Friday, August 04, 2006

Do Fathers Have Identity Confusion, Too?

Okay -- so this week I've been reading on the birth boards I am part of, friends' blogs, friends of friends' blogs, and have listened to others as I talk to them (live and in person, even!). There's a pattern about women having identity confusion when they become mothers -- I've even blogged about it myself. So, my question is this:

Do men struggle the same way? My short answer is not so much.

I mean, go anywhere, talk to any mom, read her blog, etc. and you will hear that repeatedly she is faced with a completely overwhelming challenge: remembering who she was/is ASIDE from being a mom. Is this the case with men? Is it a huge challenge for them to remember who they were/are ASIDE from being a dad? Not in most cases, I think.

So many women get so completely engrossed in the whole "mom" world that they lose sight of what they used to enjoy. (And I guarantee you, it wasn't apple juice, goldfish crackers, and train time.) I know I struggle with that -- I LOVE to scrapbook and haven't done ONE page in over 2 years. It's so depressing!! I really, truly love it but there are several things getting in my way. Time, space, and the fact that I have to spread my stuff out, hope that little hands don't mess with all of it, and then clean it up again. I think I've put more of my creative energy into cooking lately, but still -- why have I given it up? Because the more our family grows and changes, the further down the priority list it goes. It wasn't until last week when I went to my friend's house that I realized how much I miss it and how much enjoyment I get out of it. She said that she makes it a priority and even takes her kids to daycare one day when she's tracked off to do it. (She teaches at a year-round school.)

What? You actually take time for YOU??? How DARE you!!!

Dang, Gina...that sounds like a GREAT idea!!!

So, guess what I'm doing this weekend? Chris is out of town on a guys' golf weekend (and not looking back, I'm sure) so I'm taking M all day and G for half a day (the boobs can only take so much) to my mom's house and I'm going to scrapbook ALL day!! I'm taking my friend's advice and only stopping to pee and eat/drink. Me. Alone. With my scrapbook stuff. I can't wait!! Today during "quiet time", I'm ordering copies of the pictures I want to use from Walgreens so I can be all set. I'm so excited.

For the record being "just a mom" is better than anything in the world. Except, of course, if you happen to be: Tara the 33 year old woman who is married to her best friend, loves a great cup of coffee (decaf), ice cream, laughing, watching sports, hates to dust, has more girlfriends than she probably deserves and loves every single one of them, is trying valiantly (ha!) to shed some pounds, drives a freakin' minivan for the good of the group, has a mad crush on Tim McGraw, can't handle margaritas like she used to, would love to have enough money to buy herself some really cute purses and shoes. Oh -- and she happens to be blessed with two little people that she can't even imagine loving any more -- except for when they call her "Mommy".

So -- what's the answer? Guys??? Oh wait -- this blog is a boy's worst nightmare -- none will ever read these words. Ladies, ask your men. :)

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