, probably not.

Enjoy my new fave: "Shackles" by Mandisa and have a wonderful weekend!!

Mini-Me Friday #5

Okay, I skipped a week. Sorry - my husband was gone for almost an entire week, so I passed over a few things. Cleaning the house and blogging were two of them. ANYWAY...

Last week, I lost 1.5 lbs -- which I highly suspect was more than that, since I am betting I had previously gained something -- and this week, I lost another 1.5 lbs. SO...I am down a total of 5 pounds so far. I'm happy about that! Only 15 more to go and I'll have met my goal for this session of our group meetings. I think I figured out I needed to lose about 1.5 per week to make that happen, so I am on my way!

One thing that I've done for myself this week is...I JOINED A GYM!!! Hooray! I am so stinkin' excited about this, I just cannot even TELL you! A woman in our group said that they were having "blowout" prices for memberships right now. I used to belong there - it's an all-women gym, which I absolutely love...so I went to check it out. She was right -- it was a great deal! (For starters, they were taking $100 of the $125 registration fee off, if that tells you anything.) I could have gotten an even better deal if I'd signed up for three years, but I am having some FAITH that we are going to sell our house this spring, so I only signed up for one year and am hoping to have to join a new gym next fall.

As for when I'll be going...well, I'm gonna be back to my crack of dawn workout ways. The gym opens at 5:30 am and I plan to be there waiting for them to turn the key! Chris doesn't leave most days until around 7:00, so that will give me time to workout for at least an hour and run home to get everyone going. On the days that he needs to go in early, he will just come home by 7:30 so that I can work out before they close at 9:00 pm. I think it is going to be just fine, actually. Not only do I want to avoid paying the daycare costs, but ya know - my kids are around enough germs as it is...no need to push our luck.

So. There ya go. Did MUCH better with sticking to my eating plan this week and I exercised 4 times, even before I joined the gym. I feel like I'm starting to turn the corner and am excited about making more progress each week. By the way - if any of you are hoping to downsize yourselves, feel free to join me and do some Mini-Me updates of your own!

Here's my verse for this week...
Ephesians 6:11 "Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes."

Mini-Me Friday #3

So, I'm not very Mini, I'm guessing. I had to skip my meeting last night because of a stomach "issue" which has since resolved itself, but it was a bad week.

I am working on not eating everything in sight, even if it's not such a bad choice food-wise. Having to write it all down and see the number of exchanges I have allowed for the day go clicking off just well, it stinks, pretty much. I like to eat. I'm hungry a lot. So, now I'm trying to figure out if I'm REALLY hungry a lot or if I'm just bored. Or tired. Or worried. Or sad.

Basically, I'm trying to figure out what is motivating me to be so hungry. (And before you suggest it, I've allowed plenty of breastfeeding calories.)

So. There ya go. I still like food. I still like a lot of it. Sort of a problem in the mini-me category.

Oh, and I worked out twice last week. We dealt with sick kids but that's a whole different Oprah so I'll just leave it at that.

My verse this week was Proverbs 20:4 "May He give you the desires of your heart and make all of your plans succeed."

I have to laugh...this week, the desires of my heart involved macaroni & cheese, chocolate, pizza, etc. Probably a good thing that they weren't given to me in the literal sense. Ha!

Mini-Me Friday #2

Well, this week I neither gained, nor lost. To me, that is a victory because mid-week, I was a cheese eatin' fool! Seriously - I went on, of all things, a cheese eating streak. It was strange. I also know that I didn't eat my snacks that day, so it was right before dinner and I just snarfed it down. I'm sure that's what did it, but I truly was relieved when I saw that I didn't gain anything back.

As far as exercise goes, I did better this week. I exercised 4/7 days, which felt great to get back into. I'm not having to totally kick myself to get it done and I totally thought I would be. I'd like to improve the pace that I'm able to walk at, but I know that will come with time.

In thinking about my week, I can tell you that I did LOTS better eating-wise on the days when I kept my little food journal thing WITH me and was able to write down exactly what and how much I had eaten right away. The days that I didn't have it or remember to do it at all until the next day pretty much got away from me. (Cheese night is a good example. If I would have known how well I'd stuck to my plan at that point -- I probably would have figured out how much I *should* have, cut it up and put the rest back. Instead, I just kept that big ol' brick of cheese right next to me while I made dinner and snacked away. Oh - and got some grapes while I was at it -- one of my fave combos to eat together, grapes and cheese.) Anyway - I have noticed that one, so a goal this week is to keep my CR (food journal) with me all the time.

One thing I've done that's been absolutely fantastic for me is the meal planning. Seriously - that has been amazing. It has saved me a bunch of time at night, a bunch of food has been saved from being wasted, and we've saved in our food budget BIG TIME.

I'm about halfway done with my meal planning for the rest of this month, so I'll put that on the sidebar again when I finish. It's actually been kind of fun...I always talk about trying new recipes or making ones we've enjoyed again but then I get into the middle of a hectic weeknight and just make the same ol' stuff because it's there. Now I can actually TRY those recipes and make those things again that I've only made once but that we really enjoyed.

Yesterday I picked out two cookbooks and two magazines that I knew had a bunch of recipes I'd been wanting to try. I needed 27 more meals for October, so I made a list of 6 chicken/turkey, 6 seafood, 5 pork, 5 beef, and 5 vegetarian dishes. What I now need to finish is actually putting them onto the calendar and making a shopping list for each week from the recipes, based on what we already have in the freezer/pantry and what I'll need to pick up for those meals. Then, I'll be all set. LOVE it. Absolutely love it. The other thing I still need to do and will probably just do in batches is figure out the food exchanges for each recipe. If I know how many are in each serving, it will really help me during the day and stick to my eating plan better.

So, there ya go. My weight loss week in a nutshell. Goals for this week: keep my CR with me and add in some different exercise, not just walking. Even if I don't get a DVD or something in there, I want to make sure I add some easy strength training and stretching in every evening.

My memory verse for this week was Proverbs 29:18 - "Where there is no revelation, the people cast off restraint."

Yes, and some do it with cheese!

The blahs...and Mini-Me #7

I got 'em. And I mean I have GOT 'em. I haven't been in a very bloggy mood lately -- I think it's because every time I think about writing something down, I get all blah-ish again. I'm blue. Funky blue.

So, the Mini-Me part of things -- not so mini. Up another half of a pound. This time, I seriously (and I mean SERIOUSLY) had to talk myself out of bawling my eyes out in front of everyone. I stepped right off of the scale and had to go to the restroom and compose myself. My leader that did the weigh in was very sweet (sigh -- AGAIN) and understanding, but I'm pretty sure that she might think I'm a bit nuts at this point.

I didn't say a single word during the Bible study. Not one word. And that's just not me. Well, it is, actually -- when I get upset, discouraged, frustrated, etc. -- I clam up. So, there is your explanation for my MIA bloggy status. I just don't have words.

The thing is, I know that I'm doing the right things. I can honestly say that I have nothing to be ashamed of this week. I fulfilled all of my commitments. I was accountable to myself and to others. I not only did my Bible studies, scripture readings and memorizations - I did them joyfully.

Which is why it really stinks that I let myself get down and not participate in the Bible study when I had the chance. I let "him" win again. I was right where he wanted me, even though I was *really* right where the Lord wanted me to be. I missed it because I got distracted by thoughts and feelings that I know in my heart are nowhere near what I was meant to be feeling. The upside to being quiet is that I heard some pretty great discussion from my fellow group members and even though I was a complete non-participant, I left feeling blessed anyway.

I think that's the thing. I need to stop looking at this through my own eyes -- that leads to seeing what the world sees, what the enemy wants me to see. My own eyes don't show me what I need to see. I need to start looking at this through His eyes.

Okay -- really. I'm such an idiot. Guess what I just thought of? My memory verse for this past week...want to know what it was???

I Samuel 6:13 "The Lord does not look at the things that man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance but the Lord looks at the heart."

Ummmm, yeah. I get it. I. GET. It!!! Can you say slow learner??

As my thoughts turn to THIS week's verse...

James 4:7 "Submit yourselves then, to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you."

Okay. Guess I have my game plan then. I have a devil to resist, friends. Oh, and there's more. I read these two thoughts while doing my Bible study tonight. It hit home in a major, MAJOR way for me, particularly given the verse that I put on my fridge last week.

"The devil enjoys placing before your eyes the things that are your greatest temptations. Images of food appear when you are hungry, images of bed and/or rest appear when you feel too tired to exercise, images of all you have to do appear when you are pressed for time and you haven't done your Bible study. All these images lead you away from God and what He wants for you."

"Satan is working overtime to make sure temptation is everywhere."

So, there ya go. That's where I am. That's where I've been. That's where I'll be.

I promise, I'll be back. I just need to go inward for a bit. Do some thinking. Let these thoughts rattle around a little longer. Love to all of you, my bloggy friends.

Happy Friday.





p.s. Earen and Renee, thank you for your check-ins and encouragement...they are like big, warm hugs and I can't thank you enough. I thank the Lord for both of you and the priceless gift of your friendship.

Mini-Me Monday - Check In #3

This will be a quickie. I have to get dinner started and I have about 30,000 things to do before I go to bed, but I wanted to keep myself accountable here.

Couldn't go to my meeting this week because that's the night we left on our trip. I did weigh myself on my mom's scale this morning, which seems to be the same as the scale at my meetings, and I think I've lost one pound.

In 2 weeks.

Oh well - I guess that's good when I think about the fact that I just spent 18 hours in the car with snacks, and two days with amazing homemade mexican food -- which is a bigger weakness for me than Starbuck's. (And that's saying something.) Oh - and there was Starbucks, too.

Uhhh, yeah. So I guess I'll just be glad I'm on the right side of the numbers and keep on truckin'. Hopefully I can get my exercise mojo back -- the mini-vacay didn't do a thing for that, I'll tell ya.

I'm just gonna keep on keepin' on.

Mini-Me Monday - Check In #1

Okay - so it's my first check in and progress report for Mini-Me Monday. My good buddy, Earen had this Monday idea, so I decided that I would do it, too. I'm happy to see that Renee is joining our Mini-Me Monday movement, and I am excited to see the changes we're all going to be making. (I'm sure that some weeks we will have much to rejoice over and other weeks we will be taking a few steps back. It just feels better to take a journey like this with good friends.)

For me, this has been a week full of "Yay, me" and also some "Ummmm, yeah...not so much" happenings.

Do you want the good or the bad? Hmmmmm...let's start with bad and end on a good note, shall we?

The bad: I didn't consistently eat any better. Here and there I did, but let's just say that you very well could have witnessed the following things going in my mouth this weekend: pepperoni pizza, a homemade Coke float that my hubby whipped up, peanut m&m's, and chocolate chip cookies. Now, I'll say that not every meal had a black cloud hanging over it, but whatever I did right during the week, I surely undid this weekend. Can I blame my husband? Ummm, not so much. (See, there's one.) If I'm totally honest with the world, I can tell you that I had McDonald's for lunch today, and I didn't get a salad. Or grilled chicken. Nope - a burger. (Yeah....not so much, again.)

The good: I am proud to announce that I exercised 5 out of 7 days last week! Yay, me!!!! (And there's one of those.) The thing is, it's difficult for me to get my eating AND exercise on track at the same time. Not that I absolutely can't do both -- but I know myself well enough to know that I can't do both right out of the gate. SO...since my First Place (similar to weight watchers, but based on the Bible) group starts this Thursday night, I figured I'd get my bootie moving first so that I'm already in the habit of working out when it's time to full-on tackle the eating thing. I'm really looking forward to the first meeting and just staring that starting number right in the eyes. My guess is that I have about 50-55 pounds to lose to reach my end goal, but to get to my first goal, I know it's 20-25 FOR SURE. That, to me, feels very attainable.

I'm not sure if I provided any background last week, so I'll fill in a few gaps here. I have struggled with my weight off and on throughout college. Probably a bit in high school too, but I was so active then that all of my sports kept the weight off. (I played volleyball year round and soccer in the spring.) During my junior year of college, I started working out with a personal trainer who was also a dietician. I don't know exactly how much weight I lost, but it was quite a bit. All of that went by the wayside during grad school and I seriously ballooned up. I am a stress eater and I have trouble sleeping when I'm stressed as well. I was just not taking care of myself at all then -- eating terribly, not exercising, drinking regularly, not sleeping well, not taking vitamins...let's just say I was not exactly the poster child for healthy living.

Fast forward a few years and you have me post-divorce (um, yeah -- can we just say I'll get back to that one later?) and living with two roommates. One of my roommates and I started working out together 3-5 times a week and eating really well. I dropped quite a bit of weight and was feeling and looking so much better. Got married, and a month later I found out I was pregnant. I gained about 45 pounds with my first pregnancy and kept about 30 of it for about two years.

My husband and I together did the South Beach thing and we just did awesome! He lost close to 50 pounds and I lost about 30. I was working out with a neighbor at an all women's gym and loved it. Then I got pregnant. Oh, and in the middle of that I had a freak accident/fall and tore my patellar tendon in my knee. That pretty much cooked my exercise goose. I didn't gain as much with Miss G, but I also started at a lower weight, so I think that helped a lot.

What it didn't help was me continue the lifestyle changes that I'd made. I had some WICKED food aversions when pregnant with her, and I kid you not, I would become nauseated even talking about salad. (I love salad normally, so this was a big problem.) Anyway -- it just totally derailed the train we had chugging along so nicely.

So, now -- here I am, back where I started. Needing to lose a ton of weight and trying not to feel defeated about looking up from the base of the same mountain again. That's what it feels like to me. A mountain. Nothing I can't do, but sitting in a recliner while eating junk food and watching someone else give it a whirl sounds like a much more tempting plan most of the time.

Tempting. That's a key for me.

The thing about me and temptation when it comes to food is that I am weak and vulnerable the first few weeks and then I'm golden. I am selfish and greedy in that I need to see results and get some positive encouragement from people who are just making observations in order to keep me motivated. It's so sad for me to admit that I just plain don't have the intrinsic motivation to do this that some people do. I don't enjoy working out and I have a serious love affair with food. Okay, let's call it what it is. An addiction.

There, I said it.

So, anyway -- that's me in a nutshell. That's how I got here.

The one thing I know is that I cannot do this alone. I need support. I need encouragement, and finally, I realize -- I need to lean on the Lord for my strength and motivation. His Word can guide my footsteps, and through my friends and First Place group, I know I'll get the prayer, support and encouragement I need.

With Him I can do anything. By myself, I just wind up on the same ridiculous roller coaster ride and I'm ready to get off. I'm upset with myself for having this be such an on-going issue in the "First Place" (ha, ha!) and it is comforting to me to know that God wants more for me as well. He desires that I have self-discipline and self-control, and I owe that not only to Him and myself, but to my children as well. They deserve a happy, healthy mom who can show them how to live a balanced life.

I know that Earen also posted this verse on her blog today, and I'm glad that it resonated with her as well. I read this while doing a Bible study last week and it just jumped off the page at me. The verse was only mentioned in passing, but to me it may as well have been in neon. I wrote it down and now have it as my guiding verse in this Mini-Me journey.

Hebrews 12:11 - "No discipline is enjoyable while it is happening - it is painful! But afterward, there will be a quiet harvest of right living for those who are trained in this way."

It helps to know that this isn't supposed to be easy and that, really - it's supposed to suck. I also like that there is a quiet harvest waiting for me at the finish line. At first, I thought -- hmmm, harvest. Let me get a better picture in my head of that because I'm a visual thinker and to be honest, I thought of corn and pumpkins. (Food -- go figure, right?) Anyway - here is my favorite definition:

harvest:
5. the result or consequence of any act, process, or event: The journey yielded a harvest of wonderful memories.

The consequence of my acts. The result of this process. A harvest. I don't just want that - everything within me needs it desperately, so I'll just keep putting one foot in front of the other and doing the best that I can.


Oh - and look for big happenings tomorrow (well, big for me -- it's a milestone and I'm doing a giveaway!)

Yuck.

Pretty much, you have now just become a fly on the wall when I look in the mirror these days. (Just what you've always wanted to be, I'm sure.) I look and I think (and often mutter) "yuck."

I have had a struggle with my weight for many years now, and currently it's a full on war. I have bounced up and down and all around with my weight but right now, I'm up, and I'm not happy.

I'm not just unhappy about the weight itself and the fact that my fat pants are now my everyday pants. I'm not just unhappy about knowing that my health is suffering because of the extra pounds that I carry. I'm not just unhappy because my knees are bothering me again, due to the weight I've put back on.

I'm unhappy because there is no one to blame but me. I am responsible and I am so, so, so disappointed, angry and upset with myself about the whole thing. I could honestly type pages and pages of excuses. Reasons why it's happened, but it boils down to this:

I'm an emotional eater. I need to stop excusing and change the behavior. Period.

If you read my buddy, Earen's blog, you'll know that she posted about the very same thing today. I had to call her and let her know that I'm in the same boat, and that I honestly could have written most of what she wrote myself. I decided I'd join her in her Monday update to the world about how the whole thing is going, so look for that on Mondays.

In addition to having the entire internet world be able to see if I'm actually following through on my plans to better my physical health, I've taken what I consider to be a huge step for me. In my previous weight loss successes, I've done it with a partner. Either a roommate, my husband, a friend, etc. but never in an organized manner. This time, I decided that I needed something more. I needed to kick up the accountability a few notches.

I joined a group called First Place and I'm so, so excited about it. I have done some big time growing in my faith this year and I think that having my walk with the Lord be intertwined with my weight loss journey is exactly what I need. When I first found out about the group (which provides child care - yay!) I hopped on the internet and just bought the stuff I needed so that I couldn't back out later.

I finally am at a place where I'm ready to surrender ALL of it to Him...not just my present condition, but the things that led up to this point. I obviously am doing quite the sucky job of handling it on my own.

So, here I go...I'm on my way!

By the way, I've changed my signature again. (For the 3rd -- and likely not last--time.) So fun!

Old habits die hard...

I have really had a not good week as far as taking care of myself. The things I used to do (eating, exercise-wise) have again become the things I'm actually doing. It's all based on emotions and stress and I hate it. I know I'll get through it but DANG. It just sucks to work so hard to make things better only to have a few things thrown in your path and send you right back to square one. Just felt like whining.

And it's my blog. So I did.

I am my own worst enemy...

I am a procrastinator -- I make myself late.

When I am late, I am cranky.

When I am cranky, my children are cranky.

That makes us even later because it's harder to get a little cooperation going.

When we're late other people get cranky.

All because I'm a procrastinator.

***********************************************************************

I would love to lose weight.

That would mean not loving food.

--Let me clarify--

That would not mean loving:
*ice cream
*wine
*french fries
*ice cream
*chocolate
*macaroni and cheese
*ice cream
*pretty much anything you're not SUPPOSED to eat a lot of
*Annnnnddd...ice cream

It would also help if I liked to work out.

*************************************************************

I love having my house clean, yet I am a lazy housekeeper.

Huh?

I love my house to be clean but I want someone else to do it.

Yes, I'm aware it doesn't work that way. I don't have to like it.

I just have to do it.

Someday I will.

**************************************************************

I love having down time.

I schedule myself out the wazoo with everything you can think of.

I complain because I never have any time to myself and am always on the go.

It is my handwriting with a pen that I hold in my hand that makes all of those plans.

***************************************************************

Know what I've done good?

Picked me a mighty fine husband who loves all of this crap.

Well, maybe not all of this crap, but he loves me and it comes with.

And we make some mighty fine children, too.

That's all that really matters, right??

Thoughts for the week...

*Husband + Gasoline + stroller = One very upset woman

*I would be okay with never doing another load of laundry again.

*Random strangers touching my baby's hands by reaching OVER the back of an adjoining booth is definitely not okay with me.

*Mitchell could live on macaroni and cheese, corndogs, fruit snacks and chocolate milk.

*I love cheesecake.

*Sad but true, I can get drunk off of one margarita these days.

*Teething sucks the big toe of life.

*Mosquitos love me.

*Even three year olds have guilt.

*My husband looks VERY cute with a clean shaven face and a fresh, shorter haircut. Le-rar-rar.

*My husband can't believe I don't nap during the week. Le-ha-ha!

*I love blackberries.

*It's freakin' hot outside.

*I'm not a fan of spiders.

*I'm capable of using swear words to tell my husband to stop teasing me DURING a Christian rock song that I love. Nice. Oh - and we skipped church. Way to go, me.

*You can FEEL as young as you want, but your body keeps on aging.

*I like my hair shorter.

*No matter how overweight I am, I will still love and crave ice cream until the day I die. I will also never fully enjoy working out.

*Fewer things in life are as cute as watching a 3 year old boy help his Daddy wash the car and mow the lawn. It's so obvious he wants to actually *be* his dad.

*My husband enjoys watching a seriously STUPID tv show. (No offense to anyone else who loves "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia".)

*Georgia is going to be quite the pistol. And she's almost crawling. Oh crap.

*I love washing underwear for Mitchell as opposed to buying and disposing of pullups. Way to go, big guy!!

*The minivan is not ugly when washed.

*The boneless buffalo chicken salad is much better at Bennigan's than at Chili's, just FYI.

*I am already in the midst of planning Mitchell's birthday party, thinking of Christmas gifts, and planning our anniversary trip in Feb.

*No one has yet stopped by to offer to clean my house for free.

*I love coffee. And coffee ice cream. (See? There's that ice cream thing again. It's an addiction, I'm afraid.)

Priorities...

Okay, so what decides the order in which you prioritize your "to-do" list? For me - -it depends on the day. Days like today - it's hard to say.

The only thing I really wanted to do was go for a walk so my fatt bootocks could get some exercise. I also am wanting to finish this book I'm reading. There's also laundry to put away, a load to fold and two more to do. Unload the dishwasher, load it again. Factor in reading, playing trains, and the rest of the yadda yaddas that come with my two kiddos and there ya are. Oh, and going to see Grandma at the hospital. Oh, and a shower.

So -- here's what I decided.
First I put away the two loads I folded last night.
Got everyone dressed and fed.
Read about 15 pages of my book while I nursed G. (See - multitasking-- I'm a woman.)
Went for a walk and to the park.
Came home and made lunch.
Read some more while I nursed Georgia.
Computer stole my attention.

Now -- I've just taken the load out of the dryer, put the one from the washer in the dryer and added another load. I'm about ready to take a shower because...

THEY'RE BOTH SLEEPING AT THE SAME TIME!!!! Y EEEEE HAAWWWWW.

I can't really explain how exciting that last tidbit of info is - -it NEVER happens. Okay, so this was the most boring blog ever. Of all times. And so is my day.

I can't wait until my husband comes home. Honey -if you're reading this today, GAME ON, BABY!! :)

9 pounds...

I've lost 9 pounds so far. I need to lose 36 more to get to my first goal.

Now that I think about it -- I think I need to revise that. I need to lose 16 more to get to my first goal, 36 to get to my "real" goal. (If hit that first goal -- I'll be back down to where I was before I got pregnant with Georgia last spring.) If I ever see that end weight, then there are 10 more behind it that I could stand to lose, but I doubt I ever see that one happen.

It feels good and when I met my friend for a walk this morning she said "You've lost weight, huh? I can tell." That's always a good thing -- I think it's just depressing thinking about what darn hard work it has been just to get those 9 off -- and to put 36 more on top of it? Ick. My mom said to have that be my goal in the next year.

A YEAR????

I know that's realistic but the thought of it just pisses me off. I want to be thinner NOW. And I want to be able to eat ice cream, chips, cake, etc. So basically I want to lose a lot of weight quickly but not work for it.

I went for an hour and a half walk this morning -- 15 min in the middle to let Mitchell play at the park, but the rest was a briskly paced walk. Ummmm--guess what? All of my butt muscles HAVEN'T disintegrated after all -- in fact, they're all extremely upset with me right now. Owie.

I guess thinking about fitting into the clothes I want to wear sooner and being healthier and more energized for my kids is good motivation -- I just don't have a will of steel. It would be nice right now. I think I need something like "Biggest Loser" motivation to get me going. I'm competitive so that would probably be a good show for me.

Okay -- random off topic before I go. At the park today, it was really weird and I got kinda creeped out. We walked up (my friend had headed home already) and this woman was walking the perimeter of the playground and was TOTALLY staring at us as we walked up. I mean not even trying to hide it, bugging eyes out, turning head as she's walking a different direction staring. Mitchell got off of the stroller and ran over to the playground and she watched him the same way. (She was on her cell phone and speaking a foreign language of some sort, by the way.) There were like 5 kids on the playground already -- 2 about 5 or 6 years old, 2 about Mitchell's age and 1 in between. I kept looking for a parent - usually there are moms or dads hanging out on the benches. Well, then it dawned on me that she was probably their nanny.

Mitchell wanted to swing, so I parked Georgia (who was sleeping) in the stroller near the swings. The kids that were there were playing nicely at first but they were really spread out. I think it must be the teacher in me, but I found myself trying to keep an eye on them. This lady sure as heck wasn't doing it!! I watched her and the only children she paid any attention to were MINE. She didn't bat an eyelash at the little one who was wandering off to smell the flowers in the little bushes. She didn't ever even GLANCE at the playstructure to make sure the older boys and girls were playing safely. She just kept doing her laps, chattering away on her cell phone, pausing to stare at my children when she got near.

Creeped me the heck out.

So, anyway -- Mitchell had already put up with an hour walk and was SOOOO good. I didn't feel like I could say "Hey, let's go home" since I'd promised him some time at the park. When he was done swinging, I went with Georgia and the stroller to a bench near the play structure and just watched. One of the little girls looked SAD. I don't mean like someone took her doll -- I mean like emotionally sad from the inside out. She walked with her head down the entire time, stayed by herself and was instantly physically defensive/agressive anytime any other kids came near her. (She was the flower smeller.) It made me really, really uneasy. Another little girl was sad (but more like, I'm bored! Pay attention to me! sad) and was trailing after the nanny. She was (I think) saying her name and sort of whining/crying, but this nanny didn't even have a clue in the world that the girl was trying to get her attention.

Meanwhile -- on the play structure, one of the older boys was playing with Mitchell. No big deal, taking turns on the slide, asking him about his Thomas shirt, stuff like that. Well, after about 2 minutes he says "Come on, let's play. We're killer whales. Let's go kill her whole family." OMG -- what the heck is that about??? Mitchell just kind of looked at him like "Huh?" and ran the other way to go play this little piano thing. Well, two seconds later, the older girl and two older boys are playing what I guess was the "killer whale game" and the girl completely PUNCHES this one kid in the eye. Like just hauls off and punches him in the eye. I was like "whoa". Of course he starts crying and the girl says "Sorry. It was part of the game." I

t takes nanny woman about 2 minutes before her ears hear anything besides that blasted telephone conversation. She doesn't say let me call you back, instead she stands there with the crying kid and says "what happened" about 3 times. Then she finally says she'll call the person back. Mind you, Mitchell is on the other play structure (thank goodness -- there are two of them), but I had a ring side seat and watched the ENTIRE thing. Nanny woman is looking at me with this REALLY nervous look because obviously I'd been paying 110% more attention to those kids than she had! Anyway -- the older boy who didn't get hit reports that the older girl punched the other boy. The older girl instantly denies that she did anything. Nanny woman calls her a liar (she was, but still) and the older girl says "I didn't do it -- ______ did" and points to the really, really sad little girl who doesn't say a word. She just looks at the lady with those sad brown eyes and doesn't say a word. Older girl takes off running and throws herself on the grass to pout about the whole thing. By this time, the sort of sad little girl has finally caught up with nanny woman and goes over and clings to her leg. It was SOOOO obvious this girl just needed a "Hi sweetie" and a hug. You know how 3 year olds are -- they just need that every once in awhile. It took all of my strength not to go scoop her up. Her and the other little one -- I wanted to just cuddle that little cutie and tell her she was special. Anyway, nanny woman shooed the sad one away from her leg and she started bawling.

I was like "oooookay -- we are OUT of here." I called Mitchell over and the two older boys looked at me -- I think they knew. I said "Honey, we need to go now." He of course wanted to stay, so I did what any mother needing out RIGHT then would do -- I bribed him. I asked him what video he'd like to watch while I made lunch and he hopped right on.

It was a nutty 15 minutes, but man did it make me sad. Sad for those kids because two of them just seemed so -- well, SAD. One seriously just had a look about her like something just wasn't right. Can't put my finger on it, but it was just "off" somehow. But I wanted to follow that lady to whatever home she went to and then wait for each of the parents and tell them what my experience was. I can't IMAGINE having my kids with someone like that!!! I bet these parents all think they have a competent, loving, caring, responsible woman watching their kids. In the span of 15 short minutes I saw her ignore, push aside, namecall, and neglect these kids. Maybe she was having a bad day, I'm not sure -- but ick. Just gave me the creeps and I haven't been able to get my mind off of it all day.

I'm SOOOOOO glad I can stay home for this exact reason.

I love cake.

Mmmmmm. Cake. Good cake -- not dry, but yummy, moist, chocolate creme filled cake.

And I ate 2 pieces today. (And 2 yesterday.)

And this is EXACTLY why I CANNOT have these things in my house!!! My evil SIL insisted on sending it home with me. My husband with a will of steel (um, he was also only home about an hour before we went to sleep and is not locked up in this house with it all day) declined, but not me -- I ate one for each of us -- TWICE. So much for my AWESOME south beach 2 weeks. Ready for those pounds to fly back in my face -- I HAD lost 8 -- I probably just gained all of them back. Oh well -- I'll just start over. It sure was yummy, but I might as well sit on it 'cause it's going STRAIGHT to my butt, I betcha.

Now I hate cake because I love it so much.

Oh -- and quick blowout story for ya -- goes well with cake, don't you think?

We were at the mall today and I look over at Georgia in her cute little white and pink striped outfits with brownish/yellow spots on the waistline (well, if she had a waist -- hee hee).

Wait.

Brownish yellow spots on the tummy? No -- not usually. Quick peek and yes -- it's poop. Uh-oh -- not a good sign. When this girl decides to blow out, she BLOWS THE HECK OUT. I left Mitchell with my friend at the little play thing in the middle of the mall and head to the family bathroom by the food court. It took me a good 10 minutes to clean her up and I'm glad it wasn't a day where I'd forgotten to fill the wipes holder because I used 8. (I counted.)

I had to wipe her hand off like 3 times because it was all the way up her side to her armpit and she LOVES to stick her hands in her mouth. Then when I was washing her arms off with soap and water she was screaming bloody murder because the sink was waaaayyyy back in the counter and I had to lean her forward against her tummy. (Stupid design for a "family" bathroom, might I add.) Anyway -- thank goodness I had enough wipes and another outfit and a friend to watch Mitchell. Otherwise -- ick. NOT a good story.

Off to do laundry -- think I'll start with that SPECIAL, SPECIAL outfit of Georgia's. :)

I'm SUCH the procrastinator...

And here's proof -- I have a list a mile long of things I need to do before I go to bed, it's 11:23 pm and what am I doing? A blog.

I just needed a little break, but I'm just irritated with myself that I didn't get more done ahead of time for this party. To be fair, I've been really busy and extremely tired at night, but still...

Okay -- totally off topic right now -- have you seen that SNL short "Lazy Sunday"? OMG -- they just had it on this repeat of SNL and Chris and I were DYING. I know it's online somewhere -- it's Chris Parnell and someone else and is hysterical. Worth checking out!

Hmmm---back to me. And my procrastination. I suck.

Gotta go -- wanna see my to do list?
*Make an egg dish
*Cut a watermelon and two cantaloupes
*Cook a pound of sausage
*Cut lemons
*Put pastries on a platter and wrap them up
*Give myself a pedicure
*Iron my outfit
*Iron Mitchell's outfit
*Iron Georgia's dress

Oh yeah - and then there's this scrapbook. *ugh* I'm going to bed by 2. Have to! Georgia and I are leaving here at 8:30 so I need SOME sleep. As much as I love my parents and are happy to give them this party, I'm ready for it to be done already.

Let's end on a positive note -- my mom & dad gave me an outfit for Mother's Day that didn't fit right and wasn't really my style. I took it back today and the first outfit I tried on was EXACTLY what I wanted! Amazing -- I actually feel somewhat *okay* in it, too -- didn't hate the way I looked! Oh -- and I'm down 8 lbs in 2 weeks. Pretty good!!

Nighty night, everyone -- I'm off for more work!! Happy 40th, Mom & Dad!!

Tub of goo...

That's me! And my stomach. And my thighs. And my rear end. And...

UGH. I FEEL SO FLIPPIN' FAT!!!!!!

I think I'd feel big anyway, but the fact that I lost 30 pounds (or so) before I got pregnant is not helping anything. My clothes were the smallest I'd worn in YEARS and now I can only fit into what were then my "fat" clothes.

I know baby weight is something, but I only have myself to blame. I have this enormous jelly-belly pooch after Georgia's birth and do you think I've done even ONE situp yet? No. 10 weeks and counting -- ugh. (again) I have made an effort to walk, but other than, no workouts of any kind from this sad sack of fatty tissue. Also -- I haven't been eating the best. I have had a MAJOR sweet tooth for some reason, which is strange since I am usually more of a muncher on salty/snacky things. This whole breastfeeding thing also has stimulated my apptetite like CRAZY!!! I am ALWAYS hungry -- ALL THE TIME. Makes it hard not to eat.

This week - I plan to tackle the food issue. Just healthy snacks. I will let myself eat as much and as often as I want to, but only healthy stuff. I'm the start of my own problem in that regard, so I may as well be the solution as well.

Also -- I want to try and work out twice this week. I feel like that's realistic. Do a tape, lift some light arm weights, do some lunges, etc. Hopefully I can make that happen.

I'm just so sick of nothing fitting right, nothing feeling good when I put it on, my thighs meeting again each time I walk. :( Wish me luck -- I'm ready to lose this weight.