Monday, October 03, 2005

Rush, Rush, Rush...

Why is it that now that I'm NOT working full time, I'm more busy than I was then? I feel like all Mitchell and I do is rush here, rush there, do this, do that. Sometimes we hardly have time to breathe, I swear! I have always had people tell me that I'm one of the busiest people that they know, and that it seems like I'm always on the go...I think I'm starting to believe them.

I think that there are two things contributing to my newfound awareness of my go-go-go lifestyle: I'm getting older and I'm feeling the impact of this pregnancy on my stamina. Now, I'm not saying I'm an old codger or something...but let me tell ya, there is a HUGE difference in energy between 22 and 32 and it's not on the positive side of the ledger. Man, if I had half the energy I did when I was 22 now, life would be great. Then pile on being pregnant...I'm huge. Well, not as huge as I'll be 5 months from now, but huge nonetheless. Yes, it's a good cause. Yes, I'm supposed to get all large and round. Yes, there's a person growing in there, but I am a big ol' momma. Pile on the extra weight and it takes extra work to haul it around with me all day.

Oh, and I forgot about the issue of my knee injury. It's been a year now (the week of Halloween last year) since I tore my patellar tendon. Part of me wishes I'd just had surgery...the other part of me wishes that I'd kept up more religiously with my rehab. Again, energy is the key here folks. I just don't have as much as I often need. I think I just need to bite the bullet and get myself to the gym. I just don't want to put Mitchell in the daycare. We already have him in school two days/week and the gym daycare costs $20 extra every month. Seems silly to me. I think I'll just do what we did it out with Chris for him to be home by 7:30 three nights a week and go then and he can handle the bedtime routine with Mitchell. Then if I can make it on Saturday mornings, too...great.

I think I am my own worst enemy when it comes to rushing around. I have so many people I want to see, things I want to do, places we need/want to go...and I try to cram them all in. Sometimes I make it happen, but there's definitely a cost. Like no nap for Mitchell, or the laundry doesn't get done. Or the dishes wait until the morning. All of that stuff is fine, I know, but when "stuff" piles up, so does my stress, and as I've already mentioned, my energy level does not.

I think in general it's a losing battle and one that I'll be waging until my dying day, but I need to get better at two things to help myself out: saying no and time management for myself. I have a tendency to say "Sure" in response to everything and I need to stop that. I'm getting better and I've started with family since I know they'll still love me no matter what. :) I just hate to disappoint people, but I really need to at least say "Let me get back to you on that", take some time to breathe and prioritize and then give an honest reply including the words "I can't fit it in" if that's the truth. Chris is so good at that, maybe I should take a page out of his notebook. It's little things like answering the phone...for whatever reason, it bothers me to not answer the phone when I hear it ringing. It seriously drives me I have a tendency to pick it up no matter what is going on. (Except diaper changes or if I'm in the bathroom or something.) If Chris is involved in something, he either says "Let it go" or "I'm not here". Why can't I do that?

I also just need to make sure that I schedule my OWN stuff first each month and then plug everything else in around it. I think that would probably be pretty helpful. Like the gym...I think it's pretty much a joke to say I don't have time to work out when I have time to be on the internet, checking email, typing this blog, etc. I just have to buckle down, decide what's important and get it done. I'm thinking that time will just become more precious once the baby gets here...can't imagine she'll inject any more free time into the picture. :)

Sigh. Life. It just keeps coming at you. I need to count my blessings and not take everything for granted or so seriously. I think I just get tired (hmmm...a theme?) and let stuff roll. We'll see what happens. Hope I'm not all talk!!

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